Thursday, April 10, 2008

Joe Queenan wonders what the worst movie ever made is

The release of the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie has revived the debate as to which is the worst motion picture ever made. Because the film logged in with some of the worst receipts in history - $250 per screen on opening weekend - there is a temptation to accord it the mythical status of such universally ridiculed motion pictures as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or Plan 9 From Outer Space, to welcome it into the dark, Bizarro World pantheon inhabited by phantasmagoric disasters such as Showgirls, Ishtar, Heaven's Gate, Battlefield Earth, The Postman and, most recently, Gigli and Swept Away.

That is not fair. It is not fair to Kevin Costner, it is not fair to Jennifer Lopez, and it is certainly not fair to Madonna. Though it is a natural impulse to believe that the excruciating film one is watching today is on a par with the excruciating films of yesterday, this is a slight to those who have worked long and hard to make movies so moronic that the public will still be talking about them decades later.

Read on to see his criteria and choice for worst movie ever. I think the worst I've ever seen is Blue Crush. I walked out on that one even though I love surfing movies.


  1. "Nice Girls Don't Explode" with the classic line: "Did you set me up in the hospital to have my legs shaved?"

    "April has a problem. Whenever she gets anything like passionate with a guy all sorts of things seem to spontaneously combust. The only men she meets more then once are firefighters. Actually, it's Mom's way of trying to keep her little girl to herself, but new boyfriend Andy is having none of such nonsense. So the heat's on. Unfortunately it's Fluffy the cat who keeps getting caught in the middle."

  2. Yes, that certainly sounds bad.

  3. Actually, I tend to agree with some of the more positive reviews at cult movie sites. I remembered it as being awful (it was literally filmed in my neighborhood, the main residence in the film was 2 doors down. I nabbed a copy during it's blink and you miss it DVD release, but had never watched it till this weekend. SIn the interim since it was filmed, I have worked with many crazy parents, and I had a lot more perspective to draw upon. Barbara Harris does a great job, as does Wallace Shawn and William O'Leary, in his debut. It's an odd one, not perfect, but I'm ultimately glad I gave it another shot.

    Here;s the review which rekindled my interest in the film.

    Great Blog!