"Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition)" by Sarah Schmelling for McSweeney's. Here's a sample:
Polonius says Hamlet's crazy ... crazy in love!
Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet are now friends.
Hamlet wonders if he should continue to exist. Or not.
Hamlet thinks Ophelia might be happier in a convent.
Ophelia removed "moody princes" from her interests.
Hamlet posted an event: A Play That's Totally Fictional and In No Way About My Family
The king commented on Hamlet's play: "What is wrong with you?"
Read the whole thing.
*Previously: "Shakespeare hates your emo poems" t-shirt.
*Buy Hamlet posters at eBay.