UPDATE: Adam won and has been emailed.
Barbarians: A Handbook for Aspiring Savages by Byron Clavicle, Grute Skullbasher, Benjamin Chadwick, and featuring approximately 100 illustrations by Joshua Kemble:
Sick of our spineless twenty-first century, with its fat-free cow milk, electric cars, and websites about spoiled chihuahuas? Wishing you could get what you want, when you want it? Perhaps you dream of trading in that restrictive tie for a liberating loincloth, then setting your office aflame? Ask yourself this: “What Would a Barbarian Do?” With this primitive procedure, great men have altered the course of history (and hilarious B movies) for thousands of years.Available at Amazon.
Return to the simplicity of yore with this back-to-basics primer on bloody vengeance, furry pants, swordplay, and savage cuisine. Let renowned scholar Dr. Byron Clavicle and bona fide barbarian Grüte Skullbasher teach you how to crush your enemies, settle rent disputes, find a proper name and title that will put you atop the Yor Scale of Name Masculinity, and snare a chain-mail-bikini-wearing Amazon! With just twenty-thousand calories a day and a commitment to pillaging and plundering, you can join the rampaging hordes, negotiating with only your battleax as you destroy civilization!
I have one copy to give away. For a chance to win, comment on this post and include your email so I can contact you. One comment per person, and this contest is open only to USA residents. I'll pick the winner Sunday evening.
Tired indeed.
ReplyDeleteThere are many days I'd love to set my office aflame.
ReplyDeleteMilo.jones(at)gmail.com
DEAR SUPER PUNCH,
ReplyDeleteBY CROM! THIS SO-CALLED "DOCTOR" AND ENEMY OF CONAN HAS PILLFERED MY MEMOIRS!
I WILL SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE ME, AND HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN!
LOVE,
CONAN
big_eirish@yahoo.com
Heed the Claviger! I'm in. Mordicai at gmail!
ReplyDeleteWhat is this contraption! I have spent 25 years in the wilderness hunting for my wives and 8 children, constantly fighting off vicious raptors, and other dinos. Needless to say, I am quite the barbarian myself, I even and best buds with Grom. I don't want this book, I EFFING NEED IT. I will not survive without it.
ReplyDeleteI actually am an aspiring savage. This book would help me greatly! dualkodachi@comporium.net
ReplyDeleteAs I am constantly besieged by giant enchanted snakes whilst protecting helpless porcelain-skinned maidens, I am in great need of this book and the sorceries held betwixt it's devil-spawned pages!
ReplyDeletetony_artist_nichols(at)yahoo.com
I would like a copy to understand why our Barbarian hero is battling both pirate and ninja on the front cover. The Merlin-esque wizard I can let go, but a pirate? A ninja? And then there's the zombie, and some dude with great hair chillin' on his cell? This is like some mega, ultra-violent pop culture cosplay comicon orgy... so it should do well.
ReplyDeletechristopher [at] markbattypublisher [dotcom]
Tetracycline_kills@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteawesome cover!!!!
ReplyDeleteknockturnprojects [at} gmail [dot] [com]
I would like to be a Barbarian
ReplyDeletemdee80@yahoo.com
Pick me ! Pick me !
ReplyDeleteahwoo@digiblade.com
Before the dawn of time
ReplyDeleteWhen the oceans ran red with blood....
giantdrunkenrobot (at) hotmail . com
looks dope, I would love a copy.
ReplyDeletecontactsource@gmail.com
Sign me up!
ReplyDeleteducttapetie@yahoo.com
Oh dang.
ReplyDeleteyeahitsbrock (at) gmail.com
I must know all I can about mine enemy.
ReplyDeleteStickstickstick AT gmail DOT com
By Crom I hope to vin!
ReplyDeletedaniel at steamcrow dot com
Sold me with Clavicle and Skullbasher :)
ReplyDeletefaithfulcynic@gmail.com
Commenting =) zammerm@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteCROM.
ReplyDeletefaceforbreakfastATgmailDOTcom
By the power of Greyskull... I'M THE POWER!!!!!!
ReplyDeletefvillanuevapalazon@gmail.com
Occupy Valhalla.
ReplyDeletesc.a.carey@gmail.com
BY CROM!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhoops --- BY CROM!!!!!
ReplyDeletegarza68@gmail.com
Crom's Dark Humor!
ReplyDeletethebitterfrost (at) gmail (dot) com
My fiance would love this! I've been looking for awesome books to send him while he studies to be an Army Medic at AIT (not that I wouldn't read it before I sent it).
ReplyDeleteso107009@ohio.edu
Rawrrrr!
ReplyDeletemannydjr(at)gmail.com
I would like to win, please. Thank you.
ReplyDeletereisobrien[at]gmail[dot]com
Sounds awesome!
ReplyDeleteheroesofthefallen(at)live.com
I AM A REAL SAVAGE!!! MY SURNAME IS SAVAGE!!! My whole life I have heard the name of all Savages everywhere used as an adjective for all things brutal, and is it possible that now justice will be done upon all those Savages that have come before me? I need to read this book to know! I need this book to teach my children where they come from! benjaminsavage@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteRad x100! Even though it will lessen my chances of winning, I'm definitely going to promote this via the @PaperDarts Twitter tomorrow. How can I not?
ReplyDeletehollharrison@gmail.com
Matt.Mikalatos (at) gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anything barbarous to say. Maybe because I'm Greek. Or maybe because I really need this book. Help.
Don't you know who the f____ I am!? It's the Barbarian bitch!
ReplyDeletejoshrussell33 (at) yahoo.com
By the guts of the Red-faced God, this shall be mine!!! dungeonmastersdecree(at)gmail.com
ReplyDeleteBy This Axe I Rule!!
ReplyDeleteBrutorzBill (AT) Gmail DOT com
"this contest is open only to USA residents"
ReplyDeleteCroms crusty loincloth!
Cromsblood@NotAHopeInHell.Aaarghh!
Freakin Awesome!
ReplyDeletedemonbodymod@hotmail.com
Rawr? allthingsgo at gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI will rape your horses and steal your women!
ReplyDeletejustinmetzger@gmail.com
Insert joke about barbarians here ______.
ReplyDeletejoelnpompi@gmail.com