Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Win a copy of Barbarians: A Handbook for Aspiring Savages

UPDATE: Adam won and has been emailed.




Barbarians: A Handbook for Aspiring Savages by Byron Clavicle, Grute Skullbasher, Benjamin Chadwick, and featuring approximately 100 illustrations by Joshua Kemble:

Sick of our spineless twenty-first century, with its fat-free cow milk, electric cars, and websites about spoiled chihuahuas? Wishing you could get what you want, when you want it? Perhaps you dream of trading in that restrictive tie for a liberating loincloth, then setting your office aflame? Ask yourself this: “What Would a Barbarian Do?” With this primitive procedure, great men have altered the course of history (and hilarious B movies) for thousands of years.

Return to the simplicity of yore with this back-to-basics primer on bloody vengeance, furry pants, swordplay, and savage cuisine. Let renowned scholar Dr. Byron Clavicle and bona fide barbarian Grüte Skullbasher teach you how to crush your enemies, settle rent disputes, find a proper name and title that will put you atop the Yor Scale of Name Masculinity, and snare a chain-mail-bikini-wearing Amazon! With just twenty-thousand calories a day and a commitment to pillaging and plundering, you can join the rampaging hordes, negotiating with only your battleax as you destroy civilization!
Available at Amazon.

I have one copy to give away. For a chance to win, comment on this post and include your email so I can contact you. One comment per person, and this contest is open only to USA residents. I'll pick the winner Sunday evening.

41 comments:

  1. There are many days I'd love to set my office aflame.

    Milo.jones(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. DEAR SUPER PUNCH,

    BY CROM! THIS SO-CALLED "DOCTOR" AND ENEMY OF CONAN HAS PILLFERED MY MEMOIRS!

    I WILL SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE ME, AND HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN!

    LOVE,

    CONAN

    big_eirish@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heed the Claviger! I'm in. Mordicai at gmail!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What is this contraption! I have spent 25 years in the wilderness hunting for my wives and 8 children, constantly fighting off vicious raptors, and other dinos. Needless to say, I am quite the barbarian myself, I even and best buds with Grom. I don't want this book, I EFFING NEED IT. I will not survive without it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I actually am an aspiring savage. This book would help me greatly! dualkodachi@comporium.net

    ReplyDelete
  6. As I am constantly besieged by giant enchanted snakes whilst protecting helpless porcelain-skinned maidens, I am in great need of this book and the sorceries held betwixt it's devil-spawned pages!

    tony_artist_nichols(at)yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would like a copy to understand why our Barbarian hero is battling both pirate and ninja on the front cover. The Merlin-esque wizard I can let go, but a pirate? A ninja? And then there's the zombie, and some dude with great hair chillin' on his cell? This is like some mega, ultra-violent pop culture cosplay comicon orgy... so it should do well.

    christopher [at] markbattypublisher [dotcom]

    ReplyDelete
  8. awesome cover!!!!

    knockturnprojects [at} gmail [dot] [com]

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would like to be a Barbarian

    mdee80@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Pick me ! Pick me !

    ahwoo@digiblade.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Before the dawn of time
    When the oceans ran red with blood....

    giantdrunkenrobot (at) hotmail . com

    ReplyDelete
  12. looks dope, I would love a copy.

    contactsource@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sign me up!

    ducttapetie@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh dang.

    yeahitsbrock (at) gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. I must know all I can about mine enemy.
    Stickstickstick AT gmail DOT com

    ReplyDelete
  16. By Crom I hope to vin!

    daniel at steamcrow dot com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sold me with Clavicle and Skullbasher :)

    faithfulcynic@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. CROM.

    faceforbreakfastATgmailDOTcom

    ReplyDelete
  19. By the power of Greyskull... I'M THE POWER!!!!!!

    fvillanuevapalazon@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Occupy Valhalla.

    sc.a.carey@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Whoops --- BY CROM!!!!!
    garza68@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. Crom's Dark Humor!

    thebitterfrost (at) gmail (dot) com

    ReplyDelete
  23. My fiance would love this! I've been looking for awesome books to send him while he studies to be an Army Medic at AIT (not that I wouldn't read it before I sent it).

    so107009@ohio.edu

    ReplyDelete
  24. Rawrrrr!

    mannydjr(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. I would like to win, please. Thank you.

    reisobrien[at]gmail[dot]com

    ReplyDelete
  26. Sounds awesome!

    heroesofthefallen(at)live.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. I AM A REAL SAVAGE!!! MY SURNAME IS SAVAGE!!! My whole life I have heard the name of all Savages everywhere used as an adjective for all things brutal, and is it possible that now justice will be done upon all those Savages that have come before me? I need to read this book to know! I need this book to teach my children where they come from! benjaminsavage@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. Rad x100! Even though it will lessen my chances of winning, I'm definitely going to promote this via the @PaperDarts Twitter tomorrow. How can I not?

    hollharrison@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Matt.Mikalatos (at) gmail.com

    I can't think of anything barbarous to say. Maybe because I'm Greek. Or maybe because I really need this book. Help.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Don't you know who the f____ I am!? It's the Barbarian bitch!

    joshrussell33 (at) yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. By the guts of the Red-faced God, this shall be mine!!! dungeonmastersdecree(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. By This Axe I Rule!!
    BrutorzBill (AT) Gmail DOT com

    ReplyDelete
  33. "this contest is open only to USA residents"

    Croms crusty loincloth!

    Cromsblood@NotAHopeInHell.Aaarghh!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Freakin Awesome!

    demonbodymod@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  35. Rawr? allthingsgo at gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. I will rape your horses and steal your women!


    justinmetzger@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  37. Insert joke about barbarians here ______.

    joelnpompi@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete