My smoke and gunny asked to get in the trails for a fire mission... Gunny must have forgot how hard a charge 7 kicks because he fell and pulled my gunner off with him ππ pic.twitter.com/IfWLbaX4fnβ Courtney (@courtlewis127) July 31, 2018
genie: you have three wishesβ Olly iConic (@Chumpstring) April 15, 2018
me: make firemen ugly
genie: you got it
me: instead of sliding down a pole make them climb out of a well
genie: ok
me: take the big ladder off their truck
genie: dude whatβs your problem
[a baseball rolls by my foot]β Mark Magark (@markedly) September 30, 2017
KID: hey mister, can you throw that back
ME: *embarrassed about how I look when I throw* uh eat shit, kid
Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleepingβ Laura Lovette (@laurajaylovette) July 19, 2018
β π π π €π (@jbum) July 21, 2018
I'm addicted to reading the screenwriting subreddit and I hope this screenshot helps you understand why pic.twitter.com/sLdsynSPQ2β How do i get the rose in my name (@i_zzzzzz) July 28, 2018
Perfect haircut π pic.twitter.com/bfFNeTIdDlβ puppieπ (@activepuppie) July 29, 2018
The dove drops an olive branch in my hands. He knows that I hate olives. This means warβ rachel jane andelman π₯ (@rajandelman) July 29, 2018
all of these have the same energy pic.twitter.com/9AQBaocVD5β ΚddoΧs (@sloppydraws) July 29, 2018
has Tom Cruise seen a movie? pic.twitter.com/9Li0zAq1YBβ Ryan Perez (@ryguyperez) July 30, 2018