Ten funny tweets

this is excellent honestly pic.twitter.com/ROZHt1rhHe

— ● Will Wiesenfeld ● (@BATHSmusic) December 28, 2019

Kevin Harlan is OUTSTANDING.

Announcing the Chiefs game, he gives play-by-play of the Dolphins taking the lead over the Patriots to secure a bye for KC.

This call is amazing, the crowd reaction is tremendous, the Chiefs player reaction is incredible. I love EVERYTHING about it. pic.twitter.com/imVO3B9IkJ

— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) December 29, 2019

2020's hottest kink will be reaching inside someone's soul and squeezing life into a part of it they thought was long fucking dead

— giallo shots (@emotionalpedant) December 29, 2019

My grandma decided to be our elf on the shelf this year pic.twitter.com/HrCPBQl4Ip

— ellie nieman (@E_niem10) December 26, 2019

1069. pic.twitter.com/9vQ80txTbZ

— Sword lesbian. (@TMSTSTFD) December 20, 2019

I'm pretty much useless in the kitchen so while my dad and @sadiegennis were making latkes, my job was finding weird things on wikipedia to tell them about. pic.twitter.com/qK7IWkQzaK

— emi gennis (@imemi) December 26, 2019

the poor, beleaguered fact-checker had to call my dad and confirm his height, which he of course, absolutely lied about. unbelievable.

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) December 30, 2019

walking around without my glasses on is so freeing. none of this faintly out of focus shit is my problem.

— Bris Angel (@Cryptoterra) December 20, 2019

Joe Mixon went to celebrate the Bengals' second win all year, but the ref got in the way 😅

(via @ChaseLaub1)pic.twitter.com/MaiSG4RQPq

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) December 30, 2019

Iguana on his back pic.twitter.com/uWK6qXJ3aW

— kenzie (@Kenzhadley) December 28, 2019

*More funny posts.

French promotional video for the Murderbot novels; A hummingbird's forked tongue; Keanu as Mr. Sinister

Martha Wells signe avec Journal d'un AssaSynth un récit tout en ironie et en sensibilité sur l’éveil à la conscience et l’exercice du libre arbitre.

💡https://t.co/cGEkOOs71J pic.twitter.com/svcDgVCCks

— L'Atalante (@Latalante) December 30, 2019

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Anand Varma (@anandavarma)

Its late, but my vote for aviation photo of the year is this one from the successful deadstick emergency landing of a #Citation in an Argentinian cornfield. Love how the trail shows the wings were rocking gently as it scythed the corn before coming to a stop. Excellent pilotage. pic.twitter.com/ZdBS2NjOev

— D. Stamos/Helodriver (@SpacecoastPix) December 29, 2019

Channel 10 logo from Uruguay, used during the 70s and 80s #number10 #fontsunday @DesignMuseum #canal10 ⬆️👁️ pic.twitter.com/men2suKteH

— Andrew Bannister (@andrewbannister) December 29, 2019

Bearded Mr. Sinister gives me Keanu vibes, so I did a quick rework :D pic.twitter.com/TMOJMKNJUx

— BossLogic (@Bosslogic) December 25, 2019

Strong concept for a late night talk show featuring the Muppets

it would be the greatest show of all time because 1) the stilted fakeness of late night talk shows would be camped up by the presence of Muppets and 2) we would have a new rubric to judge celebrities by, ie, how well they interact with Muppets

— Caroline O’Donoghue (@Czaroline) December 29, 2019

crazy stuff would happen!! like they would book Marlon Brando, who for some reason in this universe is still alive, but "double-book" him with a pianist fish called Marlin Grando. They would sit next to each other on the couch awkwardly and then play Heart and Soul on the piano!!

— Caroline O’Donoghue (@Czaroline) December 29, 2019

Kermit would be a dazzling interviewer but sometimes he would lose patience with the guests and the teleprompter. He would also have long-standing beefs with random celebrities from the 70s like Francis Ford Coppola

— Caroline O’Donoghue (@Czaroline) December 29, 2019

Ten funny tweets

My sister-in-law made new stockings for this year and they are AMAZING pic.twitter.com/2u955rGAAR

— Dot Hutchison (@DotHutchison) December 25, 2019

me at home on break trying to figure out if today is tuesday or saturday pic.twitter.com/erXDHndfjs

— abogail (@tbcstan) December 27, 2019

LA weight training is hiking with ur full vlog equipment

— Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) December 27, 2019

taika waititi was nominated for an oscar for a short film in 2005 and apparently he told the other nominees they should all pretend to be asleep but he was the only one who actually did it. legend pic.twitter.com/S3o40tC17C

— paul rudd (@philsadelphia) December 30, 2019

“I am not a liar, Mom. The only people I ever lie to are you and Dad.”

— katie rosman (@katierosman) December 27, 2019

*huge crash and splintering of furniture"*

I run in to see my two children looking guilty.

"Who did this?"

6y/o, optimistically: "You did?"

— Jim Rossignol (@jimrossignol) December 27, 2019

The most depressing part of LITTLE WOMEN (1869) is not when Beth dies but when Jo's short story wins a prize of $100, reminding any fellow writers reading the book that freelance rates have remained roughly stable SINCE THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA

— Jennifer Morrow (@jenniferemorrow) December 27, 2019

This made my day. pic.twitter.com/RtocGpFYBh

— 𝐺𝑜𝑗𝑘𝑜. (@aarondinglek) December 13, 2019

Oh no!!! I can't watch!!! pic.twitter.com/TTs29QbsnB

— Mr. Meowgi (@Mr_Meowwwgi) December 17, 2019

My dad fr brought the wrong dog home from the groomers 😭 I know that dog was big trippin the whole car ride over #hehadonejob pic.twitter.com/x7lkiu2Ooe

— slickrick ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (@_RiCkAAyy) December 27, 2019

*More funny posts.

No idea, executed hilariously

The prequels were a good idea executed very poorly.

Force Awakens was no idea executed very well.

The Last Jedi was a challenging idea executed very well.

Rise of Skywalker was no idea executed hilariously.

— Daniel Kaszor (@dkaszor) December 20, 2019

Palpatine the Hypeman is Healymade's latest custom wrestler

Already sold out, I believe.

*Buy WWE x TMNT figures at Amazon.

Ten funny tweets

The crashing sound is sending me😭 pic.twitter.com/BiF9aemSe0

— 🇧🇧 (@rahm3sh) December 25, 2019

The best PHANTOM THREAD story I heard is they knew Daniel Day-Lewis probably wouldn’t pose for the poster, so Paul Thomas Anderson wrote a scene into the movie where Woodcock and Alma get their pictures taken to make sure they’d have enough art for the one-sheet pic.twitter.com/6ZDlumnkDB

— Kyle Buchanan (@kylebuchanan) December 27, 2019

"I always thought Yogi Berra was a parody of Yogi Bear" - @larsonchristina

— James Palmer (@BeijingPalmer) December 24, 2019

lmfao, look at this fool https://t.co/CWQXUQ6vHI

— Cockhaver82 (@cockhaver82) December 22, 2019

Scenes from a Dec. 23 @Macys — a photo essay pic.twitter.com/tjRVOihJ9O

— 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛. (@GregBensinger) December 24, 2019

My mom just sent me this 😂😭 There’s no place like Detroit 😩 pic.twitter.com/iCsbzzqlT2

— Taylor Jones (@Follow_Taylor_) December 24, 2019

christmas is a portmanteau of "christ" and "live más"

— Sam Fishell (@SamFishell) December 24, 2019

we started KNIVES OUT minutes ago and my parents have already gone “ohhh jamie lee curtis” and “mmm. he was married to melanie griffith” https://t.co/3WVQ8UTPPy

— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 25, 2019

My aunt got me The Sweater for Christmas lollllllllllll pic.twitter.com/z2G8kOb4WC

— Anna Menta (@annalikestweets) December 25, 2019

🎄 pic.twitter.com/VTmB5HM8Z8

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) December 25, 2019

*More funny posts.

Baby Yoda deviled eggs; Oscar Isaac does Kylo fan art; Giant bat monster

My husband and I made Baby Yoda hard boiled eggs for #NocheBuena 🥚 🥚 pic.twitter.com/JBu93OMiPI

— Lissette ✨ (@lcarreradesign) December 24, 2019

Ten funny tweets

Lol at Draymond trying to take off all his ice packs to get in the game.... pic.twitter.com/nuWvqCjluo

— gifdsports (@gifdsports) December 25, 2019

I JUST DROPPED ALL THE FISH AT MY@JOB WTF DO I DO😭 pic.twitter.com/Baw5QFSGJu

— angie $ (@bratmilf) December 24, 2019

So my dog won’t ever drink out of his water bowl, he will only drink out of the toilet. So my mom bought him a toilet water bowl for Christmas and It actually works😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/puDQtzS4dz

— Logan Kelleher (@logankelleher_) December 24, 2019

Queen Elizabeth knows bad vibes when she sees it pic.twitter.com/KjB7Ec3FeA

— yesssir. (@Willzzzyy_) December 25, 2019

inception is the funniest movie ever made. even when presented with the infinite imagination of the human subconscious nolan could still only see men in suits explaining things. a room turns around a bit

— spacenoid jackson (@headfallsoff) December 24, 2019

Along with being the greatest wife in existence, @jz4250 is also a pretty awesome aunt lol pic.twitter.com/7QA64v7iTe

— MZ4250 (@mz4250) December 24, 2019

Hey @chrisdelia! It's ya boy @orangecassidy just chillin' on a ladder
Obviously
Watch #AEWDark NOW at 7e/6c & subscribe to our YouTube channel at https://t.co/oZiB2U1XM8, so you don't miss out! pic.twitter.com/WyRkuDCYGP

— All Elite Wrestling (@AEWrestling) December 25, 2019

Looking forward to networking with my family

— phoebewalsh (@phoebewalsh_) December 24, 2019

*online shopping* Oo this would be a nice basic set of earrings

*swipes through photos* wait what pic.twitter.com/2s34s2QTZC

— . (@doragzplora) December 24, 2019

Goodboye doing his best pic.twitter.com/yRKrX40uUd

— Dogs are the best people (@_TheBestDogs) December 13, 2019

*More funny posts.

Wargaming miniatures roundup

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Giuseppe Del Buono gdb 👹 (@gdbmakesweirdthings) on Dec 26, 2019 at 2:12am PST

Jim Henson (with Kermit) custom action figure

View this post on Instagram

Been quietly working on this one for a while between commission jobs. I’m really, really proud of this one. Gonna hold onto it for now until I decide what I wanna do with it. I really wanted to end the year with something I was happy with and I’m glad this will be that piece. I’ll never be able to put into words what it feels like to have the support I have from not only friends and family, but from people who don’t know me at all but just believe in what I’m doing. Every time i really stop to think about these things, it melts my mind. Eternally grateful for the last few years and all of the amazing people that have filled them. Thanks everyone :) #danobanano #jimhenson #kermitthefrog

A post shared by danobanano (@dano_brown) on Dec 27, 2019 at 12:36pm PST

*Buy Jim Henson Funko toys at Amazon.

Ten funny tweets

.@CoachJeffFisher with a late push for Coach of the Year 🐶pic.twitter.com/hCqIuZbM2L

— B/R Gridiron (@brgridiron) December 22, 2019

Now comes that special time of Adult Christmas, where it’s just you and your mom in the kitchen, and she tells you the saddest thing you’ve ever heard

— Jeff Loveness (@JeffLoveness) December 27, 2019

Omw to kick your government's ass 🔥🔥🔥#PROMARE #プロメア pic.twitter.com/ucCXUIRaxN

— Gussy 🔥🚒 (@Gunmetalr0se) December 23, 2019

My family doesn't appreciate my biblically accurate angel cookie pic.twitter.com/3sgyCYt9bJ

— Sarah Linders (@VelociSarah) December 26, 2019

pic.twitter.com/o1HTTXDJoQ

— Good doggos (@DoggoDating) December 26, 2019

Oh my god. Years later... It's finally happening.

God help us all. https://t.co/36A97mojdv

— Chloe Adams (@addamschloe) December 22, 2019

great british bake off characters:
1. northern irish person even though the show is not the great united kingdom bake off
2. old guy
3. vegan
4. flamboyant heterosexual man
5. flamboyant homosexual man
6. welsh person who puts a dragon on everything
7. pervert

— james (⛄) (@buffalocialism) December 26, 2019

Yo i swear it gets funnier every time. He’s loving his X-Mas gift. 😂😍 pic.twitter.com/pEeNaVReBC

— Jairo 🇲🇽 (@JairoIncreible) December 25, 2019

My mom asked my niece, who has done nothing today except open presents and eat sugar, to turn up the volume on the tv and she paused, looked at everyone and said “I’ve done everything for you guys today.” and left the room silently.

— TiffanyTrumpVEVO (@Johnatron4000) December 25, 2019

Get a dog they said!!!!!
It’ll be fun they said!!!!! Arsehole 🤪 pic.twitter.com/rrAk8HL6UL

— K O’My Days (@FrimpongNtcham) December 22, 2019

View this post on Instagram

Our alpaca loves our UPS guy... @chewy_the_alpaca #alpaca

A post shared by UPS Dogs (@upsdogs) on Dec 21, 2019 at 3:39pm PST

*More funny posts.

Action figure-style packaging for cash; Patch for The Ghost Army; Golden-faced goat

None of the kids wanted toys for Christmas this year, they just wanted cash. Understandable, but cash as a gift, while practical, always feels impersonal, so I made special packaging. Went over well pic.twitter.com/urXVCHtDyW

— Donnachaidha O’Chionnaigh (@TwoClawsMedia) December 26, 2019

The Ghost Army, officially known as the 23rd Headquarters Special Troops, was a secret elite tactical force of American GIs that used illusions and sound effects to deceive and demoralize the Germans on the battlefields of WWII Europe. pic.twitter.com/wG2jT7MDV5

— Tony Ganios (@RealTonyGanios) December 11, 2017

Mountain goat (now in Boston), Proto-Elamite Period (3,500-2,700 BC). Susa, Iran, Silk Road.https://t.co/VLJmXuzUuO #silkroad #NGSilkRoad pic.twitter.com/NP9UCJTI0I

— Photos of Silk Road (@PicsSilkRoad) February 18, 2018

Felt inspired by a comment someone left to make a post showing how I use reference. I understand the impulse to be guarded with this sort of thing, I think a lot or artists feel scared revealing too much process might somehow ruin the magic for other people. I make my artwork,1/4 pic.twitter.com/nqO3JkKvDl

— Miles Johnston (@MilesJohnston) December 23, 2019

When u dropped ur skull pic.twitter.com/ONDFJov0Wa

— mcc (@mcclure111) June 11, 2016

Real time it looked like the Eastern Michigan QB accidentally punched out the ref

EM's Glass just straight slapped 2 Pitt players and caught an official in the crossfire pic.twitter.com/QMrVu9U630

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 27, 2019

Quokkas

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suzana Paravac (@cruzysuzy) on Dec 10, 2019 at 6:06am PST

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suzana Paravac (@cruzysuzy) on Nov 26, 2019 at 6:25am PST

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suzana Paravac (@cruzysuzy) on Nov 2, 2019 at 7:51am PDT

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suzana Paravac (@cruzysuzy) on Nov 7, 2019 at 6:20am PST

*Buy quokka toys at Amazon.

When Stormtroopers mock you at Galaxy's Edge; Grandpa looks exactly like Kylo Ren; The droid's name does sound like "Arturito"

Vicious Mockery#dnd #dungeonsanddragons #dnd5e pic.twitter.com/fTu2m3dSDB

— The GodDamn DM (@TheGodDamnDM) December 24, 2019

Estábamos viendo fotografías familiares y me doy cuenta que mi abuelo paterno es Kylo Ren pic.twitter.com/w9CuojCerY

— Juanito Alimaña (@Ma0Gb) December 26, 2019

I am AOC.
AOC who?
*nods to the distance*
AOC Obama

DIRECTED BY JJ ABRAMS

— Landon't Morgan (@landonmorgan) December 26, 2019

So to fully understand the first two minutes of #RiseofSkywalker you need:

- to have played Fortnite at 2 pm on a single Saturday before the movie came out

- own an expensive VR headset and play Vader Immortal VR

- buy and read the visual dictionary for the movie for $25

— Gene Park (@GenePark) December 26, 2019

my mexican father thought R2D2 was named “Arturito”

— ( ͡°з ͡°) (@c5e1a5) December 20, 2019

Ten funny tweets

When your friend gets themselves into some nonsense and you'll be damned if you're gonna let 'em go through that nonsense on their own. pic.twitter.com/CWKZNOVor3

— Isaac Fitzgerald🤞🏻🖤 (@IsaacFitzgerald) December 22, 2019

Just referred to myself, with a certain level of irony, as my wife’s “eye candy”. To which my ten year old said, “daddy, you’re not eye candy. You’re eye potatoes.” RIP me.

— Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) December 21, 2019

thinking again about toni braxton including a google image search screenshot in her tribute to aretha franklin and spelling every single person’s name wrong, and laughing anew pic.twitter.com/3PdtYQjpXk

— Sean (@seanbgoneill) December 22, 2019

We should have known that she was gonna kill it when she took that school badg5off in sync with the music. 😂

— Mark111 (@MarkOfThaaBeast) December 22, 2019

My 12 year old sister has a bunch of friends over and just now one of them accidentally dropped a cheeto on the ground and whispered “god told me my path would not be easy” and I’m going into cardiac arrest

— Chel (@rhymewithrachel) December 22, 2019

Mo Salah gently removing the cups from the table so that they don’t spill when it gets a bit raucous is why I would die for the man pic.twitter.com/fEVzDfCnWG

— Jess 🧵🧶 (@jessf_white) December 21, 2019

#PHILIPPINES - Children react as a Bengal tiger licks the glass surrounding its enclosure during the "Animal Christmas Party", where the youths were treated to a tour of the Malabon Zoo, in Manila on December 21, 2019.
📸 Maria Tan#AFP pic.twitter.com/25lGMM5XMt

— AFP Photo (@AFPphoto) December 22, 2019

Sometimes the internet is just perfect. pic.twitter.com/iGCJbwQk9H

— Stevil Kinevil (@StevilKinevil) December 20, 2019

Say what you will about Pete but he has, hands down, the single funniest candidate instagram series pic.twitter.com/F3zzztSpP7

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) December 22, 2019

That’s a lit of work. pic.twitter.com/lCRmMkgbZO

— jamie (@gnuman1979) December 23, 2019

*More funny posts.