Her boyfriend asked her how to cook, she told him I’ll teach you but only in one condition: pic.twitter.com/4UdoW2AUeT— TOTA🐣 (@txvll2) February 6, 2020
Geralt: anyone who thought i was actually dating Jaskier rise your hand.— incorrect witcher (@incwitcher) February 8, 2020
Geralt:
Geralt: put your hand down, Jaskier
this could singlehandedly revive american malls and destroy amazon https://t.co/jA6y7jFaxM— Dan Nguyen (@dancow) February 10, 2020
Everything about New Hampshire is ridiculous. A dental dentist! pic.twitter.com/eG68YKJAf2— Pinboard (@Pinboard) February 10, 2020
I waitressed at olive garden for years and no amount of training can prepare you for the number of men who think it's ok to propose to their girlfriends in an olive garden on valentine's day— Sigh, it's Ashley (@AshToTheFuture) February 7, 2020
‘We’re just friends.’— Medium Driis (@driscolltheque) February 8, 2020
The cult member who pointed me to the toilet replies.
‘Oh. I like your... tops?’ I say, temporarily forgetting the word ‘robe.’
He and a friend smile at me, but after a pause when it becomes clear that nothing will be said in response, I scuttle off..
Students, you must remember that the thesaurus is a liar. No matter how sweet its call, how inviting its search function, it is not your friend. It is not there to help you. It will inevitably betray you, for it is your nemesis; it lives for one purpose: to destroy your writing.— Dan Nexon (@dhnexon) February 10, 2020
chaotic good and chaotic evil pic.twitter.com/QQM5RGYB4u— 4x academy award winner bong joon ho (@wingheadd) February 9, 2020
I'm so happy for Timothée Chalamet getting his Oscar nomination, really I am but I can't read about him without having a massive stress flashback to that time I accidentally kissed his dad on the mouth in front of his wife— alexis nedd (@alexisthenedd) January 23, 2018
Extremely jealous of u/vosszaa, who literally trades lunch with a SQUIRREL every day. Disney princesses are shaking right now.https://t.co/cSn2JbsiJk via r/aww pic.twitter.com/SQWUSeE6g1— Reddit (@reddit) February 10, 2020
*More funny posts.