Today's news and jokes

simone biles on her way to do gymnastics the likes of which the world has never seen: pic.twitter.com/bJrI5liYbf

— matt (@mattxiv) July 30, 2024

girlhood is winning an olympic gold medal and then planning out tiktok ideas pic.twitter.com/mQO2thtzlh

— qnqlissq (@morgansblock) July 30, 2024

@sunisalee_

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALISTSSSS 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

♬ original sound - findgodye

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A post shared by Simone Biles (@simonebiles)

("Tokyo silver medalist MyKayla Skinner apologizes for criticizing non-Simone Biles members of Team USA")

lol not even three hours apart pic.twitter.com/B5JHPMOJkL

— Aaron Fritschner (@Fritschner) July 30, 2024

Vance: I would call my wife up here to speak but then I think I’d have to sleep on the couch pic.twitter.com/149BDw2EZY

— Acyn (@Acyn) July 31, 2024

Status of the Trump-Vance campaign right now pic.twitter.com/AE16SNbF8V

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) July 30, 2024

New from 404 Media: hundreds of websites are trying to block the AI company Anthropic from scraping their content, but are blocking the wrong bots, in part because AI companies are constantly launching new scrapers. Cat and mouse game https://t.co/HwK51UB0re pic.twitter.com/duGVVQT7pK

— Joseph Cox (@josephfcox) July 29, 2024

Grim stuff from the alt-weekly world: the Village Voice, LA Weekly, and the Riverfront Times are publishing AI slop promoting OnlyFans creators, disguised as editorial: https://t.co/t7541EKsmb

— Kate Knibbs 🏄🏻‍♀️ (@Knibbs) July 30, 2024

New: After spending millions of dollars to license celebrities' likenesses for AI chatbots, Meta is scrapping the effort after it didn't take off with users: https://t.co/VIR56RuuMx

w/ @SylviaVarnham & @KalleyHuang

— Kaya Yurieff (@kyurieff) July 30, 2024

This is what the pandemic looked like to a republican https://t.co/6ibx12JWPP

— Tommy Stella - MUSTN'T TELL OUT NOW (@tommy_stella) July 27, 2024

Give it enough time and every news organization eventually becomes a betting site. ESPN was just an early adopter. https://t.co/WJXKrRZqdx

— Seamus Hughes (@SeamusHughes) July 29, 2024

Super Punch is going to become a betting site for predicting when toys revealed at SDCC will actually reach the market

Will smith https://t.co/9rPr8Lw8ZI

— S A M ! (@ComicNerdSam) July 30, 2024

Robert Downey Jr. is making "significantly more" than $80 million to play Doctor Doom in two "Avengers" movies, sources say.

Downey's deal is also filled with perks that include private jet travel, dedicated security and a whole “trailer encampment.”https://t.co/nqoP3w3xhb

— Variety (@Variety) July 30, 2024

one of the dumbest ideas to come out of that whole dumb movie https://t.co/4qxH49xfOd

— dani 🏳️‍⚧️ (U CaN sAVe heR) (@AutismRonin) July 30, 2024

Haven't seen the movie, but Feige should be tbe anchor being like Stephen King in his own universe

pic.twitter.com/5BOAQnNjpw

— Eileen Flaherty (@JackandGradyMom) July 31, 2024

The LeBron James opening ceremony card is officially here. 🇺🇸

This year’s Topps Now Olympics cards feature a new parallel structure:

- Blue /49
- Stars & Stripes /24
- Red /10
- Orange /5
- Gold 1/1

All parallels will be printed with a foil finish, and as an added touch, the… pic.twitter.com/O3K08hKFup

— Topps (@Topps) July 30, 2024

Shout out to Coco's hand

No edits, just 55 centimetres of height difference between these two 😳#Paris2024 x #Basketball pic.twitter.com/isetDmUK6G

— FIBA (@FIBA) July 30, 2024

I never watch basketball, but turned on the last few seconds of this game and legitimately thought they had changed the rules to give you a free throw after scoring, akin to a conversion in rugby, so non-existent was the "foul" that tied the game https://t.co/WxowBHs6jL

— Gearoid Reidy リーディー・ガロウド (@GearoidReidy) July 31, 2024

Honestly one of the best things I've ever seen on this island pic.twitter.com/FTsw0B33SF

— Tom Nuttall (@tom_nuttall) July 28, 2024

Summarized

Far Cry: Blood Dragon lets you flip the bird at enemies if you hit the melee button when they aren't in melee range. If you keep hitting melee, you'll start alternating hands, and you can keep doing this until you're actually in melee range

— cannon9009 (@cannon9009) July 6, 2024

was trying to get my 2yo to nap on vacation, so i offered her a cheddar square to nibble on and said “let’s lie down on our cot and read a book in the nice quiet darkness together.” since then she has been asking to “eat cheese in the darkness”

— Katie Chironis (@kchironis) July 7, 2024

weekend reading pic.twitter.com/rWcJAX6dff

— Alfred Valley (@ValleyOfAlfred) July 6, 2024

(Amazon has it)

choosing to pronounce this as "misogynoodle" pic.twitter.com/fFrHTXfFwl

— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) July 6, 2024

Vultures are so unfairly maligned, I got to see a pair of black vultures loafing and preening each other sweetly on a window ledge 🖤🖤🖤 pic.twitter.com/XyOWXwJP0D

— Sandra Loam 🪺 (@horrible_bug) July 5, 2024

@kodathecanineyoda Replying to @lgarcia590 This is the first time his ears have been compared to nacho chips but yes, we see it!🤣 #cutedog #rescuedog #flk ♬ original sound - .swungdrac

*More funny posts.