Today's news and jokes

The swipe to open the door is PERFECTION https://t.co/msN7XVb9xh

— Jamie D - Making Vaporwave pinball (@uk_resistant) July 23, 2024

They might be trying to evade their merchant-cash-advance loans -- sometimes payments are based on CC receipts

— Zeke Faux (@ZekeFaux) September 8, 2024

Divorce now has its own scent!

Dubai princess — Mahra — who divorced her husband last month through an instagram post just announced the launch of a new perfume, which she named Divorce.

(Read all about the high profile divorce & the debates it sparked in @newlinesmag) pic.twitter.com/wwB7mwWSK1

— Ola Salem (@Ola_Salem) September 7, 2024

People wrote about her in July

ESPN AI recap of Alex Morgan’s final professional match fails to mention Alex Morgan https://t.co/AgIv6FDGnp pic.twitter.com/5WiMlVoLvG

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) September 9, 2024

(The article looked completely different when I checked)

lol pic.twitter.com/fEn1fREHj9

— Michael Ray Surber (Crispin Lover) (@el_surberino) September 8, 2024

(The Big 10 channel had one for a gun bag sleek enough for a chic realtor to wear)

Notre Dame paid Northern Illinois $1.4 million to play in South Bend today.

The Huskies just beat the #5 Fighting Irish 16-14—the biggest upset in NIU HISTORY. pic.twitter.com/wDd5IqiDFZ

— Front Office Sports (@FOS) September 7, 2024

Harbaugh backed out of attending the Fresno State game.

The NCAA should've made him attending the Texas game part of Michigan's punishment https://t.co/nU5VkHUCRO

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) September 7, 2024

Found him. pic.twitter.com/7fzScT7tJh

— 🇸🇲 Sickos Committee 🇸🇲 (@SickosCommittee) September 7, 2024

pennywise in the house pic.twitter.com/5q40OkyOCi

— nick (@nick_pants) September 8, 2024

(Passed by the camera at least twice in the first half)

that is a heck of a name pic.twitter.com/5TgYcab78O

— CJ Fogler account may or may not be notable (@cjzero) September 8, 2024

File this under odd NFL happenings.

Dolphins S Jordan Poyer is wearing a soft cast. It got stuck in the helmet of Jaguars WR Devin Duvernay.

Duvernay had to take off his helmet to get the cast out. pic.twitter.com/cGP8oQuNxE

— The Comeback (@thecomeback) September 8, 2024

By the way, in case you missed Heeney’s mark on Saturday night, here it is in all its glory… https://t.co/DojZl65ljT

— Stephen McDonell (@StephenMcDonell) September 9, 2024

📷 Smithsonian's NMNH @NMNH #May2018
Nested dinosaurs ?
Mourning Dove and chick in a Triceratops-protected nest.
Smithsonian Gardens' Urban Bird Habitat made this ecosystem #Washington_DC
📷 @SIGardens pic.twitter.com/X4qOhrndRG

— a_london_pigeon (@a_london_pigeon) August 1, 2024

pic.twitter.com/nTDfavD4VC

— ADHD Memes (@ADHDForReal) August 1, 2024

accidentally became important at work n its ruining my life

— kanoa (@ih4tedrugs) July 30, 2024

@michaelburo0 Every day. #siberianhusky #husky #huskysoftiktok #dog ♬ original sound - Macros by Mel

@bear_jessica02 He calls the shots #germanshepherd #doglover #doggo #dogmom #gsdpuppy ♬ Work Iggy azalea - Emoji story🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@saveelephantfoundation Chaba and PyiMai got their ball stuck in the mud, and despite their attempts to get it free, it remained stuck. Seeing their predicament, the elephant caretaker stepped in to dislodge the ball from its sticky mooring so that they could continue to play with it. It's beautiful to witness these two adorable elephants playing together. 🐘💕 เมื่อลูกบอลที่น้องชบาและปีใหม่เล่นติดโคลน สองพี่น้องตัวน้อยไม่สามารถเอาออกได้ พี่ควาญที่เฝ้ามองดูเด็กน้อยทั้งสองเล่น จึงเข้ามาช่วยดึงบอลออก เพื่อเด็กๆจะได้เล่นสนุกต่อ เป็นการแสดงออกถึงความน่ารักและใส่ใจที่พี่ควาญมีต่อน้องชบาและปีใหม่ ที่เรียกทั้งรอยยิ้มและความอบอุ่นใจได้ในเวลาเดียวกันคะ ☺️ #ElephantNaturePark #SaveElephantFoundation #มูลนิธิอนุรักษ์ช้างและสิ่งแวดล้อม #Elephant #ChiangMai #ElephantRescue #ElephantSanctuary #ศูนย์บริบาลช้าง ♬ Relaxing background music(1406273) - YOMOGI

*More funny posts.