Super Punch: Today's news and jokes

BREAKING: Homeland Security is ending a collective bargaining agreement with tens of thousands of TSA employees, marking a major attack on worker rights. https://t.co/iLe6ORkTQW
— The Associated Press (@AP) March 7, 2025

("This agreement was supposed to expire in 2031")

("Gaines County has one of Texas's highest vaccine exemption rates, at nearly 18%.")

soon US troops will remain in europe, but only protecting orban https://t.co/20IxqRPgwA
— csz (@cszabla) March 8, 2025

500 disgruntled and soon to be unemployed ex-CIA employees—some "with behavioral issues" (https://t.co/Fk2iiuVEtl) feel that their government is morally bankrupt. What could possibly go wrong?
— Shashank Joshi (@shashj) March 7, 2025

("Two soldiers and one former soldier accused of selling military secrets to China")

October 2024 --> March 2025 pic.twitter.com/7PS1TNhyGE
— Sean Casten (@SeanCasten) March 7, 2025

Americans are missing their car payments at the highest rate in decades, according to Finch Ratings data. https://t.co/GZwu52cTpy
— Axios (@axios) March 7, 2025

A Chinese state-controlled mining company mothballed a cobalt processing plant in the Democratic Republic of Congo only 15 months after opening it due to a historic slump in the price of the battery metal https://t.co/FzVXVug8nC
— Bloomberg (@business) March 6, 2025

Federal judge in Missouri to China: We’re going to need to claim more than $24 billion from you for covering up the start of Covid-19 and then hoarding protective gear—and it might mean seizing all that farmland you have been buying up in our state.https://t.co/9lfgtfMYWe
— Jonathan Cheng (@JChengWSJ) March 8, 2025

("It was not immediately clear how or when Missouri officials might move to seize Chinese assets")

Wow. The Justice Department is punishing one of the prosecutors who put Ghislaine Maxwell in prison. https://t.co/3yETcovBwj
— Jacob Shamsian ⚖️ (@JayShams) March 7, 2025

i don't think people really understand where we already are with AI video generators. whatever nightmare you imagine, we're already there https://t.co/iHecK0UtqI
— Emanuel Maiberg (@emanuelmaiberg) March 6, 2025

The good news is you don't have to worry too much about your nudes getting out

State Farm executive fired over comments about rate hikes - Los Angeles Times https://t.co/VnPJnDvwKe
— Hector Becerra (@hbecerraLATimes) March 8, 2025

Targeted on a Tinder date that was apparently a setup

We would've done this audit at no additional cost to taxpayers. 🤗

Anyway, check out our findings from our other homelessness audits at https://t.co/PdE9Cdr11L and our homelessness dashboard athttps://t.co/nuYcRbcrkL pic.twitter.com/1VUliQkb1v
— LA City Controller Kenneth Mejia (@lacontroller) March 8, 2025

“Just 177 out of the 10,000 conscription orders sent to haredim (ultra-Orthodox) since July 2024 – less than 2% – have begun their military service, according to fresh data presented in a Knesset Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee (FADC) meeting” https://t.co/4vZ531MEdZ
— Shashank Joshi (@shashj) March 6, 2025

Prints: https://t.co/gjQo0reHZ4
— Joe.B (@JoeB_Photos) March 7, 2025

Why Christina Ricci Says the Film Industry ‘Rescued Me From a Childhood That Was Not Very Nice and a Family That Was Not Very Safe’ https://t.co/2Je0IuZn9L
— Variety (@Variety) March 6, 2025

("When you were 8, there was a school play that you wanted to be in, but another kid was cast. You taunted him so much that he punched you. He lost the role, and you got it")

Bankruptcy Bulb™️ looking at (wait for it) bankruptcy. (h/t @MeltzVegas) https://t.co/8dZGJA8yBJ
— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) March 7, 2025

https://t.co/RF2RSalSYW pic.twitter.com/EiAYj4hydo
— CJ Fogler 🫡 (@cjzero) March 7, 2025

The Knicks barely made it past round one last year

Jalen Milroe's hands have grown by half an inch since he was in Mobile last month 🤯 pic.twitter.com/0BnahBkXYd
— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) March 1, 2025

Apparently, Dillon Gabriel is more than half an inch taller now than he was a few weeks ago:

Senior Bowl: 5'10 1/2
Combine: 5'11 1/8
— Sam Monson (@SamMonsonNFL) March 1, 2025

The suggestion I've seen is this is a result of stretching