Super Punch: Today's news and jokes

Dark Universe’s Darkmoor Monster Makeup Experience at Epic Universe is now available for bookings. Prices start at $45 for face makeup. A "Transformation Ticket" that includes face makeup and accessories is $169/adult, $109/child (plus tax). 10% discount for passholders. pic.twitter.com/xg5cweQ18x
— Scott Gustin (@ScottGustin) March 27, 2025

L.A. teachers union pursues big salary hike and bold ideals in opposition to Trump agenda - Los Angeles Times https://t.co/cjWt96xSTw
— Hector Becerra (@hbecerraLATimes) March 26, 2025

NEW: A leaked database shows that China is training an LLM to find even subtle hints of dissent across a wide array of sensitive topics, from political satire to corruption, Taiwan, and more.

The LLM has already been fed a whopping 133,000 examples of content.
— Charles Rollet (@CharlesRollet1) March 27, 2025

WilmerHale is targeted by Trump next, apparently for once hiring one of Mueller's deputies. https://t.co/wfmsfz9JcK pic.twitter.com/E9o6zaMlEH
— Orin Kerr (@OrinKerr) March 27, 2025

Trump’s DOJ to investigate L.A. Sheriff’s Department over long waits for gun permits (w/ @_ClaraHarter @keribla): https://t.co/MJZWBtlS6F
— Kevin Rector (@kevrector) March 28, 2025

The Democratic Party is doomed and dead, and also powerful enough to win an Amish country state senate race and spook Stefanik out of vacating her seat. Contains multitudes.
— David Weigel (@daveweigel) March 27, 2025

"You won’t hear a lot of that from my Republican friends because they know how utterly stupid that sounds. You won’t sound any smarter explaining to your constituents that the price of their medicines just went up because Denmark refused to sell us Greenland for Trumpcoins." https://t.co/OxgjxC9eHP
— Aaron Fritschner (@Fritschner) March 27, 2025

"feel bad" I mean they should be concerned their launch of a new product is overshadowed by the worst possible use case
— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) March 27, 2025

chatGPT animation generator, show me a tweet by people who are both cruel and way too online https://t.co/YNncITM7Tb
— csz (@cszabla) March 27, 2025

LASD has to retest 4000 DNA samples after realizing they accidentally used defective test kits for 8 months, seemingly because an email got lost in the ether or someone just didn't act on it: https://t.co/zGTLL6N57L
— Keri Blakinger (@keribla) March 27, 2025

("The department did not provide a copy of the company’s letter and declined to name the company")

(Energy is "So cheap it made business sense for [the] Kenya-based company Gridless to drag its shipping container full of delicate bitcoin mining computers across bumpy narrow roads 14 hours from the nearest major city to set up here")

Growing a humorously giant mustache for work portrait only for it to become the photo they use when you pass is maybe one of the funniest bits a person has ever pulled off https://t.co/666JGCQrwf
— microplastics envelope filter (@DiabolicalSpuds) March 23, 2025

After being asked countlessly for my opinion on this version of Bane, I gave an honest answer and broke X! I've been called everything from a "has been", to "bitter", to "old". Okay, the last one may be accurate.

Relax! It's just MY opinion! It shouldn't affect how you feel… https://t.co/uJmeMRCfoB
— Graham Nolan 🇺🇸 (@gnolan12) March 26, 2025