Today's news and jokes

Just passed the most existential door

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— Caroline Bartman (@cbartman.bsky.social) June 19, 2026 at 12:28 PM

Update: I moved to Toronto and published my first Canadian investigation on the very same day!

Read about how Russian sanctions are driving car thefts in Canada, once branded a "car theft capital of the world." https://t.co/1POboP7sxx https://t.co/zmrpuP04aQ

— Jane Bradley (@jane__bradley) August 30, 2026

Syracuse is in trouble. They borrowed a half billion dollars to build new dorms and now enrollment is sliding.

“The problem with Syracuse is that the school thinks of itself as like an Ivy, but it’s not,” Tavares said. pic.twitter.com/YdETLlisPP

— Marc Porter Magee 🎓 (@marcportermagee) August 30, 2026

How ISIS buries its money. Concrete ceilings, cement walls & ventilation pipes to keep the moisture out.

An investigation by @SIRAJ_SYRIA & @newlinesmag obtained 200+ of the group's financial records & mapped 9 recoveries totaling more than $47 million https://t.co/2MWS2y3YcU

— Hassan I. Hassan (@hxhassan) August 31, 2026

Robert Kiyosaki, author of 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'—one of the best-selling personal-finance books of all time—is $1.2 billion in debt. How is that even possible?https://t.co/BgaVZ6O95D

— VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) August 30, 2026

Just sharing because it's apparently a clickbait promotional tour--a group of investors with substantial real estate holdings, bragging about their cleverness in dodging taxes.

when people here say modern city life is terrible and we should return to an older, more rustic way of living, this is what i imagine https://t.co/pBpM8IcKr9

— derek guy (@dieworkwear) August 29, 2026

dont know why galliano's defenders are mad about him not getting a retrospective. people are looking at his past right now.

— derek guy (@dieworkwear) August 31, 2026

A notable quote from UCLA chancellor Julio Frenk: "UCLA Athletics currently carries a significant financial deficit, and its current path is not sustainable." https://t.co/ZaCAdUxXuh

— Paolo Uggetti (@PaoloUggetti) August 31, 2026

If they can't exit the rose bowl deal, they should probably think really hard about downsizing the football commitment

Exclusive: Callaway's top content exec and Good Good's marketing VP are being let go in the aftermath of the controversial driver ad, which neither CEO of either company says they saw before it went live.

More details @FOS ⬇️https://t.co/C3N8Vk38q7

— David Rumsey (@_DavidRumsey) August 31, 2026

A commercial so indefensible the only defense was to insist you never watched it

The international commentary reaction got me 😂

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— CJ Fogler (@cjzero.bsky.social) August 31, 2026 at 4:53 PM

Coco said who gonna stand in the line for me 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/Oqhxdb2b2I

— Biased About Tennis (@biasedabttnns) August 30, 2026

For Dolly. 🦋

A commemorative helmet sticker will be worn to honor Dolly Parton for every game this season. pic.twitter.com/A1mBw9ZqxZ

— Tennessee Football (@Vol_Football) August 31, 2026

Suggesting my dad name his fantasy football team, "Serving Punt" went as well as you'd expect.

— Case (@Cactuscali19912) August 30, 2026

His hair is evolving 🤣 pic.twitter.com/GZdv83nveI

— jmm (@jmm1719) August 22, 2026

("Japan engineer goes viral with anime-inspired hairstyle, 253 patents, 170kg bench press")

If you zoom in to the miniature Star Destroyer attached to the Executor, you’ll see a tiny Millenium Falcon recreating that moment in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’

Perfection! pic.twitter.com/RcGFB0qV5r

— DarthBeard Brix (@darthbeardbrix) August 26, 2026

Another African Pygmy falcon chick has arrived!

African Pygmy falcons are small raptors native to eastern and southern Africa. They're the smallest birds of prey on the continent, and one of the smallest in the whole world! pic.twitter.com/OO1qm4F3Wv

— San Antonio Zoo 🦍 (@SanAntonioZoo) August 26, 2026

Huge day in the park @AdamsMorganNews.

Back story: they had a jar of salsa in their cabinet for two months they couldn’t open and decided to make increasingly harder by first supergluing and then covering in aquaphor. pic.twitter.com/OlgLB8RVoG

— Fabian Lucero (@FaBeyond) August 29, 2026

@tsn

When you try to carry way too much in one trip 😂 (via: IG/revealedinflames)

♬ original sound - TSN

@olive_malshi Atleast I got an arm workout along with my steps 😂 #shihtzulovers #shihtzu #shihtzusoftiktok ♬ Chopin's Nocturne No. 2 Original Song(813987) - East Valley Music

@goudathegolden To every vet tech Gouda has ever traumatized… I’m sorry #vettechlife #goldenretrievers #vetsoffice #funnydogs #stubborndog ♬ sonido original - electronico22

@the_goldendonut “No girls allowed” - Donut probably #dogsoftiktok ♬ Chopin Nocturne No. 2 Piano Mono - moshimo sound design

*More funny posts.