Today's news and jokes

squad up, go vote
🇺🇸: 7331-5536-6547 pic.twitter.com/DIKdV6QL4b

— Official Team Kamala (@TeamKamala) October 28, 2024

look ngl i agree. the kamala harris fortnite map is more thoughtfully designed than you’d expect, and its huge https://t.co/eujAlvtWVJ pic.twitter.com/zpxfApSbqs

— Gene Park (@GenePark) October 28, 2024

(First playthrough I found)

Sorry, what the hell is it doing in the street? https://t.co/cGjZIzSAhK

— Bantership Potemkin (@Bonesdrawstuff) October 29, 2024

Ha, sucks to be them. Can you imagine having to listen to politicians even more? https://t.co/mF53DRd3Cz

— thaddeus e. grugq (@thegrugq) October 28, 2024

Also the part I blanched at — the Post has gutted metro coverage under JB, it’s not like he’s a mere spectator to this decline https://t.co/V0j2dyGwXK

— Amanda Kolson Hurley (@amandakhurley) October 29, 2024

(In related news, I bought something from Aliexpress last month and the experience was excellent. I'd forgotten what it was like for a webstore to actually try to be helpful instead of adversarial in making recommendations.)

In a shocking new decree, Taliban’s Minister of Virtue, Khalid Hanafi has banned Afghan women from allowing their voices to be heard by other women, even while praying or reciting Quranic verses. This ban prevents women from speaking at checkpoints, limiting female healthcare… pic.twitter.com/IfkSWntatj

— Afghanistan Times (@AfghanistanTime) October 26, 2024

(Only write-up I saw was the Telegraph, which noted the "precise details of the Taliban’s ruling are unclear")

Please sir, can you send Xiaomi car to California?? I live in totalitarian USA, where they put tariffs on the best cars because our so-called democracy has devolved into clientelistic graft for fat, lazy midwesterners who make bad cars that no one wants. https://t.co/H30Ma9dT4H

— Rachel🇮🇴 (@tolstoybb) October 28, 2024

("For First Time in 87 Years, Volkswagen May Close 3 Plants in Germany")

It's bad on Medium 😬

Medium's argument - that AI slop doesn't matter if people don't read it - would be a good point except that when I open their site I see 2/10 recommended articles that are obviously AI generated. https://t.co/aMhZaN8kXW

— Max Spero (@max_spero_) October 28, 2024

The Vatican has unveiled the official mascot of the Holy Year 2025: Luce (Italian for Light).

Archbishop Fisichella says the mascot was inspired by the Church's desire "to live even within the pop culture so beloved by our youth." pic.twitter.com/hVU2CmYA3O

— CatholicTV (@CatholicTV) October 28, 2024

3 months ago I came up with the idea for the Timothee Chalamet Lookalike Competition. Today I got hit with a $500 fine. Life is beautiful. pic.twitter.com/QYwyuedzr8

— Anthony Po (@anthpo) October 28, 2024

this was the greatest cultivation of events pic.twitter.com/LATniTzQ8k

— lo (@timchals) October 27, 2024

(Not fact-checking this)

Unrivaled, the startup 3v3 women's basketball league, has signed Aces guard Kate Martin.

The league, which is pushing to sign Caitlin Clark, just landed one of Clark's best friends and former Iowa teammates.

Story ⬇️

— Front Office Sports (@FOS) October 28, 2024

The Connecticut Sun have parted ways with head coach Stephanie White.

That means SEVEN of the WNBA's 12 franchises currently have head coaching vacancies.@colincsalao explores what's going on ⬇️

— Front Office Sports (@FOS) October 28, 2024

(Is the hope a bunch of top college coaches will flee the NIL-lifestyle?)

This is funny as hell bc these dudes look like terrible sculptures of Spo and Phil Jackson https://t.co/o0M155FVzD

— 👻🎃✨America Is Musty✨🎃👻 (@DragonflyJonez) October 28, 2024

When y’all both messy >>> 😭😭 https://t.co/D0Y1Fx5YkQ

— dr. alejandro (@iamtheFLYEST) October 28, 2024

The statue DWade was supposed to get vs the statue he got. pic.twitter.com/dmESrlLL1q

— David Grubb (@DMGrubb) October 28, 2024

Pickens from the top rope for good measure

💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/t0PvYsBT2G

— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) October 29, 2024

From today's column ($): The Jets have fielded the worst defense in football by EPA per play since firing Robert Saleh. https://t.co/KxdW13UApY pic.twitter.com/pCcatCbDhB

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) October 28, 2024

Famous images preceding disaster (TA 3019, colorized) pic.twitter.com/aXB7JtEL56

— Fr. Mike Palmer, CSC (@FrMikeCSC) October 28, 2024

THIS MAN SETH ROLLINS WAS FLABBERGASTED

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#DaBears pic.twitter.com/fFZWpPNDdW

— FADE (@FadeAwayMedia) October 28, 2024

I hate footballlllll. My god.

— Seth Rollins (@WWERollins) October 27, 2024

Lawson has apologised after he showed Perez the middle finger during the #MexicoGP 🗣️ pic.twitter.com/wZGxue4Op7

— Motorsport.com (@Motorsport) October 28, 2024

That’s a good ad. pic.twitter.com/8fWq5ztRZO

— Meg Graham (@megancgraham) October 26, 2024

Apple put the Magic Mouse’s charging port on the bottom again. Whyyyyyyyyyy??? https://t.co/MVaRfVBs3s

— Tom Warren (@tomwarren) October 28, 2024

it's still crazy that Hasbro got orson welles to play unicron
like imagine if Warner Bros got Martin Scorsese to play Man-Bat https://t.co/JQqSh1xxXk

— This Cat Is RD (@ThisCatIs2D) October 26, 2024

THE CORGIS WENT ROGUE pic.twitter.com/HOEWJnez1Q

— RG 📷 (@RyanGreeneDNVR) October 27, 2024

*More funny posts.