Today's news and jokes

A few Dodgers players had Yoshinobu Yamamoto sign their Yoshi bobbleheads today. pic.twitter.com/izbkfuU782

— Sonja Chen (@SonjaMChen) March 31, 2026

Many Dodger fans have lined up hours ahead of tonight’s game to secure the Yoshi bobblehead giveaway 🤯 pic.twitter.com/Pi0J5it9zW

— Dodgers Nation (@DodgersNation) March 31, 2026

Sun Day Red sold out of the Cosmic Blue Review Polo shirts that Tiger Woods was wearing in his mugshot.

Now prices are surging on secondary markets, with bids well over $300.

The shirts retailed for $125. pic.twitter.com/jriRujK5Oz

— cllct (@cllctMedia) March 31, 2026

For those of you playing along with the AI Bubble/Paramount-WBD merger home game, Big Daddy Oracle surprised 30,000 of its favorite employees this morning with pink slips in order to free up cash because their mounting debt and banks refusal to keep loaning to them: rollingout.com/2026/03/31/o...

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— C. Robert Cargill (@crobertcargill.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 2:02 PM

("The company’s stock price is down 25% this year")

GM idles Factory Zero again, lays off 1,300 EV workers for a month

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— Electrek (@electrek.co) March 31, 2026 at 8:42 AM

"ICE agents will be stationed outside graduation events for the nation’s newest Marines to identify whether any of their family members are undocumented, according to the Marine Corps." www.nbcnews.com/politics/nat...

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— Social Media Lab (@socialmedialab.ca) March 31, 2026 at 3:08 AM

This is blatant fake news.

ICE will NOT be making arrests at the basic training graduation in Parris Island. https://t.co/x6NCQGet1k

— U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (@ICEgov) March 31, 2026

(not "making arrests" "at the")

Iran attacked and set on fire a massive Kuwaiti oil tanker off Dubai overnight, as Gulf states increasingly suffer the fallout from the war. n.pr/3NRjRDC

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— NPR (@npr.org) March 31, 2026 at 5:26 AM

Exclusive: The United Arab Emirates wants to force the Strait of Hormuz open and is ready to join the fight https://t.co/80M2UI8Bq5

— The Wall Street Journal (@WSJ) April 1, 2026

In all seriousness, a US court blocking Trump's fantasy ballroom at the White House probably increases the likelihood of a US Marines landing on Iranian islands

— Alexander Clarkson (@aphclarkson.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 12:59 PM

he's getting very bored with the war and can't wait to get back to curtailing domestic rights pic.twitter.com/Vow9kgvZmS

— csz (@cszabla) March 31, 2026

Now France is denying airspace…

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— Matthew Gertz (@mattgertz.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 4:21 AM

(Iceland or Los Angeles?)

One of the lessons from Vietnam is that when they start bombarding you with numbers like these -- ordinance used, targets struck, so many killed and wounded -- there's more we're not being told.

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— Kevin M. Kruse (@kevinmkruse.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 6:57 AM

(The quote)

Baier: Kristi Noem is asking for privacy and prayers tonight. She is said to be devastated by reports alleging her husband has been leading a cross-dressing double life. pic.twitter.com/oDHjcYl1kc

— Acyn (@Acyn) March 31, 2026

Presumably coincidental someone leaked it so soon after she lost her job

What a beautiful thing. TMZ is how these people deserve to get covered. Not with the weepy piety of hill reporters who all have politicians in their profile pictures but sicko, unhinged papparazzi who believe in nothing. https://t.co/mTP9Qe2e3Z

— Daniel Boguslaw (@DRBoguslaw) March 31, 2026

Air Canada CEO to step down over failure to speak French https://t.co/r8StMENF0H

— Financial Times (@FT) March 30, 2026

("The airline said it would emphasize French fluency in its search for a successor")

This Willy Adams bobblehead is incredible.

And yes, the Powerade bobbles too.

pic.twitter.com/obaqBwbMRG

— cllct (@cllctMedia) March 28, 2026

Bananas galore in Orkney after store orders 38,000 by mistake https://t.co/D2Wc5vQDEX

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) March 30, 2026

(a number almost double the entire population of the islands...The surplus would normally have been returned to the mainland, but high winds and disruption to the ferry service meant this was not possible.)

this might be the singular funniest flip i have ever seen in motorsports pic.twitter.com/jARRNiUbwf

— june (@47benadryl) March 28, 2026

I'm sorry is that an eight 247sports.com/college/alab...

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— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL (@edsbs.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 9:21 AM

(Weighs 236)

someone go to this Madison Mallards game and get me one (1) captain’s hat please

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— Luke Knox (@lukeknox.me) March 18, 2026 at 4:54 PM

Canadian Humour in the Wild

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— Kliph Nesteroff (@classicshowbiz.bsky.social) March 18, 2026 at 5:53 AM

This is some amazing municipal signage (stolen from a friend elsewhere): You are absolutely forbidden from playing bocce on this lawn bowling court, but here are incredibly detailed driving instructions to a place where you can play bocce.

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— Jesse Sheidlower (@jessesword.com) March 19, 2026 at 6:10 AM

@joanacarval They never leave each other alone #babyandpuppy ♬ FANTASTIC MR FOX - amaramation

*More funny posts.