Today's news and jokes

ミネソタの小さい村で「第2回世界一まっすぐな枝コンテスト」が開催 主催は8歳10歳の姉弟で自分たちがトレイル中に「超まっすぐな枝」を見つけたのがきっかけ。1回目はラブラドールが2位。 ほのぼのニュースの極みだ！と、記事探したら予想の100倍まっすぐ枝がエントリーしててでこれはアツい。出たい https://t.co/tUTsL8OItZ

— 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙤 𝙉𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙢𝙪𝙧𝙖 (@Mak0Nakamura) October 26, 2026

"'straightest stick' contest brings smiles to Minnesota village"

Massive constitutional crisis brewing over Netanyahu’s refusal to accept the election results and his use of the Shin Bet for political purposes. Shin Bet Chief Zini (Netanyahu appointee) is demanding to question Arab party leaders in the foreign election funding case. Attorney-General Baharav-Miara just put out a statement that citizens, especially elected MKs, can only be questioned if there’s supporting evidence and Zini has prevented the Shin Bet from passing any evidence to her or the police for two days now. Eisenkot: “Likud and Netanyahu are trying to commit a pogrom of the democracy and the rule of law”

— Anshel Pfeffer אנשיל פפר (@AnshelPfeffer) November 3, 2026

A write-up

https://t.co/TiPxsTZMva

— Hector Becerra (@hbecerraLATimes) October 27, 2026

("paying at least $20,000 a month in security and maintenance, and last year calculated having spent more than $1 million to secure and maintain the building")

Insane story about how the Texas voucher program is giving people $10k in taxpayer dollars to spend on $50 worth of tuition, and then letting them spend the rest on state-approved vendors of "school supplies." Here is the waste, fraud and abuse. https://t.co/ovZtiu4u98

— Evan (@evan7257) November 2, 2026

Bill Murray is a Squawk Box super fan, so I'm not surprised that he was just hanging around the studio. He was at the show's 30th anniversary party last year, holding fort with Warren Buffett.

— Alex Weprin (@alexweprin) November 2, 2026

Full interview here: https://t.co/1PyuEQiKLf

— Sara Libby (@SaraLibby) October 30, 2026

They're building a 'sandlocked yacht club' in Joshua Tree — and it looks otherworldly https://t.co/jDGuo8ykm7

— Los Angeles Times (@latimes) October 29, 2026

plot twist (in the replies): the creator of this screensaver rescinded his license to roku after the sale of roku to fox corp. king shit

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— 〽️ax krieger: indie for hire! (check pinned!) (@maxkriegervg.bsky.social) November 2, 2026 at 10:41 PM

My initial guess was that Fox wanted to force people into using a screensaver they could sell ads on

Adam Green (Hatchet, Frozen) directed a hot air balloon horror movie titled THE ASCENT, but now he's explaining why the movie won't actually ever be released: https://t.co/uGzatKe6hq

— Bloody Disgusting (@BDisgusting) November 3, 2026

Make sure you swing by the 7-Eleven for some pumpkin brûlée (?) served up by Tom Hanks (??) to support our troops (???). https://t.co/QAr6vc1EYd

— Jesse Crall🕊 (@jessecrall) October 29, 2026

Coffee

WATCH: Multiple angles of the helicopter incident at the Seahawks/Bears game on Monday night. https://t.co/iWQw1KCbXW

— Scott (@EODWX5) November 3, 2026

NBC's Terry McAulay believes the Big 12, Big Ten and ACC airing command center replay reviews is forcing refs to favor "optics over outcomes." awfulannouncing.com/college-foot...

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— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing.bsky.social) November 3, 2026 at 12:15 PM

The cheerleaders head during the replay of Caleb celebrating 😂😂😂 https://t.co/hK7wSwzfts

— Jeremy (@jhoman29) November 3, 2026

Doing our best @ArtButSports impression 🖼️ https://t.co/d6QtyWzrlE

— Phoenix Suns (@Suns) November 3, 2026

Ty Jerome's wife on TikTok last night 🤣 https://t.co/wEnOCCVvse

— Drew Hill (@DrewHill_DM) November 3, 2026

Game went to overtime, and they lost

Lmao this is amazing. Luka is bleeding from the mouth bc he got smacked, hits a 3 pointer, then walks over to the ref to show him the blood but AR blocks his path bc he doesn't want him to get a second tech. Great teammate, Austin Reaves. https://t.co/p6KAignLKy

— Jason Gallagher (@jga41agher) November 3, 2026

jake is late for prayer so xandro extends it to him 🥹 https://t.co/UraQHsGeEE

— ☦︎ Lakers Yaoi 💜💛 (@lakers_yaoi) November 3, 2026

(The starters are going to get run into the ground, but the vibes are fun)

La verdad que es increíble 😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/RtlFKWvMMN

— Señor de los Medios 🕵🏻 (@MedF1osTV) November 2, 2026

Eevee used "Escalator"! 💥💫

It was super effective (somehow)! pic.twitter.com/vpHENDkUkP

— Gira Raffs 🦒🔥 I LOVE JADEN YUKI (@cgiraffs) September 20, 2026

WHAT 😭😭😭 https://t.co/rZhvv7FfTf pic.twitter.com/tbUwGBiLlq

— samtember pilled ✪ (@irlponta) September 21, 2026

Juilliard

I have one! Found at a thrift store. The zipper is a little razor. https://t.co/yyfkQnYhWD pic.twitter.com/V8ZrBbbzL1

— Offshore Oddities𓅣 (@offshoreoddity) September 21, 2026

Lunch thief alert! 🥬😂 Gibbon Aries had his eye on Baby Bean’s giant head of lettuce and apparently decided sharing was optional. Don’t worry, Bean’s keepers made sure she received her full diet. No anoa left hungry on our watch! 💚 📹: Animal care staff Katie https://t.co/5wrsRhsagG

— Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium (@PtDefianceZoo) November 3, 2026

This dog brought me his ball to play fetch while I was working in a crawl space https://t.co/xKHJTLZekz

— mustard (@MustardFren) October 24, 2026

@sheyvi1103

camino al trabajo encontré a la más consentida y con sus juguetitos para que no se aburra

♬ Curious Little Creatures - BlueWhaleMusic

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