Today's news and jokes

"Showed up at the coin toss without permission and then nearly bungled it" is one of the funniest reasons to get suspended, no question

— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) December 27, 2023

Jaire Alexander wasn’t announced by the Packers as a game captain, but he went out for the coin toss anyway. And called it. And won it. And almost messed it up.

Sounds like he just did it on his own.

“It’s only suiting. I don’t think coach knew I was from Charlotte.” pic.twitter.com/EVahq6QoOJ

— Matt Schneidman (@mattschneidman) December 24, 2023

Only thing close — not a suspension but Cam Newton being briefly benched in 2016 for not wearing a tie and Derek Anderson throwing a pick on the first play of the game https://t.co/h2UTJt3ShK

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) December 27, 2023

"The decision to suspend a player is never easy and not one we take lightly. Unfortunately, Jaire's actions prior to the game in Carolina led us to take this step"

I’m so sad Andre Braugher won’t ever guest star on Abbott Elementary as a retired Shakespearean college professor who thought subbing for 2nd grade would be easy and gets the surprise of his life pic.twitter.com/HSuhJiuPd0

— 📚Lydia M. Sigwarth📚 (@LibraryLydia) December 13, 2023

Hey @VitalVegas, look what I got this morning. That can’t be good. pic.twitter.com/bmssWqXhZV

— Chris Keeler (@c_keeler) December 26, 2023

Oh my god I had no idea guys also play the "is it fashion or is she just skinny" game https://t.co/q3FTMJkZF5

— Lilly (@lillybilly299) December 26, 2023

(Fun moment when I realized my default business casual outfit was pretty much Starfleet.)

How is this not a sign of good luck in a motel parking lot? pic.twitter.com/w5TTddBRIB

— Mike Breeze-uh-key 🆓 (@Mikeropod) December 9, 2023

Tell me more about the donkey wang, ezekiel

— GERA (@twitgera) December 9, 2023

The whole spicy thing

could you fight a chimp if air traffic control talked you through it

— flglmn (@flglmn) December 9, 2023

The 3 branches of science pic.twitter.com/w0bNEUNC9E

— Long Lab Cheese Man (also @parafilmm.bsky.social) (@ParafilmM) November 21, 2023

@theboheaux How many grandparents does it take to get one baby dressed 🫠 #toddlerlife #toddlersoftiktok #toddlergirl #relatablemomcontent #momlife #fyp ♬ Gucci Flip Flops - RAP/HIPHOP DAILY 💎

@401express his way or the highway #fyp ♬ La foule - Remastered - Édith Piaf

*More funny posts.