Paolini turned into a Dick Tracy villain

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Naomi Osaka's beribboned outfit today

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Naomi Osaka’s custom AMBUSH x Nike Tennis outfit was designed by Yoon and inspired by their shared Japanese heritage 🇯🇵🎾✨ @naomiosaka @YOON_AMBUSH https://t.co/inJZkxXRnf pic.twitter.com/6HZJdivwrG

— Nice Kicks (@nicekicks) August 27, 2024

The Osaka outfit. pic.twitter.com/OtWutDMIWw

— Tennis Panorama News (@TennisNewsTPN) August 27, 2024

Naomi Osaka keeps changing the game pic.twitter.com/yqVpVZlnI6

— Bastien Fachan (@BastienFachan) August 27, 2024

It was fun watching her disrobe in stages from the full getup to see which parts she'd actually play in:

Bowing to the Queen of Fashion, @naomiosaka 🎀 pic.twitter.com/7ngPZLOFdE

— US Open Tennis (@usopen) August 27, 2024

Naomi Osaka captures the first set over No. 10 seed Ostapenko! pic.twitter.com/0D67S6LNdB

— US Open Tennis (@usopen) August 27, 2024

Men's tennis number one player tested positive twice for an anabolic steroid, will forfeit $325,000, but won't be banned

The theory is someone using the banned substance was giving him a lot of massages, thereby passing on the banned substance "transdermally."

An independent panel held a hearing on Aug. 15 and "determined a finding of No Fault or Negligence applied in the case, resulting in no period of ineligibility," according to the ITIA.

...

He will, however, lose the $325,000 and 400 points that he had earned at the tournament in Indian Wells.

FWIW, a substack article from May:  

Over the past decade the drug has resurfaced in Italian football and across Italy’s wider sporting landscape. Between 2019 and 2023, 38 Italian athletes have tested positive for clostebol despite the fact it is scarcely produced in oral or injectable form by pharmaceutical companies

...

If an athlete handles the cream, even in applying it to another individual, then they can risk testing positive. This has been one of the common defences used in Clostebol cases.

...

It remains bewildering, however, that Italy’s athletes are missing the warning sign printed on clostebol creams and sprays in Italy, which clearly states that the product contains ‘doping’ substances.

Heavy water bottle fell and hit Djokovic in the head while he was greeting fans

The @InteBNLdItalia team showcases a video showing that the Djokovic case was ‘’an accident’. #Djokovic pic.twitter.com/IX6T4ihEVK

— Tennis Majors (@Tennis_Majors) May 10, 2024

Il y a quand même des enculés sur Terre...
Stay strong Novak 💪🔥#Djokovic #IBI24 #ATPRome pic.twitter.com/OLRWJYWfB7

— Martinho (@DelMartin0) May 10, 2024

Thank you for the messages of concern. This was an accident and I am fine resting at the hotel with an ice pack. See you all on Sunday. #IBI24

— Novak Djokovic (@DjokerNole) May 10, 2024

Photos of tennis players and their shadows (plus frolicking in a room full of giant skulls)

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Also, not photoshopped:

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Russian tennis player arrested in Paris for alleged match-fixing

Guardian:

The arrest relates to last year’s tournament when bookmakers issued alerts for abnormal betting patterns during [her] first-round women’s doubles match . . . .

During that encounter, hundreds of thousands of euros were reportedly wagered on a break of serve at 2-2 in set two. [She] was culpable for three of the points conceded during her service game, including two double faults as she lost her serve to love.

Brett Favre says he will repay the "$1.1 million in welfare money that he received for multiple speeches where he did not show up"

AP:

In an audit, White said his employees identified $94 million in questionable spending by the agency, including payments for sports activities with no clear connection to helping needy people in one of the poorest states of the U.S.

The audit was released months after a former Human Services director and five other people were indicted on state charges of embezzling about $4 million. They have pleaded not guilty and are awaiting trial in what White has called one of Mississippi’s largest public corruption cases in decades.

In other famous athlete news:

Undaunted, ATP #1 Novak Djokovic continues to give his big platform over to some truly nutty pseudoscience blabber.

Not as potentially dangerous as being anti-vaccines, but NO, you cannot change the molecular structure of water with your emotions, ffs.pic.twitter.com/BHzjOLe4r9

— Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) May 7, 2020

And here’s the part where Djokovic’s channel turns into an overt snake oil sales pitch for this guy’s magic potion (which tastes great with coffee!). pic.twitter.com/n7mTNoKxhZ

— Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) May 7, 2020

Class struggle at the Australian Open

So this is the moment where Elliot Benchetrit asks the ballkid to peel his banana. I’m glad the umpire (John Blom) stepped in and told him off. pic.twitter.com/TK1GET68pG

— Alex Theodoridis (@AlexTheodorid1s) January 19, 2020

So Benchetrit wrote on Twitter that #Bananagate is only a 10-second video and that it doesn’t show the whole situation.

Well, below is the entire sequence (33 sec) which shows exactly what happened. The blaming-social-media-card is not gonna work... https://t.co/RGmIJYz2cE

— Alex Theodoridis (@AlexTheodorid1s) January 20, 2020

And more tennis news:

Did you see what he looked like walking onto court? pic.twitter.com/YQIlbU0NYD

— Lisa Nham (@lisa_nham) January 20, 2020

Ten funny tweets

Ruuxa, a cheetah, and Raina, a Rhodesian Ridgeback, have been together at San Diego Zoo since 2014.

When Ruuxa had surgery, Raina cried until she was allowed in to snuggle with her BFF.https://t.co/B0FYaMCs0U pic.twitter.com/hUU7uB8yZe

— Erin (@erinruberry) July 2, 2019

THERE ARE CLEARLY TWO pic.twitter.com/Gtbok0GJvp

— Katie Tiedrich (@katietiedrich) July 13, 2019

Ppl want to storm #Area51 but can't control the neighborhood kids with Roman candles attached to they drones pic.twitter.com/vU0f0HiYLH

— John (@_John_83) July 12, 2019

Update: A month and a half in this poster still makes me laugh every day. IT’S NOT ABOUT WHALES. pic.twitter.com/cL8J59mBaE

— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) July 12, 2019

My Maya timeline when I'm looking for that perfect idle pose pic.twitter.com/BwTm9GRYhw

— Darren R 😨😱😵💀👻 (@Doom_Squid) July 12, 2019

- “What The Pitta”.
- Sorry?
- “What The Pitta”.
- Okay. How does that work?
- Well, it’s a play on words.
- What’s it a play on?
- “What The Fuck”?
- I’m not sure that’s what a play on words is.
- Well, What would you call it?
- I don’t know. “I Pitta The Fool”?
- What? pic.twitter.com/9eR9Hs77zQ

— rufus jones (@rufusjones1) July 12, 2019

today is the anniversary that colonel sanders shot a guy to become the king of kentucky gas station chicken pic.twitter.com/5okeOMmhFr

— rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) July 11, 2019

When you call in sick because you're not missing a Federer & Nadal semifinal pic.twitter.com/FtvmonfqTy

— Paid man gets bored (@cjzero) July 12, 2019

ESCAPE ARTIST: A shellfish caught by a Japanese fisherman wasn’t quite what they expected. https://t.co/471dDTB801 pic.twitter.com/X2dYYTb06e

— ABC News (@ABC) July 12, 2019

I've never been more invested in a random internet cat succeeding pic.twitter.com/hB1fxtzZOO

— Jen Gentleman 🌺 (@JenMsft) July 10, 2019

*More funny posts.

Nike's French Open looks feature bees and skeletons

Rose Byrne locked in at the Australian Open

This is one point and this woman is riding the roller coaster pic.twitter.com/uq7SMV0BMG

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) January 27, 2019

Ten funny tweets

An English manor mystery but everyone staying in the house is a scientist and you have to figure out who was the reviewer who rejected your paper

— Caroline Bartman (@Caroline_Bartma) September 7, 2018

From Walmart: pic.twitter.com/tZ07oD98te

— Tianyu M. Fang (@tianyuf) September 8, 2018

I knew I was gay when I was at a girl's sleepover aged 8, and one of the girls asked me who my celebrity crush was, and I genuinely couldn't think of a man so panicked and said Andrew Lloyd Webber.

— 🌻🌻 (@crystal_queer1) September 8, 2018

This video is even better if you imagine it's being filmed by a mouse with an iPhone. pic.twitter.com/ub56xGRWEr

— cluedont (@cluedont) September 9, 2018

Just lied four times to my massage therapist.

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) September 8, 2018

FIRST LOOK: Up close of @CameronNewton’s pregame Under Armour cleats for game against Dallas today. pic.twitter.com/O68yeixosP

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 9, 2018

Congrats to Naomi Osaka! I can’t stop laughing at this though #USOpen pic.twitter.com/Kl3HuMbTJY

— surfer808 (@mssurfer808) September 8, 2018

The pettiest thing Elizabeth I ever did in a life completely devoted to pettiness was to take a set of pearls from Mary Queen of Scots after having her beheaded, and then claiming she was wearing them to “honour” her cousin pic.twitter.com/xYNZNd7Znn

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 11, 2018

I fucking love toast, what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like "cook it again", unreal

— Josh (@LoserCrew) September 10, 2018

My son had to take our cat to the vet and was too embarrassed to say the cat's name was Pablo Purrcasso and he just said the cat's name was Greg.

— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) June 25, 2018

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That’s me standing on top of a taxi cab! This pic is from the Audi commercial shoot and a scene that didn’t make it into the cut. Some fun facts: I climbed up onto the roof of that taxi while holding that heavy box, AND wearing high heels, dozens and dozens of times during one of the shoot days. I was complimented all day about how badass I looked while doing it (awesome), but the voice in my head every single time I did it was, “Please don’t die.” (For real.) I’m wearing pants one size too big the entire commercial to accomplish said stunt. The stunt man in the lower corner of this picture played the bear in The Revenant. True story. This commercial shoot was one of my favorite work experiences in recent memory. I absolutely adored this crew, and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to play Anna in such an epic and fun commercial. On top of the professional experience, it’s fun when your work is so visible that it connects you to friends near and far, and some from long, long ago. What a lovely gift. Thank you to everyone who reached out with kind words. Your support is so appreciated. I think this commercial’s run is over (for now) so if I am wrong and you see it, let me know! . . . #audi #promoteyourself #commercial #taxicab #fbf #bts #commercialactress #tvactress #filmactress #actorlife #jennikolaisen #wearingheelshouldbeconsideredstuntwork

A post shared by Jen Nikolaisen (@jen_nik) on Sep 10, 2018 at 11:16am PDT

Ten funny tweets

Either the service was great or you’re white and you just can’t help but ring that gosh darn bell pic.twitter.com/Dhx4vBdkVE

— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) September 6, 2018

This menu has a section for "Instagram" which I guess is where we've been headed all along pic.twitter.com/xY2L7bZm21

— Meghan McCarron (@megmccarron) September 5, 2018

Design is everywhere pic.twitter.com/AOPUbjnCWm

— Ben Brignell (@benbrignell) September 5, 2018

Kei Nishikori is playing today so I have to post his ridiculous racket trick from the 2014 US Open again pic.twitter.com/bCTQTD9Hhn

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) September 5, 2018

Walking Luna & just got hollered at in a very affirming way by a guy who goes “DAMN girl bet you’re out here workin HARD to keep a house big enough to put that big ass DOG in!!” Sir honestly yes

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) September 6, 2018

feast your eyes upon this hed/dek/lead image ok https://t.co/WF7yN3W7EB pic.twitter.com/Oxy4nd73UQ

— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) September 6, 2018

JUST HAD A JOB INTERVIEW AT WALMART AND THEY SHOWED ME A VIDEO OF ME SHOPLIFTING 😭

— ‏ً (@CHRISGUSTlNG) September 5, 2018

in Canada, Duck Duck Goose is called Goose Goose Moose. I will not be reading the comments on this tweet.

— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) September 6, 2018

Of all the unique survival skills God gave to man, one of the greatest is when you’re daydreaming and your girl says “are you even listening?” and you can recite their whole last sentence verbatim somehow.

— David Acuff (@DavidAcuff) September 7, 2018

Joseph: *puts baby Jesus in his front pack baby carrier* Glory to God! A Savior is bjorned!

Mary: Shut up

— Das Skoogeth (@Skoogeth) September 5, 2018

Ten funny tweets

One of the ballboys on my court today had his fly unzipped. Every time he gave me balls to serve I couldn’t help staring at it 😳😂 #wimbledon

— Genie Bouchard (@geniebouchard) July 3, 2018

Overheard in the French Quarter: “My big fear with becoming a zombie is all the walking.”

— Nalo Hopkinson (@Nalo_Hopkinson) July 2, 2018

Dancers of the Bolshoi ballet following yesterday’s football match backstage during a performance of Raymonda

Photo via Bruna Gaglianone pic.twitter.com/icf2QMyTJL

— Varia 🎪 (@variainayurt) July 2, 2018

the world: [at the edge of apocalypse]

me: [oblivious, headphones on] pic.twitter.com/6YwYotstzG

— 𝕖𝕝𝕧 (@_ElvishPresley_) June 29, 2018

I got an email from FreshDirect today that started "Dear Valued Customer" and I really think this is what all people should call each other in capitalist society, like the capitalist version of "comrade".

— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) June 30, 2018

I saw this anthropomorphized oil can (?) holding a fistful of cash (?) on top of a recycling center in L.A. today, and I think it’s going to haunt my dreams pic.twitter.com/f63MJ7llmY

— Laura J. Nelson 🦅 (@laura_nelson) July 2, 2018

Neymar keeps rolling rolling rolling rolling #WorldCup2018
(shoutout to @OMGItzJR for sending me the clip) pic.twitter.com/k7LuRW9JUj

— Ray Rod (@rayrod747) June 29, 2018

Update my mom has decided that my peanut butter intake is too high so she has hidden all the peanut butter. Little does she know I went to the store and bought more and while I was hiding it I found the other hidden container. Double peanut butter. Game on Amy.

— Gabrielle Basinski (@yoogabbagabba13) June 30, 2018

Seven years ago this week, @USATODAY gave us the best newspaper graphic of all time. It will never stop being funny. pic.twitter.com/ojcUZgtEAl

— Brett Kelman (@BrettKelman) July 2, 2018

#dailydooku pic.twitter.com/isrh4xlkYl

— Brandon Bird (@Brandon_Bird) July 3, 2018

The world's #1 tennis player, Simona Halep, is currently competing without a clothing sponsor

Reuters:

In a thoroughly modern sourcing arrangement, Halep found a Chinese company on the Internet to make her an outfit and they produced one within 24 hours after she sent them a picture of what she wanted.

She wore the red dress to victory at this month’s Shenzhen Open and will wear it again at Melbourne Park.

Tennis court in a church

AFP Photo 📷 Miguel Medina - People play tennis on the US artist Asad Raza's new piece of art, a tennis court, called "untitled (plot for dialogue)", inside the San Paolo Converso church, in Milan, which hosts the architect office of CLS Architetti company. #AsadRaza #Art #milan #artlovers #tennis #tenniscourt

A post shared by AFP Photo (@afpphoto) on Nov 21, 2017 at 11:31am PST

"The Tennis Integrity Unit has confirmed it is investigating Sunday’s ATP Tour match between Alexandr Dolgopolov and Thiago Monteiro"

TG:

Brazilian Monteiro, who is ranked 114 in the world, took only 55 minutes to win the first round match at the Winston-Salem Open 6-3, 6-3 in a match that saw Dolgopolov fail to create a single break point. In the hours leading up to the match, large amounts of money had been placed on Monteiro that resulted in a dramatic shift in the available odds.

See also: How To Fix a Tennis Match

"Suspicious betting patterns have raised concerns that three matches in this year’s Wimbledon tournament may have been fixed"

"The news about Wimbledon was released in the integrity unit’s quarterly briefing report, which mentioned a total of 53 matches, including one at the French Open."

"Scotland Yard is investigating allegations that a female tennis player was deliberately poisoned while competing at last month’s Wimbledon Championships"

"One theory being explored is that Miss Taylor may have been targeted by an organised crime betting syndicate."

Monica Seles is a romance novelist now

You can buy The Academy: Game On at Amazon:

The Academy is an International Sports Mecca for teen athletes. There are only two ways in. Deep pockets or enough talent to score a scholarship.

Young tennis star Maya's dreams have finally come true when she earns a scholarship to The Academy. Plucked from her small town, Maya moves to the sports training facility/boarding school to (hopefully) start the beginning of her pro career. But Maya's fantasy of The Academy doesn't quite match the reality. Because where there are hot, talented teens, there's a lot of drama. Meet the players: 

Nicole: A tennis star who feels threatened by Maya (but she'd never admit it).
Cleo: Maya's rebel/punk roommate who is nearing the top of the golf world.
Renee: The gorgeous swimmer with enough money to buy her way into The Academy.
Travis: The son of The Academy owner--perfectly groomed to be the next NFL star.
Jake: Travis' younger brother--the bad boy to his brother's good.

(Bolding from the official description.)  Via.