Ten funny tweets

I am the author behind this now viral tweet. I own my mistake, and now I rock it. #largeboulder https://t.co/hvHb8JX0ij

— Susan Lilly (@susanlilly) January 28, 2020

I regret to inform you that Mike Bloomberg attempted to shake a dog’s mouth. pic.twitter.com/hKsagJ4xAf

— Christopher J. Hale (@chrisjollyhale) January 28, 2020

we need more Dort license plates in the gift shop, I repeat we are sold out of Dort license plates pic.twitter.com/4p2HKB1QCr

— Tobi Wilson #1 Fan Account, not affiliated w/ tobi (@tobiwilson56) January 30, 2020

This is... insane? I have no idea what any of this means.

Is this what Settlers of Catan is? https://t.co/qe2kLTWFcB

— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) January 30, 2020

Teach a man to fish, and you condemn him to a notoriously precarious living whose material base is undergoing ecological collapse.

— Jedediah Britton-Purdy (@JedediahSPurdy) January 30, 2020

I can't name a single Renaissance artist who isn't also a ninja turtle

— qntm (@qntm) January 30, 2020

just found this instagram account that’s a kid who calls himself the Shirley Temple King and goes to restaurants and gives brutally honest reviews of their shirley temples. it’s so pure and I love him so muchhttps://t.co/5UqM1wJbDk pic.twitter.com/mlSQzgtnjz

— Shay Spence (@chezspence) January 28, 2020

Whenever I see someone on one of these, I like to imagine they started out with a much larger vehicle and their journey has been riddled with mishaps. pic.twitter.com/GcAhhONDHY

— Tom Burgess (@Tomb_Urges) January 30, 2020

why worry about today when you can worry about the past present and future simultaneously like a nervous god

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 28, 2020

Let me tell you about my best friend pic.twitter.com/CqPoyGFrZ3

— viralvideos (@BestVideosviral) January 27, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

just found out there was a 6th century frankish princess named ultragotha and i just can’t get over her name

— the waifu of bath (@kriemhildsrache) August 15, 2018

no one has had their vision for a birthday party more fully realized than when I insisted on a batman that does magic. pic.twitter.com/y9oSEJs3nh

— Churlish (@Cryptoterra) August 20, 2018

I really hope the Tesla board doesn’t force out Elon Musk because that it 100% how we get a Green Goblin scenario

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) August 20, 2018

The judge said he didn't have hard feelings towards the media for arguing for access. "A thirsty press is essential to a free country."

— Zoe Tillman (@ZoeTillman) August 17, 2018

this country used to have class pic.twitter.com/Au3IOOGMMk

— Arthur Dayne (@ArthurDayne1) August 19, 2018

New trash can is totally fingerprint proof, check it out. pic.twitter.com/NlliGVZLDT

— Jeff Ball (@jeffthatnoise) August 18, 2018

In my fantasy I’m a princess locked away in a tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon. But wait, there’s no prince coming to my rescue, it’s just me and my dragon BFF eating the villagers’ barbecued livestock and figuring out new ways to look unapproachable.

— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) August 16, 2018

Another story about Jamarcus Russell w/ the Raiders Kirk Morrison told was when Russell was supposed to do some rookie talent show for the team instead of participating, he walked up to the front of the meeting room w/ a book bag full of 💵 and made it rain on his teammates

— The Anonymous Nobody (@el_budget) August 21, 2018

My heart goes out 2 @PostMalone/ his entourage as their tires blew on takeoff. I'm about 2 takeoff on my plane 2 Boise, sending thoughts/prayers to #PostMalone & his crew 4 a safe landing. They need 2 dump fuel & lighten the load. Pilots will try to reduce fuel risk on landing. pic.twitter.com/VgAdvvri0a

— Bret Michaels (@bretmichaels) August 21, 2018