Today's news and jokes

Apple and Nike used to advertise on this website pic.twitter.com/33CZiTKpm0

— Hats fan account (@bluenilehatsfan) August 24, 2024

Do you like horse racing?
Do you like horses?
Do you like hermit crabs?
Have you bet on the hermit crab race yet?

Join the hermit crab race at JUNGLEbet!

🔞18+ BeGambleAware
T&Cs and Bet Limits Apply pic.twitter.com/XHBJqnM6ss

— JUNGLEbet - Jungle it (@jungleit_uk) August 19, 2024

Have you ever thought about the marine debris problem?

At JUNGLE, a portion of your bet goes towards funding beach clean-up activities to remove the trash that washes ashore.

Thank you always!

🔞18+ BeGambleAware
T&Cs and Bet Limits Apply#sportsbets #crabderby pic.twitter.com/KrMWxYzi9x

— JUNGLEbet - Jungle it (@jungleit_uk) August 23, 2024

NPR: Trump campaign staff "verbally abused and pushed" an Arlington National Cemetery official who tried to prevent them from filming and photographing at the burial site https://t.co/bL9nRMx9sV

— Geoff Bennett (@GeoffRBennett) August 27, 2024

Whatever you think is the maximum possible way a spokesperson can escalate things with a statement, the Trump campaign spokesperson’s statement in this story escalates things harder than that https://t.co/uGWuwNcT0B

— Tom Gara (@tomgara) August 27, 2024

(This story, too.) (And this one.)

Update - Wisconsin Elections Commission voted 5-1 RFK Jr. must stay on the ballot, meaning Kennedy can’t remove himself from a majority of the 7 battleground swing states where he says he’d hurt Trump’s chances.https://t.co/edDgzESOlJ https://t.co/eb7bE42WBu

— stephen fowler (@stphnfwlr) August 27, 2024

This example from @TheEconomist's latest article on crypto mining in Texas is crazy. pic.twitter.com/OrC1qbTUCX

— Michael Thomas (@curious_founder) August 27, 2024

Source

replacing a newspaper with a casino feels like an apt representation of the state of things in america https://t.co/VwkbvE3p3g

— gavin ivanovich (@gmoult) August 27, 2024

Oh so that's why he used ai for the trailer https://t.co/sG02Xm0Zzv

— zaratustra (parody account) 🍉 (@zarawesome) August 27, 2024

Do you know someone who lives a lavish lifestyle, but doesn’t have a job?

Your intelligence is vital in helping us put those who think they’re 'untouchable' before the courts.

Find out how here-https://t.co/tpMYJkgdUP pic.twitter.com/GMcezBzapI

— South Yorkshire Police (@syptweet) August 24, 2024

People reporting the royal family to the police for living suspiciously lavish lives without a job or any work to show for it is exactly what I needed to hear today!😂🤣😂😅🤣🙊🤭😂😂🤣😅🤣😂😅🥲🤣😂😅🤭🙊🥲🤣🤣😂👏👏👏👏#Grifters#AbolishTheMonarchy pic.twitter.com/wjuF9rRp3t

— Zandi Sussex (@ZandiSussex) August 28, 2024

(second article is from something called The London Economic)

It's important to pay all workers but above all you should pay workers in the nuclear plant https://t.co/0Cn5oZospx

— Eli Friedman (@EliDFriedman) August 27, 2024

Comcast Xfinity with the first fumble of the Big Ten season. Oregon, Washington, USC, and UCLA games are currently blacked out.

Will it resolve the "territorial" issue before the weekend?

Details here: https://t.co/d2TMX3zc14 pic.twitter.com/NVwlKluS12

— John Canzano (@johncanzanobft) August 27, 2024

This is the funniest joke I've ever made about Emet-Selch and I forgot I made it pic.twitter.com/FBn9fyo5R2

— Zaki Fairer-Comms Open! (@ZFairer) July 26, 2024

many such cases pic.twitter.com/vbaNx5LoCU

— ⚰️ (@apparitionnow) July 26, 2024

Me in nature museum dates with my boy pic.twitter.com/Rkq0D7ZwNo

— 𝑺𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖍⚜️ (@Sarusquilla_) July 27, 2024

@the_world_of_chinese

♬ VIBE CHECK

@raegoobs #vettok #vetmed #dog #funny ♬ original sound - goobs🍉

@rogertheweeniedog Roger likes to play dead when its time to leave his grandparent’s house #dachshund #dachshundsoftiktok #wienerdog #dog #dramatic ♬ original sound - wowzers.

*More funny posts.