Today's news and jokes

i know their PR team told them to sit in front of an innocuous normal-person looking wall, but unfortunately for them i have also watched their architectural digest house tour and know exactly where this was filmed pic.twitter.com/KPkEMOltWI

— matt (@mattxiv) September 10, 2023

Personalized Jeopardy game based on family gossip; Adversarial gift wrapping; Tic-Tac-Toe x Wind Sprints

@glutenfreeinnewyork Xmas eve roast #christmas #familygames #marcoisland ♬ Succession Main Theme (From "" Succession"") - Geek Music

Today's funny posts

"We did everything we could." An ambulance crew in Hyogo returned a man with a broken leg to the scene of a traffic accident and left him there because he tested positive for coronavirus https://t.co/drQE52CcA5

— Tokyotronic (@robotopia) August 14, 2022

Mysterious technology washes up on the beach; Turning a Rubik's Cube into a party invitation; Ancient temple on a farm

A SOSUS sensor washed up on the beach of Husavik Iceland. #Submarines pic.twitter.com/9mbqcuk1RM

— Eric Moreno (@KingNeptune767) May 21, 2022

Wikipedia.

Gift exchange based on things stolen from grandma's house; Impossible gift wrapping; Wholesome party games

@basedkase

2 years worth of stolen items and she had no idea #aeholidayforever #ffxmasswitch #candycrushallstars #GEICOGiveHappy

♬ Pennies from Heaven - Louis Prima

Stupid human games

From a much, much longer thread:

sound design is key here pic.twitter.com/fE7UdjIahm

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

the person shooting the video also has to catch these sneaky moments too!! extra dangerous 😎 pic.twitter.com/knLjFPE5Wp

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

The boys!!! pic.twitter.com/C6fyDhuPT7

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

this is actually a push your luck game pic.twitter.com/FqiBVi2igg

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

“You know the rules, if you miss a swing you gotta leave that friend behind” it’s actually true we do all know the rules, but no one taught us pic.twitter.com/fvengFvd0c

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

last one is spot on pic.twitter.com/O3iOpMQzrp

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

when the game comes to you, you must play pic.twitter.com/Hi7fMyaf00

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

speed running but a piano pic.twitter.com/WIg3Auqica

— Danny Hawk (@HawkDanny) October 7, 2021

Parent asks Reddit for help after her five-year-old daughter asks for a worm theme for her birthday

The top result:

What a cool kid! I’m a (sea) worm taxonomist. I can’t guarantee I’ll be available, but if you’d be interested in having a little zoom or recorded presentation about worm science at the party, feel free to send me a message!

...

Oh, you would totally not have to pay me. I’d be delighted. Plus, I’ve never talked to kids about worms before, so I can’t guarantee it would be worth any money!

Which led to responses from others like this:

I would attend this! And so would my husband. He’s a scientist although in a totally unrelated field - he researches blood clotting disorders.

Some ideas:

Pin the Worm on the Apple is my thought.

...

Do dirt cup cupcakes with gummy worms, pink streamers, spaghetti in a bowl as a “touch the worms” game. 

...

Worm obstacle course: have the kids inch, wiggle, crawl and roll like a worm would through a course.

She finally got her Batman-themed birthday party

 From a longer thread:

When I was a little girl in the 90s, I wanted a Batman birthday party, but I was told that "Batman was for boys." Growing up, I always joked that someday I'd get that Batman birthday party when I turned 32 (my favorite number). I gave up on that idea, but my boyfriend didn't. pic.twitter.com/b8FlZcTVeU

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

He had made an entire BATMAN THEMED CARNIVAL. They had the soundtrack playing and we had Pin the Nipples on the Batman (which we crushed, obviously) and Bane's Beer Pong Blitz! pic.twitter.com/VLBZgMNWOn

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

He had hidden riddles ALL OVER THE HOUSE. It was so much fun to see people looking around, turning things over and trying to solve these riddles. pic.twitter.com/7hG677wLJC

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

The hunt ended with golden tickets hidden in the mailbox. My friend @somanyknives was the first to solve all the riddles! Finalists competed in a Riddle Bee and Tal won the grand prize! pic.twitter.com/TSiY9lkRhp

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

After that, we played a game of charades where we drew keys to Arkham Asylum out of a bowl and had to act out Batman's rogues gallery. pic.twitter.com/V747l0Q8R8

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

He seriously went all out. He 3D printed different kinds of Batarangs. Even Nightwing ones! It was seriously so much fun! pic.twitter.com/0TBs8DPXb3

— Sparky Mularkey 🐢 (@SparkyMularkey) May 31, 2021

Ten funny tweets

pic.twitter.com/Go9QMyjWYG

— No Context Russia (@Russia_NC) February 19, 2020

Also coming to Quibi, a scripted comedy: "Flipped: A chronically underemployed couple strive to become TV’s next great home-renovation show duo.... their plans are waylaid somewhat when members of a drug cartel kidnap the pair and force them to renovate their massive houses"

— Tom Gara (@tomgara) February 19, 2020

@UniWatch Sponsorship cue cards for the Daytona 500 winner pic.twitter.com/NltPaQvxs1

— chrisfitzgerald (@chrisfitzgerald) February 18, 2020

My niece really just had her 8th birthday at Target lol! She’s obsessed 😂 pic.twitter.com/NGJz7xB3JG

— Rik (@RikDrip) February 16, 2020

This little girl loves Target so much her family threw an epic eighth birthday bash at the store — complete with uniforms, name tags and a scavenger hunt. 🎯 https://t.co/E2JLUBQOaR pic.twitter.com/KQWZhRO0ey

— CBS News (@CBSNews) February 18, 2020

Y’all want to see a dead body? #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/4wbGnECDfq

— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) February 20, 2020

.@ewarren annihilates Bloomberg over his NDAs for his own sexist comments #DemDebate #PresidentWarren pic.twitter.com/uYWibBpG3I

— Alexis Goldstein 🏳️‍🌈 (@alexisgoldstein) February 20, 2020

See this is the Warren we love. The Elizabeth 'I have a golden retriever' Warren is much less appealing than the Elizabeth "I routinely murder banker-thieves" Warren.

— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) February 20, 2020

Bloomberg paid half a billion dollars for this

— Liam Stack (@liamstack) February 20, 2020

New game show: I dress up as the Devil and jump out at people on the street in Brooklyn asking them how much money they would need to publicly support Mike Bloomberg's campaign.

— James Palmer (@BeijingPalmer) February 19, 2020

the Nevada caucus app reporting instructions do NOT inspire confidence! https://t.co/Xb05JcGchh pic.twitter.com/s0E6Lm0Bzz

— Charlie Warzel (@cwarzel) February 19, 2020

Which angry elderly New Yorker is your favorite for president?

— Zach Weinersmith (@ZachWeiner) February 19, 2020

On the subway ride home from the vet, my dog had his first showtime experience. He was a bit intoxicated. And he was utterly transfixed pic.twitter.com/nFv93atYGz

— Chris McDaniel (@csmcdaniel) February 20, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten more funny tweets

And motherfuckers act like they forgot about Dry pic.twitter.com/Dsdnq2KFP6

— Jack Hurley (@loudribs) August 29, 2019

Early flop of the year candidate pic.twitter.com/mMAYW17hXX

— Paid man gets bored (@cjzero) August 30, 2019

have you ever considered how buff this weasel is in this Leonardo’s painting pic.twitter.com/QmhOMvmDLe

— a real woman (@Senjachan1) August 29, 2019

When I retweet and they immediately delete it pic.twitter.com/8Cb67mkGOa

— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) August 29, 2019

This is Archie. He hates everything. 😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/bv4wlKFmXq

— Emily Maloney (@emilyfmaloney) August 29, 2019

Oh no.. I've made a big mistake...

He hopped into the bath pan and then froze like this for a full two minutes, shocked and unsure what to do before clamboring out.#babyvulture pic.twitter.com/wVbzFgaCcu

— Foxfeather Zenkova (@foxfeather) August 29, 2019

Can we talk about the craftsmanship of the seven dwarves? That glass case is an incredible bit of manufacturing for a group who can’t use soap properly. pic.twitter.com/p9OzkAL1A7

— johnnyB (@agraphafx) August 29, 2019

several years ago I threw my sister an engagement party and I wanted to make it special pic.twitter.com/a1zZHRy88R

— Chris Fleming (@chrisfluming) August 29, 2019

Mindhunter thank you for this representation of sane, on-time people pic.twitter.com/GhpDIDvLx7

— Jacob Oller (@JacobOller) August 28, 2019

please praise my dog he wants validation it took him ages to learn this pic.twitter.com/nXRiLDs6K3

— 𝓷𝓲𝓪𝓿 (@nocontextcrew) August 27, 2019

*More funny posts.

"So my family plays White Elephant with a twist: you have to challenge someone to a mini game if you want to steal their gift"

So my family plays White Elephant with a twist: you have to challenge someone to a mini game if you want to steal their gift... With a huge family it gets out of hand pretty quick.
A thread of our games: pic.twitter.com/JEVFQiyThg

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

Thread a bunch of mini donuts on a string for a donut eating contest (no hands) lol it’s better if they’re powdered cuz then it gets messy AF pic.twitter.com/cKmI99XIJw

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 26, 2018

Digging two years ago now: removing the notecards to perfectly stack all four cups (I didn’t win 😭) pic.twitter.com/tG3N0JEawH

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 26, 2018

And this moment was clutch AF pic.twitter.com/vHHPzmZ04x

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 26, 2018

Thread a spaghetti noodle through a soda can too and carry it across the room with no hands pic.twitter.com/EidkcJeTgH

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

Start with an Oreo on your forehead and then wiggle it down to your mouth without using your hands (I’ve lost his one SEVERAL YEARS and it makes me soooo salty and I always get crumbs in my eyes lol) pic.twitter.com/cvcvD3CtrA

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

Fanning a ping pong ball into a bucket across the room pic.twitter.com/DARLyEVe1P

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

Also from last year: knocking over a row of cups with a stocking on ur head (I think there’s a tennis ball at the end of the stocking too) pic.twitter.com/lmSkXVazxH

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

My stepdad losing a fruit by the foot eating challenge pic.twitter.com/d64sNftL8F

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

One ball per cup using a tape measure lol pic.twitter.com/b93tR44cLx

— Adrienne Young (@Adriyoung) December 25, 2018

Invite and decorations for a conspiracy-themed party.