Today's news and jokes

Intrigued by the inclusion of $1,200 "wound closure" strips in the 2024 Allure Best of Beauty roundup. No explanation pic.twitter.com/vvf51sGGFV

— Kim O'Connor (@shallowbrigade) September 27, 2024

(All the winners.)("Made from 99.9% pure medical-grade silk fibroin")

THE WIND OUTSIDE WAS SO BAD

STONE COLD COULDN’T DRINK HIS BEER 😂

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/FLQ0kg0Wpx

— FADE (@FadeAwayMedia) September 26, 2024

VIDEO: I met two @GeorgiaFootball fans that were not going to let flood waters get in the way of watching the biggest college football game of the season between #2 Georgia and #4 Alabama. #godawgs #CollegeFootball pic.twitter.com/e6P2cgEVTY

— Alison Mastrangelo (@AlisonWSB) September 27, 2024

Climate change disrupting major college football games is what's going to lead to climate engineering.

Follow for the very latest political news!

He ultimately agreed with advisers that mounting an invasion of a longstanding Nato ally would be ‘nuts’

Story: https://t.co/VFCI53M6q9

— Politics UK (@PolitlcsUK) September 27, 2024

(Didn't California have to take action to prevent the Trump White House from stealing emergency supplies during the pandemic?)

None of these people are related to the candidate in a tight Virginia house race, Derrick Anderson. pic.twitter.com/1TAaOftxa1

— Annie Karni (@anniekarni) September 27, 2024

("But the people are not relatives. They are the wife and children of a longtime friend. Mr. Anderson, who announced this month that he was engaged, does not have any children of his own. His campaign website says he lives with his dog and does not display any of the photos.")

SCOOP: Ingrid Lewis-Martin, Mayor Adams' chief adviser and longtime political confidante, had her Brooklyn home raided and cellphones seized by federal *and* state authorities on Friday.

Story coming shortly via @NYDailyNews w/ @molcranenewman & @graham_rayman

— Chris Sommerfeldt (@C_Sommerfeldt) September 27, 2024

Wow.

Today while proclaiming his innocence, @NYCMayor Eric Adams was flanked by Al Cockfield—a pastor we investigated for allegedly pushing the city to clear *another* safety violation on behalf of a *another* Adams funder accused of straw donations.https://t.co/x1Z9eqfmkE pic.twitter.com/O3eK3mVMly

— George Joseph (@georgejoseph94) September 26, 2024

NYPost standing by Adams here pic.twitter.com/e8wpuE4QJ5

— Ben Smith (@semaforben) September 27, 2024

NEW: NYC investigators raided the Queens HQ of the Sheriff's Office today as part of a probe looking in part into whether deputies have improperly seized cash from weed shops.

This came on the same day corruption charges got unsealed against Mayor Adams. https://t.co/ZG1avbA5QO

— Chris Sommerfeldt (@C_Sommerfeldt) September 27, 2024

Am I crazy or does that look like some of the coldest tastiest water you've ever seen https://t.co/xhiwZM462X

— Barry Petchesky (@barry) September 27, 2024

I've read the FAQ on the Trump watches, and it is glorious pic.twitter.com/ZpanR1Jeen

— Bill Grueskin (@BGrueskin) September 26, 2024

Excited for #XiaomiMIXFlip's global launch! But mostly, I'm loving my wallpaper pet. 😸 "Milo" says hi!

🟠📷🔴🌔 #XiaomiLaunch pic.twitter.com/n16DLCfJje

— Celia (@CeliaKayo) September 25, 2024

(Stumbled upon this when I was trying to figure out why everyone was talking about wallpapers earlier this week (and learned the incredibly stupid reason people were discussing wallpapers))

“Go son! Go son! Go son! Unhook the trailer! Unhook the trailer, G*ddamnit! Dallas, you slow Mother F***er. I’m sorry… I’m happy… I promise.”

~ Jordan Mailata in the greatest mic’d up clip you might ever hear LMAOpic.twitter.com/slPi20llbZ

— Josh Reynolds (@JoshReynolds24) September 24, 2024

Max 😂 "Gotta figure out why you're so f***ing dry over here" pic.twitter.com/kai4Swt2Xo

— CJ Fogler account may or may not be notable (@cjzero) September 27, 2024

The new Twitter logo. pic.twitter.com/GxSP1yfJgG

— Ryan Moulton (@moultano) September 25, 2024

dude this is like the funniest shit ever to me the burger king in my town was SO BAD they were cut off from the chain and are now just called burger. they still have the same menu too just with different names 😭 pic.twitter.com/bKzhl7JDh7

— pancake𓅢 (@ilovesubnautica) August 26, 2024

@pubity I would not have the patience for this😳 #Pubity ♬ original sound - Pubity

@t_lauren3 #momsoftiktok #boymoms #toddlers #construction ♬ original sound - TLB

@goth_pack He would stay all day if we let him #dog #pug #dogs #dogsofttiktok #doggo #maryland #hiking ♬ Green Onions - Booker T & The MGs

@remmersthefrenchie Come on hoooman play zoomies with me 🐶🤣 #frenchbulldog #frenchbulldogsoftiktok #dogsoftiktok #bulldogsoftiktok #babyanddog #babiesoftiktok #boymomsoftiktok #momsoftiktok ♬ Little Things - Adrián Berenguer

*More funny posts.