Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Vasquez from Aliens runs a bra business catering to large-breasted women

I was neck deep into my forties when I found out my real bra size. I had mixed feelings. My band size went down. That was great. But my cup... holy crap. I didn’t know they even used that part of the alphabet. My husband’s eyes glazed over when I told him the news. A sense of deep contentment seemed to settle over him, like he had won some kind of lottery. So that was good. Also good: my back stopped hurting. My straps stopped digging into me. I stopped adjusting myself all the time. It was easy to stand up straight. I looked good in clothes that didn’t used to fit right. And I wondered: I’ve been a working actress in Hollywood for 20 years. How come nobody told me about this before? 
Oh wait, they did. But who listens to the old Jewish lady in the therapeutic girdle wrapping a measuring tape around your embarrassingly voluptuous 12-year-old chest? Not me. So, here I am, rocking my Spanx and ready to impart a little old-school wisdom. The only way to get an accurate measurement is to get fitted. Your mother knew this and so did your grandma. 
Most women blessed with a figure like ours are wearing the wrong size bra. Chances are that right now half of your boob is bulging out somewhere or other. I call it Mall Bra Syndrome. It’s a low inventory, low wage, low skill business model that just about works for gals up to a C-cup, if they’re not too picky. But where is a store for us? 
Well, I come from a long line of women who are big on bosom and short on patience. So, enough already. 
Jenette Bras. 
Quality products and personal service in a chic, modern environment. You’re welcome.