Merry Christmas

I Tried Giving My Daughter The Worst Xmas Gift Ever & I Didn’t Expect This Reaction 😢 pic.twitter.com/44cJytI83m

— LGND (@iamlgndfrvr) December 20, 2019

THIS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN LMFAOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/xx7RE6G9Gr

— Sherean (@Sherean_Ismail) December 16, 2019

I feel like this holiday season, it's important to remind people of the true meaning of christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 19, 2019

My fave Christmas trivia is that Dickens saw a tombstone he thought said "SCROOGE: A MEAN MAN" and wanted to write a backstory for a guy who was such a piece of shit his tombstone said so (it later turned out to say "a meal man," i.e. a cornmeal merchant)

— Zack the Halls with Budryks of Holly (@BudrykZack) December 18, 2019

My mom asked me to help her decorate christmas cookies pic.twitter.com/ZXGe76HuBC

— ♝ 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐚 𝐁𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩 ♝ (@aalexandriabish) December 19, 2019

mum just asked why there is only one marley brother in this bbc adaptation of a christmas carol, correctly assuming that muppets christmas carol is the original text

— claire biddles (@msclairebiddles) December 22, 2019

elf: the reindeer need names

santa: fine, uhh dasher

elf: ok

santa: dancer

elf: uh huh

santa: prancer

elf: got it

santa: vixen

elf: yep-what?

santa: *licking lips* vixen

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 6, 2019

I feel like they should definitely have the word ‘his’ before boyfriend. pic.twitter.com/HmHqbBNviZ

— Joe J. (@JoeJ_25) December 21, 2019

Enjoying my favorite holiday classic, The Polar Express! pic.twitter.com/9J1FWzpKY7

— Mike Rosenthal (@VectorBelly) December 21, 2019

shelter pups picking out their own christmas presents 😭 pic.twitter.com/ujWkI7mock

— mar❁ (@zxmbee) December 21, 2019

You’d better watch out, you’d better watch out, you’d better watch out, I’m telling you why, Father Cryptmas is coming to get you on his Slay....💀 🎄🎁 Merry Christmas, everyone! pic.twitter.com/ZJrWawzLvA

— santa hat-ty 🎄 (@hattsandsocks) December 23, 2019

🎶 All of the other reindeers 🎶 Used to laugh and call him names 🎶so he killed them pic.twitter.com/GTtXrEHBSD

— Gecko (@geckoofficial) October 28, 2017

Ten funny tweets

My dad is a UPS driver in rural North Dakota & today he sent me these photos with no context pic.twitter.com/DkwwHM0vpG

— Maria Helen (@maria_helen13) December 19, 2019

UPS dads send the best pics throughout the day pic.twitter.com/UFdABDI0kC

— Payton Lange (@LangePayt) December 19, 2019

At first I thought this elevator was so “Out Of Service” that they got a plaque to commemorate how absolutely out of service it is pic.twitter.com/THpngb6SdU

— Max Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) December 23, 2019

The most judgemental hot tub is of course the j’accuzzi

— Katie (@ZiziFothSi) December 27, 2018

Seeing a lot of leftists jumping to wild conclusions about the intimate and utterly unremarkable fundraising dinner that the CEO of Raptor Healthcare Debt Collection Solutions and Tyler Bin Salman hosted for Mayor Pete on the International Space Station.

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) December 22, 2019

my fiancé and I started a baby jar & every time someone asks when we’re going to have kids we put a dollar in & when the jar is full we will spend it on whatever we want bc we don’t have kids

— ditch pony (@molly7anne) December 22, 2019

A new Cormac McCarthy novel and, you guessed it, it’s all about parkour.

— chris (@BassoonJokes) December 20, 2019

Jimmy Butler's reaction to Meyers Leonard stealing the rebound from him 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Op5d9yX8Mz

— gifdsports (@gifdsports) December 21, 2019

Me as a child: I wonder what I’ll be like when I’m grown up

Me grown up, absolutely high on caffeine hunched over my laptop typing work emails at a coffee shop holding back tears: I got the horses in the back

— Tancred (@jessabbott) June 27, 2019

i just witnessed the purest thing ever
(Celina Romera FB) pic.twitter.com/Y1ZQtFsca1

— Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) December 17, 2019

*More funny posts.

I'll Eat Your Children patch

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A post shared by danobanano toys (@dano_brown)

Time is a flat circle, Cats edition

Dame Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy pic.twitter.com/dqYNwIMTVU

— Emma “J.R.R.” Tolkin (@EmmaTolkin) December 23, 2019

Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger pic.twitter.com/i8vpCUlJ1B

— Emma “J.R.R.” Tolkin (@EmmaTolkin) December 23, 2019

Sir Ian McKellan as Gus the Theatre Cat pic.twitter.com/X30YCUQCL6

— Emma “J.R.R.” Tolkin (@EmmaTolkin) December 23, 2019

Flooded plain of Tesla chargers; Careful on Twitter, lest you summon a malevolent spirit; Can I "squirt" you a song from my Zune?

Possibly one of the most striking pictures of the flooding I've been sent — the Tesla electric vehicle stations in Wokingham are now underwater.

I feel like there is a point about climate change hidden here... 🌍 pic.twitter.com/2Eaf3JARqR

— Megan Baynes (@megbaynes) December 21, 2019

Boosting this, but also would like to note the increasing crossover between guidelines for safely interacting with the Algorithm and those for safely interacting with the Fair Folk/demons/malevolent ghosts. https://t.co/tDEQpz2IzF

— Kwisatz Haterade (@lowbeyonder) December 2, 2019

I like where he drives over a child sized pylon with out noticing. https://t.co/Drx4zHdEiz

— Anthony Ryan (@printtemps) December 9, 2019

Remember: when designing the Zune, Microsoft included the ability to share songs with other Zune users by way of proximity to each other. That functionality was named "squirting." As in, "Here, mom. Let me squirt you that track we were listening to in the car."

— Jesse Harlin - Black Lives Matter (@oogew) December 16, 2019

(For real)

Ten funny tweets

White girls realizing they all dress the samepic.twitter.com/oVVCLIgKei

— Cryptic (@CrypticNoOne) December 18, 2019

.@NYTStyles having the only holiday party with the courage to tell the truth pic.twitter.com/GkigluDOfG

— Taffy Brodesser-Akner (@taffyakner) December 18, 2019

I've actually been rewatching Harry Potter and it is never explicitly stated but Harry must be the dumbest kid in his class. He only knows about 7 spells and 5 of them do the same thing.

— Xan Boleyn (@PrettyBadLefty) December 19, 2019

pic.twitter.com/kmQruiodQd

— Real House Wife Guy (@LonestarTallBoi) December 18, 2019

I’m going to start responding to “Why are you single?” with “Why did your partner settle?”

Same energy.

— Octavia Butler knew... (@NotNikyatu) December 20, 2019

Who is this flavour and marketing campaign for pic.twitter.com/USPslZrf6g

— Kate Beaton (@beatonna) December 20, 2019

the year is 2021. class war rages across America. a brave resistance of rebel billionaires is operating from within an underground network of wine caves

— Amanda Hess (@amandahess) December 20, 2019

Mayor Pete can’t be that well read because anybody who’s read Poe knows better than to go into anybody’s wine cave.

— Austin Gilkeson (@osutein) December 20, 2019

Ten raccoons managed to get stuck inside a Toronto porch - 📹 Gates Wildlife Control https://t.co/Or3IcFDnu3 #Toronto #Raccoon #Raccoons pic.twitter.com/72hgzktCer

— blogTO (@blogTO) December 20, 2019

First day at work and no one will play with you.... pic.twitter.com/zyfdgXGAj4

— Dogs are the best people (@_TheBestDogs) December 19, 2019

*More funny posts.

The Mandalorian video game should absolutely feature this play mechanic; A version of Medieval Times, but set at Cloud City; Rey's full name revealed

seriously give me a new knights of the old republic game but instead of a paragon/renegade meter I want a baby yoda that follows me around and does fucked up or nice stuff depending on my choices.

— dongwon (@dongwon) December 20, 2019

disney, make a medieval times style experience where you sit down for a dinner and tournament hosted by darth vader a la cloud city, you fucking cowards

— Cass Marshall (@RequineGG) December 16, 2019

Moo-hahahaha! case: Rey is an abbreviation of Revan. [deadpan]

— aka Steve (no chekists please, we're Canadian) (@Anton_P_Nym) December 19, 2019

Brilliant, nearly subliminal shot design. While attached to the Star Destroyer, each shot filmed inside the cockpit is at a dutch angle, rolled in Z so the horizon isn't level to the frame. It's just enough to emphasize and telegraph to the audience the unusual spot Han chose. pic.twitter.com/GPUCSuK9GU

— Todd Vaziri (@tvaziri) March 18, 2018