Friday, January 16, 2026

Yes, I've waited so long for sportswriting in this category of stupid

From a long profile of Elway from 2016:
TO HEAR HIM speak of death as a hurdle, a dare, an obstacle to clear like first-and-98, makes me think of John Elway and, well, a waffle maker.

It was January 2011, the first day of Senior Bowl week in Mobile, Alabama. Shortly after 6 a.m. in the restaurant of a downtown Hampton Inn, scouts swarmed around the breakfast buffet before heading out to practice for player weigh-ins -- the grunt work, the stuff nobody wants to do. Out of the lobby elevator, barrel-chested, bowlegged and pigeon-toed, came John Elway.

He was less than three weeks into his new job running the Broncos. He wore a leather jacket. Desk clerks stared. Scouts stared. It was like Springsteen had showed up for open mic night. Elway approached the waffle maker, poured the batter and clamped the irons. The red light didn't come on. He flipped it over. Nothing. He fiddled with it. Still nothing. Then he got that look he gets when he's imposing his will. Brow furrowed, tongue hugging his upper lip. The look from when he threw the bullet that capped The Drive, the look from when he launched himself into three Packers near the goal line in Super Bowl XXXII. A look of high stakes let loose on a breakfast buffet
When Salouros got the call, he turned to his chef, Louis Falcone, and decided they were going to go off-menu. They had a separate steak, chicken and fish dish exclusive to Harbaugh and the Giants that, depending on the coach’s preference, they would make fresh. 

The appetizer selection was a Rolodex of Elia’s greatest hits: tuna tartare, fried zucchini and eggplant chips, octopus and fried calamari. 

Salouros said that the only disagreement was who would order first. Harbaugh deferred to Mara, who insisted that Harbaugh was the “man of the hour.” Harbaugh went with the fish, and Mara doubled down by saying he’d have the same thing. Schoen, in perhaps one of the great culinary power moves of all time, went with the ribeye.
(Check out the record of the team under the GM who executed that culinary power move) (The article continues to go into tremendous detail about the meal?)

Meanwhile, his previous employer:


@bleacherreport Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti says Harbaugh would have only had one more week if Tyler Loop made the FG 😳 (Via @Baltimore Ravens) #nfl #nflfootball #football #ravens ♬ original sound - bleacherreport