Today's news and jokes

A lovely afternoon here in Paris - where the city is not, in fact, on fire Mind you, neither are the throws on the Hail Mary Challenge by the Notre Dame Cathedral. Crowd is loving it 🏈🇫🇷 https://t.co/Xxoi9SwDzi

— Shane Brennan (@ShaneBrennan21) October 24, 2026

macron vs spiderman😭 https://t.co/YBXtjz8DDE

— ☆ (@beyordei) October 24, 2026

Quand tu n’avais pas prévu une manif durant ton mariage #24octobre #manif #funfact https://t.co/3gG5Foocd8

— Linda Bouras (@Linda_Bouras) October 24, 2026

(By the time this posts, the NFL Paris will be almost over)

I say yet again: any so-called “pardon” that is exercised as part of a corrupt or criminal conspiracy for which the President is either a participant or the beneficiary falls outside of the Article II pardon power and is void ab initio I’ll write the damn law review article of I have to

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— Vituperative Erb (@vituperativeerb.bsky.social) October 24, 2026 at 1:20 PM

This is going to create a major issue for Trump if he goes through with it: pardoned staff lose their 5th amendment protections for the pardoned offenses.

— Aaron Parnas (@AaronParnas) October 24, 2026

Please take some time today to read @Hayley__Harding's wild tale of a local election official (with a MAGA talk show host husband) who tried to cancel a bunch of voters' registrations—and how the system caught her. https://t.co/WDyuTZinN5

— Nathaniel Rakich (@baseballot) October 22, 2026

(That story's from Michigan, this one's Arizona.)

We spent a few days with Haiti's new Gang Suppression Force, and then men from the unit we met with disappeared. A look at the new force and the crisis it faces: https://t.co/EUmjC6CX4S

— Frances Robles (@FrancesRobles) October 23, 2026

("the episode has raised serious questions about what they were doing driving through what is widely considered a “no-go” zone for foreigners and even most Haitians..."I think this is a wake up call,” said [a] senior adviser of the Institute for Research and Action for Peace, a peace-building organization in Port-au-Prince, the capital. “Wake up call for the international community, for the U.S., for everybody: ‘Hey, we’ve been fooling around here, and those guys are not fooling around. Let’s get it on.’”"..."It is also funded by contributions to a dedicated U.N. trust fund. Expected to cost about $400 million a year, the fund has received $194 million, according to U.N. records.")

I was recently jogging on Sunset at night and noticed this insanely bright billboard. Today, @pablogoldstein has the outrageous backstory: how it is blatantly illegal, disrupts the sleep of nearby residents, and reflects the city’s sluggish enforcement of illegal billboards https://t.co/Vz1OS1X5cc

— Matt Hamilton (@_hamilton_matt) October 23, 2026

(The billboard owners have a lot of money to spend on politics, and lawyers)

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Another targeted theft, $100k in cash and $100k in cards stolen. More details they went to show yesterday left hotel this morning stopped at Starbucks and got hit. They were basically followed for more than a day before getting hit. https://t.co/ZhLMU3Xquu

— NEO Cards & Comics (@NEOCards_Comics) October 24, 2026

Got to start putting serial numbers on these like cash.

Let’s geek out a little on Disneyland ride mechanics, shall we? www.latimes.com/travel/newsl...

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— Todd Martens (@toddmartens.bsky.social) October 23, 2026 at 9:48 AM

("Behind-the-scenes engineering modifications over the last year have boosted not only the attraction’s reliability, but allowed its capacity to increase by about 125 people per hour" (the doors should open more reliably, the cars should park more precisely, and there are bigger storage pouches for people to store their possessions))

can’t wait to see topps cut these up and put them into cards 😂

— RobsRips (@RobsRips) October 22, 2026

Jared Verse on if he had FOMO for missing Deshaun Watson's viral #Browns hangout: "I'm not making an hour drive."

— Nick Pedone (@NickPedone12) October 22, 2026

We put the Lakers’ pronunciation skills to the test. ☝️😁 #LakeShow https://t.co/BND4Gj3s9R

— Spectrum SportsNet (@SpectrumSN) October 23, 2026

Sepulveda is a good one, too

somebody around LIV bankruptcy case told me to look into the disclosures today on the domain names the league purchased. A sampling: https://t.co/of6MnrBJJz https://t.co/zjNcbkuVLG

— Sujeet Indap (@sindap) October 23, 2026

That one dry cleaner on TikTok just dropped to his knees.

— Lakyn Thee Stylist (@OgLakyn) October 21, 2026

Phone: Do not take your normal way to work. There’s something fucked up with it. Take this bullshit way.

Me: No. I’d rather be late going the normal way than go the bullshit way.

Phone: That was a test, and you passed. Your normal way is 3 minutes faster than the bullshit way

— Ⓜ️ert (@mertcentury) September 16, 2026

big fan of this road sign pic.twitter.com/n0MQLtJby2

— evie 🧡🖤✨ (@eviedead2) September 13, 2026

日本のお天気キャスターバージョン☁️ https://t.co/R8vOPeE4YK pic.twitter.com/PiriQUGOst

— 山岸愛梨🍙気象予報士・星空案内人 (@airin0609) August 28, 2026

I looked them up and they appear to be at the Pima Animal Care Center (PACC) in Tucson, Arizona. If you adopt both of these dogs together — or any animal from this center — I will pay for a month's worth of pet food and help you find a good pair of pants. https://t.co/vabeBFUVCY https://t.co/wNK6EWTEFV

— derek guy (@dieworkwear) October 24, 2026

Handful of people are seeing this so let me just say: don't stop considering adopting/fostering just bc these guys have a home! There are currently ~475 dogs in shelter while, we have a comfortable max capacity of ~350. There are SO many wonderful dogs that need homes ASAP

— sin (@butchbaitism) October 24, 2026

@ayesha.pajares bichons are drama queens fr 😭 #bichon #bichonfrise #dogsoftiktok #dogtok #dogsofph ♬ âm thanh gốc - PawPaw Daily

*More funny posts.