astronaut: houston, we have a problem
— joe (@mutablejoe) November 24, 2020
manager: i've spoken to you before about how we don't use that language
astronaut: sorry, houston we have an opportunity
THE 2020 WAR ON CHRISTMAS BEGINS NOW.
— Billy Wayne Davis (@BillyWayneDavis) November 27, 2020
jason: there’s an Elven photo shoot happening at the park right now as I'm weightlifting
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) November 24, 2020
blue velvet gown bow and arrows
now the man has put on an inflatable bear costume
they just got in a maybe $80,000 brand new suburban and drove off pic.twitter.com/d9wGZ1UU6Z
A friend who works as a teacher In Maryland had classes cancelled today because of ransomware. They described ransomware as "the new snow day" because it is so common :/
— Chris Bing (@Bing_Chris) November 25, 2020
people my age aren't having a lot of kids because one of our 9 roommates usually objects
— Amy (@cableknitjumper) November 25, 2020
Gerard Deulofeu injects new life into the age-old dinner party question. pic.twitter.com/f40rNUdNDu
— Nick Miller (@NickMiller79) September 30, 2016
Explaining why I'm weeks late on my draft: u see, I can't write when the page isn't perfectly centered, and
— Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) November 24, 2020
The important thing is that everyone has a nap spot. pic.twitter.com/3ze62oAhak
— Kingfisher & Wombat (@UrsulaV) November 24, 2020
This video, of swans wreaking havoc at Bath Spa train station, has it all.
— Alex Wood (@MrAlexWood) November 23, 2020
For me, it’s the sudden appearance of that second swan that really makes it. ðĶĒ
ð·: Ed Shaw.
Some context ð: https://t.co/G7PZW1fLUu pic.twitter.com/ab6oe6YfBK
Lovebird in the process of:
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) July 3, 2017
a) Neatly cutting nesting materials and storing them in its tail feathers
b) Getting ready for a big night out pic.twitter.com/d2cbdPTy6n
i love the kind of pet owner that sees their pet destroying something and instead of stopping them goes "no wait i wanna see where this is going" https://t.co/z1mFe3Pl3Q
— puppy (@16kbps) November 25, 2020
*More funny posts.