My smoke and gunny asked to get in the trails for a fire mission... Gunny must have forgot how hard a charge 7 kicks because he fell and pulled my gunner off with him 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/IfWLbaX4fn— Courtney (@courtlewis127) July 31, 2018
genie: you have three wishes— Olly iConic (@Chumpstring) April 15, 2018
me: make firemen ugly
genie: you got it
me: instead of sliding down a pole make them climb out of a well
genie: ok
me: take the big ladder off their truck
genie: dude what’s your problem
[a baseball rolls by my foot]— Mark Magark (@markedly) September 30, 2017
KID: hey mister, can you throw that back
ME: *embarrassed about how I look when I throw* uh eat shit, kid
Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping— Laura Lovette (@laurajaylovette) July 19, 2018
— 🅙🅑🅤🅜 (@jbum) July 21, 2018
I'm addicted to reading the screenwriting subreddit and I hope this screenshot helps you understand why pic.twitter.com/sLdsynSPQ2— How do i get the rose in my name (@i_zzzzzz) July 28, 2018
Perfect haircut 😍 pic.twitter.com/bfFNeTIdDl— puppie🐕 (@activepuppie) July 29, 2018
The dove drops an olive branch in my hands. He knows that I hate olives. This means war— rachel jane andelman 🔥 (@rajandelman) July 29, 2018
all of these have the same energy pic.twitter.com/9AQBaocVD5— ʎddoןs (@sloppydraws) July 29, 2018
has Tom Cruise seen a movie? pic.twitter.com/9Li0zAq1YB— Ryan Perez (@ryguyperez) July 30, 2018