Funny (gross) story about finding yourself stuck on a snail-covered path in the dark in the rain

Near my high school girlfriend’s house there was this path. It went from her street to the nearest bus stop. It was shaded by trees and a really pleasant walk. But whenever it rained, it was covered in snails.

A horrifying thread. https://t.co/0LmPP2JJx2

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

I was leaving her place one night. It was dark, and it had just rained. And when I got to the path, the lights that normally lit it were out.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

I figured, whatever. I’ve been down this path dozens of times. It’s a straight line. I’ll be fine in the dark. And this was the middle of the nineties, I definitely didn’t have a smart phone with a light on it in my pocket.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

I got about a third of the way through the path when I felt the first crunch under my foot.

Oh my god, that was a snail, I thought. I felt really bad.

I continued to walk.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

Now I’m feeling awful. I love snails. I’ve just killed four or five of them and it seems like they are becoming more densely packed in front of me.

And then it starts to pour rain.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

So now I have a choice: I can continue onwards and be a monstrous snail murderer, or double back, take the long way around, miss my bus and have to wait an hour in a downpour.

My heart can’t take the snail popping sounds, so I decide to go back.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

Unfortunately, the downpour has brought out more snails behind me, and the walk back is two or three snails under every step. I don’t get very far. I’m frozen in the middle of the path, getting soaked.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

I take another step on the way back.

Crunch.

I take another step on the way forward.

Crunch.

I take a really deep breath.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

I mean, I could just stay here until morning, right? In the middle of a path in the dark in a downpour?

Except I have to sleep. And I bet if I lay down on the path I’ll murder a hundred snails.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

With tears in my eyes, I decide to press forwards. I run as fast as I can, taking strides as large as I can to avoid as much snail carnage as possible.

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) April 28, 2019

Read on.