I have a Carl Reiner story that I hold very dear to me. I figured I'd share it today, on the day of his passing, because I hope it will bring some other people some joy the way it does me.— Matthew Rosenberg (@AshcanPress) June 30, 2020
Hi, welcome to Chuck E. Cheese. Everything is visibly dirty and our mascot is a rat, eat some pizza near a sneezing child.— dan johnson (@danevanjohnson) June 25, 2020
Come on down for some rat pizza at our child casino.
remember in suicide squad when they introduced deadshot as "the most wanted man alive" and he's in prison when they say that— mavis beacon's ghost protocol (@thejedahliker) June 16, 2020
just found out that 51 is divisible by 17 i feel fucking sick i can’t breathe— 𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖔𝖊 (@chloarchi) June 26, 2020
pronouncing tarot like carrot to deal aoe psychic damage to any goth in my general vicinity— anne banan 🍌 (@pamiejaige) June 24, 2020
my girlfriend is insistent shes seen Lord of the Rings but the only character she remembers is Dobbo. im like whos dobbo and shes like the gremlin. i cant cope?— Jen (@deaths_cool) September 21, 2019
Having a cat is like having a teddy bear that is always investigating a murder.— Alexis De Wokeville (@MrAlexisPereira) June 26, 2020
Please enjoy my 3 year old weighing his face. pic.twitter.com/sDSYbElNR1— MiMi Aye (@meemalee) June 26, 2020
Oh mannnn.— Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez (@FitzTheReporter) June 29, 2020
So @BET just ran an in-memoriam for the WRONG Willie Brown.
So I called Da Mayor, Willie, and he said:
"I'm not gonna correct them. Why correct them?
I'm gonna make sure all my creditors take notice. The debt, is canceled."
He's gotten at least 30 calls so far. https://t.co/ups4WLIOKF
Please watch this 35 second Magnum clip. I have not stopped laughing. pic.twitter.com/nneXjJxUPj— Chris “Wear A Mask” Driver (@Jerkwheatery) June 30, 2020
Wet Samoyed dogs look like polar bears pic.twitter.com/WMkQJmGWSb— Jeff (@JeffWantPoppers) June 26, 2020
Just a dandelion hunting puppy for your weekend joy. pic.twitter.com/DPB3AqtTyJ— Danny Deraney (@DannyDeraney) June 27, 2020
*More funny posts.