I am unutterably delighted to learn that when a Portuguese person wants to express the thought ‘a bad workman blames his tools,’ she says instead that ‘A BAD DANCER BLAMES HIS TROUSERS.’— Lucy Worsley (@Lucy_Worsley) January 26, 2020
We’ve introduced Wellness Geese to campus to help students de-stress during the exam period. pic.twitter.com/5gKlgpqooo— Bantshire University (@BantshireUni) January 25, 2020
Good Morning ☀️ pic.twitter.com/ZlvdXG2suP— Air-Rum (@__aarum) January 26, 2020
do u like my scented candle its baja blast— big man (@blundeee) January 26, 2020
drifting across black ice at 95 mph in my soft-top geo tracker so that in 2023 ambulance rides will cost $6000 instead of $10000 https://t.co/yxm5WMKkJJ— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) January 24, 2020
Oh my God this is exactly what happened. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo tried to slander a reporter who knows far more about European geography that he does, by insinuating that she has misidentified Ukraine as Belarus. But he is such a dingdong he accidentally wrote Bangladesh. https://t.co/BLHygyuV48— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) January 25, 2020
Went to the ER because “my legs have turned blue and Web MD says I have deep vein thrombosis.”— Mark (@MShrayber) January 25, 2020
Was this it? The big one?
No! I have the “dumbass who doesn’t wash his new jeans before wearing them” disease and I would like to be executed immediately.
A Marmot is basically a bro trapped in a gopher body pic.twitter.com/dkpiy7CEZl— Life on Earth (@planetpng) January 23, 2020
If I fitz... pic.twitter.com/eOzNC1sXEy— Mr. Meowgi (@Mr_Meowwwgi) January 26, 2020
Okay I am here to confirm that right after the first two toppled over, they all got right back up and continued being cute!!!! pic.twitter.com/xO71WqEAPJ— h (@heathhhbarr) August 5, 2019
*More funny tweets.