The first time I experienced the rain in the produce aisle was a moment I will never forget. Suddenly the full extent of American wealth and power became clear to me on an instinctive level. There was even a kind of thunder soundtrack played from small speakers somewhere?
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) January 10, 2020
I, too, have heard the thunder, and it took a long time to comprehend that it was happening
— Arthur Delaney (@ArthurDelaneyHP) January 10, 2020
MLB should have made the Astros punishment fun: Houston’s pitchers have to tip every single pitch of the 2020 season. If they lie, it’s an automatic ball. I’d certainly watch every game.— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 13, 2020
All I want in life is to interview Melissa, who drives Bernie crazy and gets angry at him all the time.— Julia Carrie Wong (@juliacarriew) January 13, 2020
Melissa, if you see this, my DMs are open. https://t.co/hEMdK5gnip
over the past 20 minutes I have become obsessed with Hall of Fame Guy:— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) January 13, 2020
—he's 6-9, 400 lbs
—played pro hoops in Switzerland
—former commissioner of Arena Football League
—forged $50k check to himself to finance a run for Congress
—HE'S 6-9, 400 POUNDS pic.twitter.com/MhGUwQbYBa
the best example of this is Jusuf Nurkic being 6-foot-11, 290 pounds and still being DWARFED by his 7-foot, 400-pound father, who was a Bosnian Police officer. https://t.co/gV2fCFHaVn— Sam Vecenie (@Sam_Vecenie) January 13, 2020
— Foxfeather Zenkova (@foxfeather) January 13, 2020
You arrive at a gate with two guards.— Conal Pierse (@ConalPierse) January 12, 2020
Guard 1: Halt, traveler. You must solve our riddle to continue.
Guard 2: ʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵉ ᵍᵒ
G1: ONE of us only tells the truth. The other only tells LIES.
G2: jesus christ, Daniel, I said I was sorry.
over a year ago some nigga asked me to come have a threesome with him and some weirdo looking white girl and i politely declined but every day Facebook still asks me if she’s a person i may know, all these technological advancements and this is what i get— ashley ray (@arayyay) January 12, 2020
what really happened vs. how a toddler tells you what happened. https://t.co/oKU4go067L— 🎋🎐〽️ (@KimmyMonte) January 13, 2020
Water sausages having a float pic.twitter.com/uPUDo8Dyvn— In Otter News (@Otter_News) January 12, 2020
*More funny posts.