Yes, Marcell Ozuna took a fake selfie halfway down the first-base line after hitting a home run. https://t.co/tN8B9PTGxh— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) October 1, 2020
I invented the Glizzy Gripper. A hot dog holder with a privacy screen for people who don't like to be watched while they eat their wieners. Seconds anyone?! pic.twitter.com/ncEsZbRZwD— Unnecessary Inventions (@mattyxb) October 1, 2020
When I was the sideline reporter for the Sixers, they told me they would fine me if I referred to Glenn “Doc” Rivers as “Doc” on the air… Saying that there was only one Doc, and that was Dr. J! Quite the conundrum here 😉 (I never found out if they were serious about that fine)— Jaime Maggio (@jaimemaggio) October 2, 2020
wait this is starting to sound familiar pic.twitter.com/uYrXZLsDq6— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 1, 2020
My favorite Russian black humor joke, currently evergreen in America:— Cathy Young (@CathyYoung63) September 28, 2020
Guy in ambulance after a car accident: Where are we going?
Driver: To the morgue.
Patient: But I'm not dead yet!
Driver: Well, we're not there yet.
One of the reasons I have so many stories is that I’m bad at small talk so I ask new people “what’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you?” and then lock it in my mind palace.— Irulan, Princess Royal, Bene Gesserit-trained (@Nicole_Cliffe) September 29, 2020
this is a great way to convince your kids blue liquids in a bottle are totally safe to eat— Dianna E. Anderson (@diannaeanderson) September 29, 2020
absolutely nothing can go wrong here https://t.co/hpaTiR8BBD
My wife just told me not to lose any more weight or "you'll ruin the whole King of Queens vibe of our relationship" and I don't think I've ever been so thoroughly dunked on in my life— Matt Brown (@MattBrownEP) September 29, 2020
I have just discovered something truly insane pic.twitter.com/j2TbcMOx1P— Chris Tcholakian (@ChrisTcholakian) September 28, 2020
The guy that told me in 8th grade that Trent Reznor escaped from a mental hospital to record Pretty Hate Machine and when the authorities caught him, they heard the album and it was so good that they declared he didn’t need to be institutionalized is into Q now.— Baby Pete Toms (@fancypetetoms) September 29, 2020
main source of joy is this guy who frantically guesses what color the paint is going to be pic.twitter.com/T1dQrTRWIK— rebecca jennings (@rebexxxxa) September 29, 2020
Parrots were removed from a UK safari park after teaching each other to swear and then laughing about it https://t.co/In6hRfZXgx— Tracy Chou (@triketora) September 29, 2020
Waffles has had a haircut today and she's CHANGED COLOUR pic.twitter.com/r1BqUuv7A1— Jack Bernhardt (@jackbern23) September 28, 2020
Blissfully ignorant of everything that's happening in the world, Tangtang just wants me to throw her damn ball until kingdom come pic.twitter.com/ejPX09KrGd— Robert Maguire (@RobertMaguire_) September 26, 2020
*More funny posts.