— Militant Angeleno (@militantangleno) August 30, 2018
i’ve been trying to think of a good thing to text my crush for three hours and so far all i have is “do you want to see my knives”— dirt prince (@pants_leg) August 23, 2018
my wife just dropped ‘your father’ in a sentence so I guess I better go change these relaxed fit cargo shorts to the serious slacks— Gle[nn]ish (@Glennot73) June 29, 2018
{job interview}— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) August 29, 2018
Dog Boss: what would you say your biggest weakness is?
Me: I don’t know, I guess I can get really petty
Dog Boss: *excited tail wagging*
Can’t wait till winter so i can really start dressin pic.twitter.com/CykF5PcM5n— Myatt (@matchu_merman) August 27, 2018
Alternatively, you could spend £75,000 on this chess table, if you like chess. Or punching people. Or anything else youcan do with a fist. #richpeopleareweird pic.twitter.com/5OLqfOT39F— RedScharlach (@redfacts) August 30, 2018
all three jeopardy contestants sleep together in a big bed the night before the show— scarab lord olivia (@spookyoolong) August 30, 2018
A guy broke into my car in 2002 and stole a stack of CDs except he left a couple which means he took the time and risked being caught to judge my taste in music and that hurt so much more than the broken window.— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) August 17, 2018
Just got pelted in the face by the most powerful water fountain in the universe pic.twitter.com/uOGv4ONuQN— Oliver Sava (@OliverSava) August 30, 2018
“L. Gaga" pic.twitter.com/rQsLRmJ46J— Matt Jacobs (@tarantallegra) August 31, 2018