[a spider, the first .05 seconds of me walking through its web] oh FUCK yes— crân-buri-ghân (@bromanconsul) August 12, 2018
I wonder if spiders stop halfway through a web like "ugh will i ever be inspired again i'm a hack"— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 12, 2018
— Kevin Parry (@kevinbparry) August 9, 2018
Road game. Guys next to us tailgating were being dicks. My very short, elderly uncle went to go tell them off. My mom told me to go stand behind him. I crossed my arms like Kevin Nash with Shawn Michaels.— Billy Gomila (@ATVS_ChefBilly) August 12, 2018
My sister's hooking these up for her classroom and those kids don't even realize how blessed they are pic.twitter.com/ORWB9GY10u— sojourner's boss bitch (@writersrepublic) August 11, 2018
Shout out to this stock photographer arranging Alphabetti Spaghetti into assorted words on the off-chance someone might, one day, need the word 'pension' rendered in pasta. pic.twitter.com/tYX3htCEje— Andy Kelly (@ultrabrilliant) August 12, 2018
Me:*hits rock bottom* welp, it can’t get any worse— Boog (@BoogTweets) August 11, 2018
Rock bottoms older brother: Is this the guy that hit you
Me: ᴼʰ ⁿᵒ
I'm minding my little cousins and it has emerged that the 4 year old thought owls were mythical animals and is now losing his shit that they're real— Easy Comrade (@SelkiesGirlband) August 11, 2018
I don't normally post political tweets but this is very important. pic.twitter.com/8030Ja8j6U— Paul Bronks (@BoringEnormous) August 11, 2018
PERO VAMOS A VER pic.twitter.com/J5CmkNI4A4— Lassana (@_Lassana_) August 11, 2018