fun fact: this page is mostly red because i couldn't figure out how to draw him here. I didn't want to draw angry eyes cause he just didn't look like himself & it was too scary, but the wide eyes on their own didn't do it. it was a lucky break that the hat was already blood red. https://t.co/SEnLoJwRO6
— jon klassen (@burstofbeaden) May 12, 2022
(IRS agents should have facial recognition access so they can initiate audits of people entering the obscenely-priced areas of sporting events.)I wish I could click on all the people in courtside seats at playoff games and get a link to their life stories.
— Domonique Foxworth (@Foxworth24) May 18, 2022
ATMs in 2023: “Sweetie, why don’t you smile more?” https://t.co/d7PGQEKC9K
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) May 17, 2022
"Netflix canceled Antiracist Baby", a statement that is simultaneously true, completely AI-generated, incomprehensible, fully of the moment
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) May 18, 2022
I swear we’re going to find out that the closure of Harvard’s on campus daycare in winter 2021 drove *massive* changes in national Covid policy because the Harvard parents were pissed & are socially very close to the health policy apparatus
— John Cluverius (@JohnCluverius) March 2, 2022
(She answers in the thread if you care. I wonder what percentage of Robin Quivers's news items were basically accurate.OK. So I've got a minute. Why Does Joe Rogan think Australia is trying to make growing your own food illegal? Let’s investigate. https://t.co/zA5NH1qZtq
— Brandy Zadrozny (@BrandyZadrozny) May 17, 2022
Trying very hard to pay attention to this NASA presser about the final months of a dust-covered Mars lander but can't stop thinking about this cake they made pic.twitter.com/p2TdMhHK8E
— Marina Koren (@marinakoren) May 17, 2022
Unlike Morbius who’s eternal. https://t.co/7MxSEUq73W
— Pugmane 🐾 🐛 🥫 (@pugmane) May 17, 2022
This man wishes we would Less-bius. https://t.co/6u9Su0lI02
— Ⓜ️ichael Darling (@FutureHasbeen) May 17, 2022
(Morbius socks available, btw.)What if Morbius took the gauntlet, snapped, and said "It's Morbin time" https://t.co/Qx0AAVJha9
— Underscore "Official Morbposter" Zeus (@UnderscoreZeus) May 17, 2022
please let me know who made this so I can kiss them on the mouth pic.twitter.com/VJEUwbPxkZ
— A Mythic Bitch (@AMythicWitch) May 15, 2022
Thinking about how my sister’s college friend was nicknamed “Burgers” cause one time he talked about grilling burgers too enthusiastically. You have to be careful
— Erin Somers (@SomersErin) May 15, 2022
The fact that Napa, a place whose sole "thing" is drinking, doesn't have good public transportation options is insane.
— Reid Greer (@jreidgreer) May 15, 2022
— Tom Shapira (@tomshaps) May 8, 2022
There are exactly two things that are uniquely human:
— ⊤ (@iamastrangebool) May 11, 2022
Moral cognition
and
Mountain Dew Baja Blast
Big storm last night! Seeing some news reports of power outages and trees on houses. I spotted this storm fallout on my way to #TargetField this morning. pic.twitter.com/y3V0clJhTf
— Chris T. (@TweeterAudioGuy) May 12, 2022
People who go “if you believe that, I have some magic beans I’d like to sell you” - the magic beans worked, they actually were magic beans
— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) May 12, 2022
If Goofy shows up to your party and he's dressed like a normal man from the '90s or 2000s, you might be okay. If he's got his vest and his stupid green hat... buddy, you're already fucked
— Bob Cobb (@depechejoe) April 29, 2020
@knfoley16 #elliefoley #toddlersoftiktok #tiktokmom ♬ Locked Up - Akon
@tillygthetortoise He loves bringing toys! 🧸🦴🐶💕#dogsofttiktok #happydoggie #tillygthetortoise #wigglepup ♬ Love You So - The King Khan & BBQ Show
*More funny posts.