Today's news and jokes

You know you go to the good car wash when it has a recently signed castshot from someone on Small Wonder pic.twitter.com/cBxUhyVd1W

— nick carr // scout stories (@scoutwithnick) January 17, 2023

holy shit this is real?? pic.twitter.com/Wu6ZhbdA2R

— 𝓡𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓼 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽’𝓵𝓵 𝓑𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓐𝓼𝓼 (@ass_beaters) April 17, 2023

BREAKING: rob desantis threatens to route a norfolk southern rail line carrying polyvinyl chloride through remy’s ratatouille adventure unless disney stops serving bud light

— kilgore trout, blue check free since 2003 (@KT_So_It_Goes) April 17, 2023

(Meanwhile, Florida flooding has caused gasoline shortages)

I am begging scientists to stop with the mythological monster names for Covid sub-variants. pic.twitter.com/P4bgOgNiMX

— Gearoid Reidy リーディー・ガロウド (@GearoidReidy) January 6, 2023

If I was in PR / agent to a legend I would pay a lot of attention to the fact that in the past year Hadley Freeman has forced both Judy Blume and Margaret Atwood to issue public statements because their words had been twisted by Freeman's hatred of Trans people. https://t.co/y0swVW2FAB

— Claire Vaughan she/her 〓〓 🏳️‍🌈🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🎬 (@pixieglas) April 17, 2023

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hadley freeman, your failuresss disssspleasssse me
Rowling: you promissssed me you would deliver margaret atwood
Rowling: instead, nothing but ashess and wind
Hadley Freeman: p-please dark lord
Freeman: one more chance, just one!

— The Midnight Society (@midnight_pals) April 17, 2023

the UI for Amazon Pharmacy in the USA genuinely looks like something someone would photoshop for their fictional dystopia pic.twitter.com/9vj56N9uta

— 🌦 (@zemnmez) April 14, 2023

hahahah fuck you @nytimes

worthless bastards pic.twitter.com/rgE1rJs9Ez

— Mike Toole (@MichaelToole) April 17, 2023

01.04.23 pic.twitter.com/8Ekj2h83M5

— Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus (@DrTedros) April 1, 2023

The nicest burp cloth pic.twitter.com/u55CQWGKtG

— Kate Beaton (@beatonna) April 17, 2023

https://t.co/rVF1RsiHtG pic.twitter.com/Sn0c2kZnPz

— Neil McNeil (@Neil_McNeil) April 16, 2023

Lots of joking about this, but honestly, I think they should only put lighting in films if it advances the plot. https://t.co/qz3oRemzfl

— Osita Nwanevu (@OsitaNwanevu) April 16, 2023

You can't tell me these aren't just unsold Ratatouille fanny packs they repainted https://t.co/GsMCqX5W7F

— Rob Yeo (@robjyeo) April 3, 2023

“The Allegory of the Rave” being held in an actual cave complete with projected shadows is the greatest club night concept of all time https://t.co/QSAT3kEbWd

— Cory Schmitz (@CorySchmitz) April 3, 2023

interviewer: your resume says you like being read to

me: and then what happened

— fredesque (@FredTaming) February 15, 2022

@barbielatina69_ Sacramento Giants 😎 #fyp ♬ original sound - LIZ 🤸🏻‍♀️

@lilybirdsworld How many kids does it take to outsmart a parrot with a vendetta?? 🤣 #parrotsoftiktok #lilycockatoo #mortalenemy #hairbrushproblems #funnypets #sillybird #angrybirds #umbrellacockatoo #cockatoosoftiktok #tikflok #birdmomlife ♬ Spongebob Tomfoolery - Dante9k Remix - David Snell

The neighborhood put together pony rides for the kiddos…and a Unicorn showed up. The girls were obviously thrilled. Also, this is an insane photo… pic.twitter.com/nykVIbtjWn

— PITARRA (@NickPitarra) April 2, 2023

*More funny posts.