Today's news and jokes

The @Royals will be giving away an MJ Melendez bobblehead on April 2 that has interchangeable arms to switch positions from catcher, batter and outfielder pic.twitter.com/p3cpWnKbXx

— Major League Life (@MLBLife) March 26, 2023

Why did you type ‘game changer’

— kang (@jaycaspiankang) April 2, 2023

League/NBAPA getting killed all day including by Draymond and other players. Then later in the day, another meaningless detail mysteriously leaks and is called a ‘game changer.’ Of course, players investing in stuff is not any money out of owner pockets. Come on. https://t.co/kj4GmaHvvC

— kang (@jaycaspiankang) April 2, 2023

NBPA president is a big crypto supporter, btw.

Players owning a piece of a sportsbook what could go wrong. https://t.co/m6OsgVzaSo

— Haralabos Voulgaris (@haralabob) April 2, 2023

I feel like the actual "test of democracy" was having a president who committed crimes constantly?https://t.co/BB7LWkzYYs pic.twitter.com/HWkzNZHYDv

— Michael Hobbes (@RottenInDenmark) March 31, 2023

This is completely upside-down. The only place broken-windows policing makes sense is for elites.
Power comes with responsibility! The dangerous precedent is all the impunity that came before this. https://t.co/P0Ni8gBOTD

— Michael Hobbes (@RottenInDenmark) April 1, 2023

Introducing the all-new Berry Band! Get ready to interact with Knott's in a brand new way! Hear the Catawampus moo, chat with Sad Eye Joe, and even feel the heartbeat in Boothill Cemetary. Buy now for $41.23! pic.twitter.com/5ODbrdbWpV

— Knott's Berry Farm (@knotts) April 1, 2023

I really don't understand how the guy who invented April Fool's wasn't murdered the very first year he tried it

— Tyler Mahan Coe (Top 0.01% on Ticketmaster) (@TylerMahanCoe) April 2, 2023

do this for real and turn the 10 into a canal I fucking dare you https://t.co/GlQNOlDD0v

— gatling gun kelly (@noahpasaran) April 1, 2023

You own this outfit and got your portrait done in a suit??? https://t.co/cW6ENUOkeb pic.twitter.com/yMTA9XSveS

— Erica Henderson (@EricaFails) March 31, 2023

Will be sad to see my blue check go — the only evidence I once drew a $40,000/yr salary working for a digital publication with a competent social media editor

— Jeremy Gordon (@jeremypgordon) March 30, 2023

I sit in a cubicle and I go through thousands of lines of code and remove blue checkmarks from legacy verified users, it doesn't really matter I don't like my job and I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. pic.twitter.com/0k2f2vt206

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 1, 2023

If there was any sense of humor left at the bird company, every user would’ve woken up on April Fools with a blue check

— Jason Goldman (@goldman) April 1, 2023

[Bluto subtweeting after getting his ass whooped]
I don’t know who needs to hear this but spinach isn’t a personality

— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) March 22, 2023

Maybe my favorite thing I ever wrote. pic.twitter.com/m2MnfWLUGh

— Andrew Farago (@andrewfarago) March 31, 2023

this ‘surprised’ Gizmo puppet used in the toy car scene of Gremlins (1984) is on display at the museum of pop culture pic.twitter.com/f2vDu9gXjf

— Horror4Kids (@horror4kids) March 31, 2023

When Terminator 2 was dubbed into Spanish, "hasta la vista, baby" didn't work as the slang John Connor teaches the t-800 so they replaced it with this: pic.twitter.com/8L3lvZWNkL

— don (@donswaynos) March 21, 2023

Please note that these manga are filled with jokes and eccentric theories such as this: https://t.co/xYYfnYLrbr, so this should be taken more as an interesting thought experiment than anything that would actually be endorsed by Nintendo!

— Supper Mario Broth (@MarioBrothBlog) March 23, 2023

This isn't just a Texas thing, but bands embody the "everything is bigger" motto

Additionally, the logistics of the largest college band is nuts: in order to move us anywhere, it takes three 26' box trucks (we need a dedicated semi) and I think 12(?) 55 passenger charter busses.

— In Search of Hat in Profile Pic (@GaussFrigate) March 23, 2023

Keyboard Puffer by Liminal! (2023) pic.twitter.com/KSSx2wWPRC

— Outlander Magazine (@StreetFashion01) March 31, 2023

This is what warfare between competing balloon vendors looks like. pic.twitter.com/CnO3wtOhAv

— Manya Koetse (@manyapan) March 23, 2023

@champurads first person to say I look Filipino but because I look like manny??? #pacquiao #filipino ♬ Elevate - Jeff Grecia

@sirtuckertok Sorry, bud. They have to know! #fyp #dog #dogs #anxiousdog #dogsoftiktok #cavapoo #doodle #puppy #dogleash #reactivedog #SeeHerGreatness ♬ chase has another viral sound - chases silly baka

*More funny posts.