"Tonight it's 'Dear Advice Columnist: Purge Edition', where we give advice valid only for one night. 'One of the mothers at kindergarten says unkind things about my child. How do I cope?' Letter writer: hit her with your truck."— David Mowatt 🔜 EGX (@ducklingsmith) September 21, 2018
I love my husband so much that when he just now asked me “have I told you my new idea for a podcast?” I sincerely wanted to know.— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) September 22, 2018
Not creepy. Not creepy at all. pic.twitter.com/qfhxl7z8DH— Barstool Sports (@barstooltweetss) September 22, 2018
This ad has to have the biggest wow moment of any political ad I’ve ever seen https://t.co/2wwTqygX15— Joe Perticone (@JoePerticone) September 21, 2018
i was in the grocery store and a prince song was playing. over the intercom i hear “richard. come to the deli. richard”— jhon bhon jhovi (@dearjhonletter) September 20, 2018
30 seconds later the same thing “richard. richard. come to the deli please” and some guy out of nowhere yelled “cmon richard you’re fuckin up this prince song”
A student emailed me, profusely apologizing for getting my name wrong at the top of their paper, and I was like, “Thanks, whatever, nbd.” Then I got to their paper and saw their instructor was “Professor whats his nuts”— Professor whats his nuts (@Hendyhendel) September 19, 2018
this should be good pic.twitter.com/EGiPoav6TO— Daniel Salas (@d_a_salas) September 21, 2018
Did you know The Osmonds used to do this weird ass karate shit live?? pic.twitter.com/T49jQYImT3— Michael M (@michaelmphysics) September 21, 2018
— Sarah. (@SarahisSorry) September 21, 2018
Honestly now, if you need this many buttons to operate your door, and this much explanation for your door, something is very wrong with your door pic.twitter.com/Zos5CMwoUm— Alex Wiltshire (@rotational) September 21, 2018