Busytown in 2018, by @RubenBolling pic.twitter.com/W5RSQTzHGD— John McMurtrie (@McMurtrieSF) September 14, 2018
my dad yelled from the computer room one day (while i was watching a movie i wasn't allowed to watch, grease) "stop reading stories about lesbians all tied up with rope!" i said ok, and that's the day i learned to delete browser history while still making it look like you hadn't.— endora bullshit (@collectdust) September 14, 2018
once in the fifth grade i found a tube of red lipstick in the church bathroom and wore it all day and when my mom caught me i said god told me i should wear it for his glory— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 14, 2018
OK MOOD pic.twitter.com/9olt1fzJQJ— KimbĂ©rlllllly (@BadassKimberly_) September 14, 2018
Forty years ago, on Halloween night, Michael Myers murdered three people. But what is he supposed to do, just disappear from public life forever?— PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) September 14, 2018
i recently noticed that whenever life was getting me down, i'd usually find a dollar in my pocket the next day. i told my parents how weird it was and they told me my little sister puts a dollar in one of my pockets when she knows i'm sad to help cheer me up and now i'm cryin— jake (@squidslippers) September 13, 2018
Me: *cleaning blood oozing from the walls* the ghost said it will quit haunting our house if you just put your stuff away— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) September 15, 2018
Husband: I said I would do it
Me: *being dragged to the basement by an invisible force* JUST PUT IT AWAAAAAAY
Husband: omg, you don’t have to nag
I was once in an elevator and a girl dropped her iphone as she stepped in, and we both listened to it careen thunderously down the shaft for what seemed like five minutes, our eyes wide with shock.— Jessica Wade (@Jess_Wade) September 14, 2018
It took every once of self restraint I had not to say, "FOOL of a Took."
Weather Channel response to viral video of two men passing while reporter is bracing for hurricane force winds. pic.twitter.com/fk57diJ9ve— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 15, 2018
my daughter informed me that she doesn't have Twitter because it's "for adults" who are "raunchy and hostile" then followed up by saying it seems like more trouble than it's worth, and that the only ppl who can stand Twitter ppl are other Twitter ppl.— Holly Green (@winnersusedrugs) September 15, 2018
like wow. nailed it