Screenwriter: "Still don't have a title for this script."— Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerBMD) March 14, 2019
Exec: "Well, break it down - what's the movie about?"
Screenwriter: "Dude hiding in a house."
Exec: "There ya go." pic.twitter.com/hoxIJ53vmi
All I see is a good boy doing his best. pic.twitter.com/NIQPyQGztj— Brooke Rogers 🌻 (@bkerogers) March 13, 2019
Former Bills’ QB JP Losman, now a 38-year-old offensive coach at Clemson, threw the ball to WRs/DBs so well at the school’s Pro Day today, that an NFL team actually asked him if he had any interest in coming back to the NFL, in which he last played a game in 2011. Losman declined— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) March 14, 2019
Works. pic.twitter.com/8fzy7q5BEi— Marc G (@Marc_Gascoigne) March 12, 2019
Got some down time, so I'm observing male lawyers interacting with moderately attractive female prosecutor in the courtroom.— No one of consequence (@NoLongerBennett) March 14, 2019
Holy shit dudes.
me: I'm going to build a time machine— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) March 13, 2019
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
i .............................. https://t.co/NJFq9W3Ls5 pic.twitter.com/aDS804HgnJ— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) March 14, 2019
Previously, #FOIA redactions were cartoonishly silly in only a figurative sense. But today the #FBI gave me this: pic.twitter.com/wdw2MrJpOJ— Brad Heath (@bradheath) March 5, 2014
This morning my dog heard the fridge open so he got out of bed and came to look for a snack. When he didn’t find anything, he grabbed his blanket (so it wouldn’t fall off) and went back to bed. pic.twitter.com/ZdiMJ6RArN— Priscilla Rangel (@_priscillz) March 13, 2019
The one time I remember Starfleet's ~fashion police~ coming into play is a TNG ep where Ro Laren is told to remove her ceremonial Bajoran earring. Worf constantly wears his Klingon sash, so this is clearly an anti-Bajoran microaggression. pic.twitter.com/4PI4HWzOyD— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) February 19, 2019
*More funny tweets.