Me: [as Luke Skywalker] *puts one leg out of the Taun Taun because it’s too hot*— Hoppers (@FrogAvalanche) March 26, 2019
Meanwhile, Percy Bysshe is like “NO SNAKES IN THE HOUSE IS OPPRESSION, DAD” pic.twitter.com/VC44Y0KjbI— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 24, 2019
I always think college basketball players should get paid until I actually watch college basketball.— Myles Brown (@mdotbrown) March 24, 2019
The thing I love about pineapple is when you eat it, it tries to digest you back— Andrea Phillips (@andrhia) March 24, 2019
How else would I build up an immunity to Norovirus https://t.co/EI0BYz9rQz— Paul Haine (@paul_haine) March 24, 2019
my sister ran track in middle school and came in last in a race once. on the ride home she said “I just want to put this behind me” and my mom said “well then at least something will be”— JuanPa (@jpbrammer) March 24, 2019
Parents, never leave kids unsupervised when they’re watching YouTube. You can never tell what they’re going to click through to. I left my son unattended with my phone and somehow he ended up watching the WASSUP Bud ad from 20 years ago and now he will not stop fucking saying it— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) March 22, 2019
Don’t think of it as dating ladies think of it as creating a lifelong audience for your Instagram story— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) March 24, 2019
Me: Husband, please stop leaving empty wrappers on the kitchen surface.— Lizzie Swann (@LizzieSwann1) March 26, 2019
Husband: pic.twitter.com/BdfFCVVN4R
A once in a lifetime experience with your idol pic.twitter.com/xpJQ1f2YBN— ItsAPawWorld (@itsapaworld) March 24, 2019
*More funny tweets.