Me : (showing stylist a photo of Momo) I want bangs like this— Dami Lee (@dami_lee) March 1, 2019
did momo write this pic.twitter.com/vgBfuVcP8z— Christian Vanderbrouk (@UrbanAchievr) March 1, 2019
Whoops, that's the third time I've made eye contact with this guy on the bus. Better follow him to his house so I can explain it was just an accident— Ryan (@Integrity_Guy) March 1, 2019
he is clearly crouching pic.twitter.com/t5TlIBi16P— tom schwartz’s transition lenses (@rachelmillman) March 1, 2019
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in 7 years of evaluating gadgets for Wirecutter, it’s that “patina” is a euphimism for “will start looking shitty sooner than you think” pic.twitter.com/ahLRwEcE4E— Michael Zhao (@mhzhao) March 1, 2019
God: you’re an amphibian.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) March 1, 2019
Frog: what does that mean?
God: it means you can breathe on land and in the water.
Frog: omg you mean I’m a mermaid?
God: no that’s not what I-
Frog: [whispers] I’m the littlest mermaid.
The Trump Presidency at this point is like when you’ve solved the puzzle at home but the contestants on TV keep on spinning the wheel.— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) February 28, 2019
Actual thing a luxury apartment broker told me yesterday: tenants have come to expect soundproof recording studios in new buildings so they can all record their own podcasts.— Alex Nitkin (@AlexNitkin) February 28, 2019
The gold leaf chair I created for Letterbomb Exhibition on in @thecopperhse gallery. The theme was Taboo 😉 pic.twitter.com/SqbIfGp2k4— SIGNS OF POWER (@signs_of_power) March 1, 2019
Before my wedding, my very strict Russian eyebrow lady said “nostrils too.”— Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) March 2, 2019
It was not a question.
*More funny tweets.