Today's funny posts

Just listened to a UK podcast which referenced the Swindon 'magic roundabout' - how the hell does this work? pic.twitter.com/QMQrkMymtL

— Jarryd Bartle (@JarrydBartle) August 21, 2020

It works perfectly. Fear keeps everyone in line.

— Beau(cial distancing) (@DrBeauBeaumont) August 21, 2020

Pandemic P following up an EPIC 4/17 game with a 2/9 pic.twitter.com/R8Deaqjsjm

— Chloe and Halle Bailey Stan Account (@tryna_be_famous) August 22, 2020

Ok https://t.co/oE0VJWmMiN

— Orange Cassidy (@orangecassidy) August 20, 2020

how rich do you have to be before "icing" becomes known as "ganache"

— Ryan Mac 🙃 (@RMac18) August 21, 2020

Oh what the hell? pic.twitter.com/rqNa4E32Yc

— jamie (@gnuman1979) August 18, 2020

like 75% of viral tweets now are just stuff someone needs to tell a therapist

— Patrick (@lunch_enjoyer) August 19, 2020

I found the most wholesome content on YouTube. Godspeed, iron worker hummingbird dad. pic.twitter.com/599jTc6vAf

— Horse Girl Summer (@jelenawoehr) August 19, 2020

I almost tripped on scattered pearls in an alley way and I thought, "oh no someone created Batman"

— 🍙 Pisukkaaq the Transient ❄ (@DanDanTransient) August 20, 2020

Sue Bird takes a couple shots at the Fever "I've never based my decision on my body on another team, especially not Indiana" and pays tribute to Diana Taurasi pic.twitter.com/q7tKehabK7

— CJ Fogler #BlackLivesMatter (@cjzero) August 22, 2020

storm really didn't have to murder rogue like this pic.twitter.com/50yq3yGsEv

— alex (@alex_abads) August 21, 2020

I appreciate that Cyclops' priority was Storm's anxiety disorder after a building falls on her pic.twitter.com/CFUkGmWQgL

— Isaac Torres 🇵🇷 (@Delriach) August 22, 2020

what did they do pic.twitter.com/xMw7fbKKL8

— Miles Klee 🦜 (@MilesKlee) August 20, 2020

don't mind me just floatin by pic.twitter.com/5Q2eTW7lzZ

— Gators Daily 🐊 (@GatorsDaily) August 22, 2020

Cat fishing. pic.twitter.com/udjdEelZQn

— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) August 22, 2020

*More funny posts.

Today's funny posts

New burger restaurant open in Seoul. That slogan at the bottom... pic.twitter.com/Idf2S3dL5b

— Jamie (@jamiefinn2209) March 31, 2020

you call them "gunshot wounds"; I call them "freedom holes"

— Ray Radlein (@Radlein) April 1, 2020

getting a text from an acquaintance like “hey just checking in on you ❤️” and then the next day an essay is out like “why checking in on your ugly friends is so important”

— JP (@jpbrammer) March 31, 2020

Nancy by Olivia Jaimes for Wed, 01 Apr 2020 https://t.co/NlSA91WHZA pic.twitter.com/a3lR70YbzL

— Nancy (@SluggoIsLit) April 1, 2020

Every time I remember The New Yorker's in-house style for abbreviating Dungeons & Dragons I get angry. pic.twitter.com/nxua9SacCF

— CJ Ciaramella (@cjciaramella) March 31, 2020

We will not rest until Bill Belichick has been slimed https://t.co/yv8rlgiw3s

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) March 31, 2020

Luigi is the only monarch worth protecting pic.twitter.com/ygFFNYAMu8

— Louise! (@themouseyouknow) March 30, 2020

Archie is a venerable elder gentleman, and with his diminished sight and hearing abilities doesn’t always notice things straight away. pic.twitter.com/Wo5MsLNz6I

— Constance Rimmer (@PigletParker) March 31, 2020

Somebody suggested my wife should make a toilet paper cake.

So she did. pic.twitter.com/8aqoRRevMb

— Michael Harris (@MichaelH_PhD) April 1, 2020

I feel like I should actually get, like, you know, my own identity as creator credited in this - versus just 'your wife'.

— Kate Pritchett (@sashimimimi) April 1, 2020

No way that cat will get through this! pic.twitter.com/Jr6SSVtegt

— jamie (@gnuman1979) March 31, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

Steve Smith taking a shot at Kurt Warner from outta nowhere LMAOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/jn4bDwnrpn

— SUSPENDED AGAIN (@FTBeard1) February 28, 2020

Steve Smith is torching everyone tonight

NFLN showing John Ross' (@WatchJRoss) post of him watching Ruggs run the 40....

Steve Smith: "He might be watching him take his job too, the way he play" pic.twitter.com/eQ1IQVribf

— SUSPENDED AGAIN (@FTBeard1) February 28, 2020

The sentence of the morning is:

"Chinese duck platoons are waiting to be deployed to neighboring Pakistan to fight a swarm of crop-eating pests..."https://t.co/Wi7ybOtIi6

— Danielle Paquette (@DPAQreport) February 27, 2020

1551. pic.twitter.com/nPsUWEMHKU

— The Prince. (@TMSTSTFD) February 22, 2020

“We’re going to build a wall around Gondor, folks. A big white beautiful wall. And Rohan’s going to pay for it. Osgiliath didn’t have a wall—now look. Mordor has a wall. The Dark Lord has a beautiful wall. One doesn’t simply go walking into Mordor, believe me. Walls work.”

— A.R. R. Moxon (@JuliusGoat) February 28, 2020

Everyone is always blondes have more fun this and redheads are spicy that, but no one is addressing the elephant in the room which is that this haircut and color is for bad bitches only. pic.twitter.com/XgGRn28oCt

— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) February 27, 2020

"this is the dora the explorer haircut"

Dora IS a bad bitch, what is she 5??? and roaming the woods without supervision???

— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) February 27, 2020

when I was younger I thought knowing the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite were going to be a lot more important as an adult than it is.

— Simon D. A. Clark (@Sunkensie) February 27, 2020

as my lunch date @DanBouza and i discovered, you don't get napkins at the salt bae restaurant, you get black surgical gloves which you are supposed to don to eat your burger (people were doing this. we did not) pic.twitter.com/fTt1bKDoav

— David Mack (@davidmackau) February 27, 2020

朝から pic.twitter.com/fdOfMGLW5W

— ツナ (@motikiro2) February 27, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

The hardest I’ve ever been owned in my life was when I was 21 in Barnes & Noble and a teenager asked me where the manga section was. I told them but also said “I don’t work here.”

They looked me dead in the eye and said “I know. You just looked like someone who would know.”

— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) February 18, 2020

It’s like in Ghosbusters when the containment unit is busted open and all the ghouls fly back out into the world.

— heal the sick / tax the rich (@agoraphobevidal) February 18, 2020

Kawhi Leonard sees that there is a Gatorade bottle on his interview table.

Immediately after: Removes bottle off table, and says "Not sponsored by Gatorade." pic.twitter.com/ulYoAXtm6T

— Farbod Esnaashari (@Farbod_E) February 18, 2020

i can't stop laughing at this pic.twitter.com/xvvVj9i332

— Cassie M. (@cassmarketos) February 17, 2020

I heard it as: "War God Of Israel", and the slimmer sequel, "The Thing With Three Souls". Ace did this more recently, too. ("Singularity Sky" was originally "Festival of Fools". "The Laundry Files" wasn't my chosen series title, either—my editor wanted to riff off Jim Butcher.) https://t.co/FKYZZY4GUj

— Charlie Stross (@cstross) February 18, 2020

Just as I’ve always feared. pic.twitter.com/gZDSbqcTgB

— William Gibson (@GreatDismal) February 18, 2020

where was this video in my childhood i could have avoided so many nightmares about quicksand pic.twitter.com/Akv0XuikqE

— Julia Wilde (@Julia_SCI) February 18, 2020

billie eilish, carly rae jepsen, and miley cyrus should form a pop group called billie rae cyrus

— ___ (@RileyRedRose) February 16, 2020

Because every timeline needs more baby goats. pic.twitter.com/9QZC2yLvp0

— Nature & Animals 🌴 (@AnimalsWorId) February 15, 2020

Wait for mom... pic.twitter.com/BK5juZ3aIa

— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) February 16, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

just asked my mom if this new pair of mom jeans i got look good and she goes “no. but they seem like they would be popular in your community” my WHAT

— clem (@lividgoth) January 7, 2020

in Year 7 sex education our teacher made us write down all the “naughty” words we knew, so he could read them out and prove they weren’t funny. To this day the image of a 60 year old man solemnly reading “boobies, anus, hand job” is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

— ruby🦎 (@roobeekeane) January 10, 2020

I'm sure I saw someone suggest that the sequel should be Daniel Craig as the same but then all the other actors playing new characters and I'd watch film after film of that.

— Orbette (@orbette) January 10, 2020

I just innocently told my wife that for the past 8 years I’ve thought it was okay to put bobbles and hair pins in the bin if they’re just left lying around.

Holy shit. What a moment.

— Pete Otway (@PeteOtway) January 10, 2020

when i have a bad day i watch this video of domhnall gleeson accepting an award fo his dad then it becomes good pic.twitter.com/0QpsyZ9mdj

— hind (@r1zahmed) January 9, 2020

slytherin: looks like we’re gonna win the the house cup :)

dumbledore: would be a real fucken shame if i gave 8 billion points to gryffindor for harry making his bed

slytherin: but-

dumbledore: A REAL SHAME

— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) January 10, 2020

Whenever someone dies and I don’t want them to be dead I tell myself they’re in the mountains training with Brandon Lee.

— Greg van Eekhout (@gregvaneekhout) January 11, 2020

As a bat biologist I just wanna give a shout out to bats, who for years we've been saying are super-sophisticated at dodging one another and flying in synchrony. Now that we've used high speed cameras on them, turns out they crash into each other all the time. Bats are cool.

— Dave Hemprich-Bennett (@hammerheadbat) August 21, 2019

pic.twitter.com/kUfDn4x0Dh

— cute n squishy (@_Cute_n_Squish) January 8, 2020

猫改札 pic.twitter.com/Y8GauZCVex

— もふねこ同好会 (@mofnekoclub) January 10, 2020

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

When your friend gets themselves into some nonsense and you'll be damned if you're gonna let 'em go through that nonsense on their own. pic.twitter.com/CWKZNOVor3

— Isaac Fitzgerald🤞🏻🖤 (@IsaacFitzgerald) December 22, 2019

Just referred to myself, with a certain level of irony, as my wife’s “eye candy”. To which my ten year old said, “daddy, you’re not eye candy. You’re eye potatoes.” RIP me.

— Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) December 21, 2019

thinking again about toni braxton including a google image search screenshot in her tribute to aretha franklin and spelling every single person’s name wrong, and laughing anew pic.twitter.com/3PdtYQjpXk

— Sean (@seanbgoneill) December 22, 2019

We should have known that she was gonna kill it when she took that school badg5off in sync with the music. 😂

— Mark111 (@MarkOfThaaBeast) December 22, 2019

My 12 year old sister has a bunch of friends over and just now one of them accidentally dropped a cheeto on the ground and whispered “god told me my path would not be easy” and I’m going into cardiac arrest

— Chel (@rhymewithrachel) December 22, 2019

Mo Salah gently removing the cups from the table so that they don’t spill when it gets a bit raucous is why I would die for the man pic.twitter.com/fEVzDfCnWG

— Jess 🧵🧶 (@jessf_white) December 21, 2019

#PHILIPPINES - Children react as a Bengal tiger licks the glass surrounding its enclosure during the "Animal Christmas Party", where the youths were treated to a tour of the Malabon Zoo, in Manila on December 21, 2019.
📸 Maria Tan#AFP pic.twitter.com/25lGMM5XMt

— AFP Photo (@AFPphoto) December 22, 2019

Sometimes the internet is just perfect. pic.twitter.com/iGCJbwQk9H

— Stevil Kinevil (@StevilKinevil) December 20, 2019

Say what you will about Pete but he has, hands down, the single funniest candidate instagram series pic.twitter.com/F3zzztSpP7

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) December 22, 2019

That’s a lit of work. pic.twitter.com/lCRmMkgbZO

— jamie (@gnuman1979) December 23, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

this video of cats reacting to cat face filter has me crying. pic.twitter.com/pNDmF8JQ8t

— M (@miaaselaa) December 9, 2019

Ummm. Is everything ok with Karl-Anthony Towns and Jeff Teague????

(h/t @Gianni2225) pic.twitter.com/eKrVsCSLyO

— Fastbreak Breakfast (@fastbreakbreak) December 10, 2019

a great way to break up with someone is if you're both in bed talking you can just say "thank you for attending my BEDtalk" and it'll just be over

— Vincent Woo (@fulligin) December 11, 2019

The original Ghostbuster films are about how being a woman in America in the 80s meant being sexually harassed by your boss, by your neighbor, by ghosts, and by the licensed professionals you call to protect you from the ghosts.

— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) December 10, 2019

Here is something to clear your head.

Enjoy. pic.twitter.com/YcAyWS1lcp

— Liana Brooks (@LianaBrooks) December 11, 2019

bye to everyone at @BuzzFeedNews except @Scaachi pic.twitter.com/rRfIRetTjh

— Maggie Schultz (@schultzmaggie) December 11, 2019

pic.twitter.com/MxIzFBOnMP

— Jenny Watson (@viscerealist) December 11, 2019

Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman. It’s a Harry Potter movie.

— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 10, 2019

Release Bill and Ted 3 on the same day. https://t.co/5FR7GotRHW

— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) December 11, 2019

#Squeaky and #Albert, the most gentle friends ever. Also, your paws are delicious. pic.twitter.com/vRhhPE2Vhm

— Shannon Minter (@shannonminter5) December 12, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

Amid all the chaos of this windy day a lone tumbleweed rolled right up to our camera and gave us all a chuckle. 😜#tumbleweed @bumblesnot pic.twitter.com/zFdnirFEYk

— John Gregory (@abc7johngregory) October 30, 2019

I gave my boyfriend a card for his birthday that said “I’m glad you’ve aged better than your tweets” and made a collage of all his god awful cringeworthy tweets from like 2009.

It fucked him up so much he paid a service to delete all his previous tweets up until 2018 lmao

— Beck Everly (@BeckTheGirl) November 1, 2019

You're telling me there's a series called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee but no Beloved Actors Getting Arrested With Jane Fonda.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) November 2, 2019

Just thinking about how one time Foucault got hit by a car and was like this absolutely kicks ass pic.twitter.com/nCcospfcC2

— Alison Balsam (@foolinthelotus) November 2, 2019

I saw this ad today and thought it looked like Jack Skellington. pic.twitter.com/t7E2scEtOV

— B🎃B JIN☠️ (@bobjinx) November 1, 2019

Sometimes you get what you pay for, and your $5/mo for ESPN+ means that when Dartmouth beats Harvard on a hail mary, it happens offscreen. pic.twitter.com/0Nb3JXS9Ek

— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) November 2, 2019

When I forget the word “adults.” pic.twitter.com/f4iyFxNE3f

— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) November 2, 2019

Thomas Edison didn’t invent the lightbulb until he was 87.

Einstein didn’t die until he was 6.

Abraham Lincoln is still trying to become president.

I didn’t steal the Time Gem and tear apart the continuum until I was tomorrow centuries old.

It’s always too late.

— dagnabbit brian (@mrbrianfirenzi) October 31, 2019

I hope this guy i met at the Eiffel Tower and asked for a pic of us kissing so i could pretend i had a romantic time in Paris is doing good. pic.twitter.com/KD4mxMI9NX

— kristiana (@KristianaKuqi) November 1, 2019

Kitty doesn't approve: my ear is not your costume, Karen pic.twitter.com/8FiNqEErva

— Awwwww (@AwwwwCats) November 1, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

same energy as this lil dude from my hometown humane society who i laugh about at least twice a day pic.twitter.com/2gAM9AsSfF

— bekah 🏳️‍🌈 (@bekahshoemake) November 3, 2019

Elizabeth Warren and her dog, Bailey pic.twitter.com/3GDBkvlb22

— Tyler Pager (@tylerpager) November 1, 2019

Gonna call my parents my “Cofounders” from now on.

— Victoria! (@sailorbee) November 2, 2019

Kawhi steals ball from DeMar DeRozan

Charles Barkley "Took a ball and a country from him"
😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/0UpxbeZvwm

— gifdsports (@gifdsports) November 1, 2019

Of course the guy has an identical twin who is also a lieutenant colonel and works for the NSC. It would be less ridiculous if he didn't, so by the iron law of 2019, he must https://t.co/sqReo4sniP

— Pinboard (@Pinboard) November 1, 2019

every publication now outside of established old publications will be a terrified 22 year old cancelling Coming To America so people hate click on it, Bleacher Report slideshow lists, and videos about gold food. the established old brands will run variations on these

— looking for CoD teammates on Raya (@ByYourLogic) October 31, 2019

The MCU is like if they started making new Simpsons episodes, but they couldn't legally use Bart, so the first movie was about Lenny and then it became the most successful franchise on Earth, and now kids mostly know Bart as Lenny's sidekick.

— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) November 1, 2019

Ten years ago, the women of BlackBook Magazine came dressed as their schlubby male counterparts. Most perfect was @willapaskin dressed as @chrismohney. But really, all of our shitty, cliche essences were captured. A beautiful, epic own, documented forever. https://t.co/9XAyufbsJX

— foster kamer. (@weareyourfek) October 31, 2019

A stunt I never got to pull off but really wanted to was have the Onion News Network writers sign up to do a live panel Q&A, but have bodybuilders show up in our place and say they’re us, and we’d feed them answers through hidden earpieces

— Alex Blechman (@AlexBlechman) October 30, 2019

Keep YOUR sheep's fleece in tip-top condition with Cat™. pic.twitter.com/LLv6J3ZcKp

— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) October 31, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

GENIUS reporting, GENIUS chryon @CNN pic.twitter.com/ec1lZXBOTJ

— Ben LaBolt (@BenLaBolt) September 25, 2019

Your cyberpunk name is basically just your name because I mean look around at this shit

— Matt Wallace (@MattFnWallace) September 24, 2019

Give jlo an Oscar for her Movieline interview alone. An icon!!!!! https://t.co/VtXBrhBU1v pic.twitter.com/NQHiWP3Ets

— Jason Chen (@chen_jason) September 19, 2019

Max custom goggles pic.twitter.com/4mZ3NfOlYB

— Charlie F (@nationalsreview) September 25, 2019

i sent my step dad my starbucks order & he only speaks spanish so he sent me a video of him practicing saying it... & thought i had to share it with y’all 💀💀 pic.twitter.com/T4DF69q4TC

— vanessa (@vlhxx_) September 24, 2019

For those of you keeping track, I've been unsuccessful at selling the $10,000 toilet that @CAH sent me this year and it continues to sit in my garage. https://t.co/YO39KmP4AY

Next step is to remodel a bathroom to match a 15th century French monarchy. Contractor recs?

— Elaine Chernov (@elaineinspired) September 25, 2019

the best revenge is living más

— hilbert's infinite airbnb (@vogon) September 26, 2019

Ffs CALM DOWN pic.twitter.com/M2Gwh9iUDX

— Erica Buist (@ericabuist) September 24, 2019

Sister got engaged this weekend and I dressed as a bush in the wilderness to watch/capture the moment. We are 1 yr apart.. why are our lives so different rofl pic.twitter.com/cE14RBZ9CL

— therese merkel (@theresemerkel) September 23, 2019

Best friends! pic.twitter.com/o1iXr20XEH

— Ducks (@Duck_page) September 27, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

Thank you for being a hero in the community, would like to invite you and your family to the next home game

Twitter help me out and get me in touch with him https://t.co/uqML3eJ0QT

— Nelson Agholor (@nelsonagholor) September 24, 2019

Didn't ever think I'd spend a Sunday morning carefully suspending an otter penis bone from a wire, but here I am pic.twitter.com/7vkR3u189a

— Amy Schwartz 🦇 (@lizardschwartz) September 22, 2019

I never thought I'd be saying this, & I'm sure it's going to sound like one of those hyperbolic statements only heard in love songs, but we've finally run out of Bed, Bath, & Beyond coupons.

— James Tate Hill (@JamesTateHill) September 22, 2019

When I ask my bf to buy me shampoo and conditioner..... pic.twitter.com/ALzvFNaVmo

— serenuhhhh (@serenaprather) September 21, 2019

Me: oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!
Spooky shopkeeper: yes, I will warn you... every item comes with a price.
Me: yes, I know how shops work

— Cethan Leahy (@CethanLeahy) September 22, 2019

I’ve found the whitest food possible pic.twitter.com/PUpIC7kjJU

— chris person (@Papapishu) September 22, 2019

Hey @ChrisEvans, remember at #TIFF19 when I destroyed the #KnivesOutMovie interview set trying to give you a cuddle? #menace #destructinator pic.twitter.com/a6V0N7jPtr

— Taika Waititi (@TaikaWaititi) September 21, 2019

black mirror season 6 confirmed: pic.twitter.com/5sIW5Ml3kw

— Ja Salazar (@jaasalzr) September 22, 2019

When your fourth husband dies in a “car crash” pic.twitter.com/p93PIOD3Op

— Christina Grace (@C_GraceT) September 23, 2019

THIS HAT pic.twitter.com/3fnq3JAtlf

— Paid man gets bored (@cjzero) September 23, 2019

The luckiest kids are
raised with a good dog
like this one.
🔉 pic.twitter.com/uQA3sFkr1e

— Funny videos / cute videos (@BestVideosviral) September 23, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

I just came for a damn target run 💀💀 pic.twitter.com/3ZBn8B5KPS

— Alvaro 🚀 (@AloBandz) September 4, 2019

"think I'll just go and have a lovely relaxing sit in the garden" pic.twitter.com/vrCZH2cT8d

— CalKing (@mynameiscal) August 3, 2018

Whenever I'm stressed I look up pics of people selling mirrors and it soothes me. pic.twitter.com/aIjMnQP1eI

— Kirsten King (@KirstenKing_) September 6, 2019

It's early days but this may be the story of 2016. pic.twitter.com/mb8w0APJ3P

— Mikey Nicholson (@Mikey_Nicholson) February 1, 2016

Perez with a brilliant job of framing a pitch in the dirt. Just a masterpiece (h/t @Andyleisen) pic.twitter.com/E5MLrWMWFA

— Paid man gets bored (@cjzero) September 7, 2019

I got detention in 5th for describing a teacher as “the one who looks like Otho from BEETLEJUICE.” Which is unfair because a substitute teacher asked “who is Mr. Goff?” And i said “the one who looks like Otho from BEETLEJUICE” and she walked right to him. So where was the lie?

— [kie.ran] (@danblackroyd) September 6, 2019

I always feel for action movie protagonists because imagine you’re going through a divorce and also Godzilla is real

— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) September 8, 2019

BYU lineman just hucked the Tennessee QB's shoe all the way back to their sideline 🤣 pic.twitter.com/9AmvasAdxq

— Paid man gets bored (@cjzero) September 7, 2019

Belichick is going to end up with Greenland.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) September 7, 2019

Good boy dislikes his nails being trimmed. But the theatrics. Dead!

Dogs, bruh...💪🐶😍😂🤣😭 pic.twitter.com/PMtmSg0WeQ

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) September 5, 2019

*More funny posts.

"We attended a panel on the history of Jason Statham in video games"; Budget Minecraft; Toilet racing

We attended a panel on the history of Jason Statham in video games. It was incredible, and it ended 30 mins early when the panelist was asked if he was scared that Statham knew about the panel, and in response he frantically packed up all his stuff and sprinted out of the room pic.twitter.com/et9zc3FKcw

— Lilah @ PAX West (@MobileSuitLilah) September 2, 2019

Having a spectacularly normal one creating powerpoint slides for tonight's lecture on the history of Jason Statham in videogames. pic.twitter.com/9mmGnpsbSQ

— Regular Frog 🦀 🦀 🦀 PAX West (@FrogCroakley) September 1, 2019

THIS IS THE MOST SAVAGE THING SONIC HAS EVER SAID pic.twitter.com/SQ1mHLHlcC

— TsumiBro (@BrodTsumi) September 1, 2019

Me: Mom can we buy Minecraft

Mom: No we have minecraft at home

Minecraft at home: pic.twitter.com/Lb8VwJD3xl

— Minecraft Furnace (@BlockFurnace) August 22, 2019

https://t.co/y59iyAaHuY
あの便座レースがゲームになった！ pic.twitter.com/rb9hlTI1wd

— バカ・アフターの中の人 (@BaKaAfter) August 26, 2019

Ten funny tweets

Everyone shut the fuck up and watch this video of some calves thinking they have to jump over the white line pic.twitter.com/qaKO05qoT4

— Vegan 6ix God (@VEGASHI269) August 23, 2019

Every time I hear about Cardale Jones I think of this all-timer Tweet and laugh again pic.twitter.com/0AKLOSLZQ7

— Stacy Jo Rost (@StacyRost) August 25, 2019

Just realized how funny it is that Olive Garden invented the fake Italian word Hospitaliano.

— chris person (@Papapishu) August 25, 2019

Some fans will never forget... let me know once you get the joke... #Vikings #VikingsFans pic.twitter.com/LBMhQXn888

— Ron Johnson (@3RonJohnson) August 24, 2019

The Emmy-nominated Game of Thrones finale script reveals Drogon never meant for the Iron Throne to be melted; it was just happenstance. There was no meaning, no purpose. It was not a metaphor or a statement. https://t.co/gyhcxlaC6U pic.twitter.com/HqX4086lwf

— Michael 📺 (@michaelcollado) July 31, 2019

Empty Inner Tube Ominously Exits Mouth Of Lazy River https://t.co/s06h9z3dJZ pic.twitter.com/3ZXmBmGxDm

— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 24, 2019

[inventing the toaster]

engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4

chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) November 26, 2018

Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves.

My dog: There’s no way I’m walking on wet grass.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 24, 2019

Brilliant demonstration of Newton’s principle of inertia. pic.twitter.com/5xQKSYIYOV

— Lionel Page (@page_eco) August 24, 2019

Couple goals pic.twitter.com/g9GgNsavun

— amy - amazon wishlist ambassador (@C0INCELPR0) August 24, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

ONE DAY until the leashes come off for #ESPNDogDay 🐶 pic.twitter.com/vkBllinS74

— ESPN (@espn) August 23, 2019

I'm old enough to remember a time when you kind of had to think for a bit to come up with a plausible geopolitical scenario that would result a third World War.

— Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) August 21, 2019

ugh that’s my favorite metal band pic.twitter.com/KiQm06MT6g

— conor (@UglyBoyBigLoser) August 20, 2019

German shopping malls are the future. pic.twitter.com/LD4EKh4BMW

— Darran Anderson (@Oniropolis) August 21, 2019

omg it worked pic.twitter.com/u4OeNcvSPS

— abdul 🤠🌌 (@Advil) August 20, 2019

I have just put a donut filled with English mustard in the fridge
Now we wait for the donut thief ...

— Tim (@forwardnotback) August 21, 2019

This will be a thread dedicated to the college sweatshirts Ted Knight wore on the television show Too Close For Comfort.

— words (@wordsbig80s) August 22, 2019

PSA: Rob Lowe’s sons dragging him on Instagram is a great way to entertain yourself when you’re awake in the wee hours. pic.twitter.com/kTPJPgKZtt

— Marianne Elliott (@zenpeacekeeper) August 21, 2019

😂 and these. Ok gonna stop now. pic.twitter.com/Wc8yabrvaH

— Kate Thomas (@kateisathomas) August 22, 2019

big boy pic.twitter.com/mlW1vytduC

— dumb lefty cricket slut (@iggigg) August 22, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten more funny tweets (I have an enormous backlog)

Every time something new comes out of this, it blows my mind a little more. The Atlanta Marriott will have carpet themed desserts for #DragonCon pic.twitter.com/M7pdjgme1p

— Volpin Props (@volpinprops) August 19, 2019

The kids did the Kimbrel! 🤣 pic.twitter.com/UgArpAIqjI

— Play Ball (@PlayBall) August 19, 2019

Craig Kimbrel had to pitch in a ballpark of Little Leaguers mocking him: https://t.co/iYFbwdjIkw pic.twitter.com/aRWOx9xzQD

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) August 19, 2019

definitely a stealth cannibal organization pic.twitter.com/FriuGLpt5Z

— RYAN RULZ OK (@ryanqnorth) August 20, 2019

I am so (clenches fist) fuckin ready to be the youngest person on a Viking River Cruise.

— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) August 20, 2019

my sister starting crying watching jurassic park because the old man put so much effort into making the park and it got destroyed

— tia hickson 🖤 (@tiannahicksonn) June 10, 2019

If I unfollow you it's nothing personal, I just hate all of your thoughts and opinions and think everything you say is annoying and awful

— KB (@kbnoswag) July 21, 2017

This can’t be a real name, even in Germany. https://t.co/1O10s6PmA5 pic.twitter.com/QJMXUs1aSg

— Josh Barro (@jbarro) August 20, 2019

From 1 September 2019 to 29 February 2020, every new vehicle registration in Great Britain will have a "69" in it https://t.co/fNwwz1VUyh

— quadrilateral ntm (@qntm) March 31, 2017

Sex is great but have you ever gone for a long walk with friends so that you could drop a ring into a volcano?

— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) August 20, 2019

Fantasy Novel Not Holding Back On Criticisms Of Dwarvish Culture https://t.co/gslc1XyyQn pic.twitter.com/rmoUwJIgCy

— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 20, 2019

MOVIE NIGHT FAIL: A movie night under the stars took a turn in Denver, Colorado on Saturday. Air mattresses laid out for ticket holders blew away in a strong wind. According to Robb Manes, who shot the video, the blow-up beds were on the loose for about 30 minutes. 😂 pic.twitter.com/MpQKa7yob6

— Nate Larsen (@NateLarsenKBOI) August 20, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

CATS had better be 3D... I want to fear them

— Kyle Buchanan (@kylebuchanan) July 18, 2019

Thread: everyone knows that medieval art is filled with snails fighting knights, but there's actually a whole medieval snail ecology and society, from snail-birds to snail-monks. And, ofc, snail-cats.

WARNING: this thread gets very very silly.

(Paris, MS. 62) pic.twitter.com/VDxqRya481

— Erik Wade (@erik_kaars) July 17, 2019

pic.twitter.com/3zMUHq7CQ7

— Butcher Billy (@billythebutcher) June 27, 2019

Heard someone describe their manager today as being successful because “he’s the corpse who’s been in the lake so long he’s just risen to the top” and I mean can you think of a darker burn?

— Alice Burke (@AuroraBorealice) July 16, 2019

6. hhdhdhvvghhhhghh pic.twitter.com/zmkReVClBh

— faith (@wxshyouaway) May 21, 2018

Laugh all you want, but the proposed raid on Area 51 is indicative of a larger problem in our country: a lack of compelling endgame content for many Americans.

— Ace Watkins (@GamerPres2020) July 16, 2019

my kink is having absolutely no one from high school know anything about me or what i’m up to now lmaooo

— ً (@thottyvibe) July 16, 2019

We've been re-watching Cheers from the start and WHY DID NO ONE MENTION HOW EMMA THOMPSON WAS FRASIER'S SURPRISE FIRST WIFE??!!? pic.twitter.com/HhRZQN3sjb

— Bec Hill (Be Chill) (@bechillcomedian) July 17, 2019

I like going to the cemetery early in the morning because, if you’re calm and patient, the skeletons will approach and even eat right out of your hand.

— RM (@dorsalstream) June 15, 2018

life is worth living pic.twitter.com/4FuXO1bD7D

— al (@local__celeb) July 17, 2019

*More funny posts.

Ten funny tweets

theresa may was cursed by a witch to die seven days after brexit, so she will delay it as long as possible to prolong her liminal state of un-life https://t.co/7XAgbNOWXG

— infamous homophil(e)ologist (@thauma_idesthai) March 27, 2019

Ten funny tweets

Me: [as Luke Skywalker] *puts one leg out of the Taun Taun because it’s too hot*

— Hoppers (@FrogAvalanche) March 26, 2019

Meanwhile, Percy Bysshe is like “NO SNAKES IN THE HOUSE IS OPPRESSION, DAD” pic.twitter.com/VC44Y0KjbI

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 24, 2019

I always think college basketball players should get paid until I actually watch college basketball.

— Myles Brown (@mdotbrown) March 24, 2019

The thing I love about pineapple is when you eat it, it tries to digest you back

— Andrea Phillips (@andrhia) March 24, 2019

How else would I build up an immunity to Norovirus https://t.co/EI0BYz9rQz

— Paul Haine (@paul_haine) March 24, 2019

my sister ran track in middle school and came in last in a race once. on the ride home she said “I just want to put this behind me” and my mom said “well then at least something will be”

— JuanPa (@jpbrammer) March 24, 2019

Parents, never leave kids unsupervised when they’re watching YouTube. You can never tell what they’re going to click through to. I left my son unattended with my phone and somehow he ended up watching the WASSUP Bud ad from 20 years ago and now he will not stop fucking saying it

— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) March 22, 2019

Don’t think of it as dating ladies think of it as creating a lifelong audience for your Instagram story

— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) March 24, 2019

Me: Husband, please stop leaving empty wrappers on the kitchen surface.
Husband: pic.twitter.com/BdfFCVVN4R

— Lizzie Swann (@LizzieSwann1) March 26, 2019

A once in a lifetime experience with your idol pic.twitter.com/xpJQ1f2YBN

— ItsAPawWorld (@itsapaworld) March 24, 2019

*More funny tweets.

"In South Korea, the expression 'black-haired' is commonly used in nationalistic insults against South Koreans working for foreign companies who are said to be disloyal to the country"

WaPo:

International journalists’ organizations are criticizing the status of press freedom in South Korea after the country’s ruling party singled out a Bloomberg reporter with South Korean nationality over what it claimed was a “borderline traitorous” article insulting President Moon Jae-in, resulting in threats to the reporter’s safety.