Ordering food in Michigan today pic.twitter.com/E4qxW1AU9I— Matt (@mattdaniels67) February 6, 2019
this hotel kindly invites me to decide whether I am BODYGUARD or VAMPIRE pic.twitter.com/9VediAqR3j— Jennifer Cownie (@cownifer) February 5, 2019
I'm not saying it's cold here but this is the INSIDE of my door pic.twitter.com/S7fIcXSxRb— Brian Fitzpatrick (@therealfitz) January 31, 2019
If I had a sword, it would be named Per My Last Email.— Mallory O'Meara (@malloryomeara) January 29, 2019
my cat goes by vampire rules, she will not enter a room unless you invite her in, she cannot see herself in a mirror, and is often accused of having contracts with the devil.— Sara_Alfageeh.gif (@TheFoofinator) February 6, 2019
me: hi I'd like to buy a magic bullet— Kellen (@captainkalvis) February 2, 2019
bed bath and beyond employee: ooh making some smoothies huh?
me: no [clenching fist] I want to kill a wizard
employee: [eyes going black] fōllōw me
It’s stressful when you’re eating & someone starts saying something emotional & you gotta be like... I guess I should set down my bagel till they’re done?— Kalila Holt (@kalilaholt) February 6, 2019
opening tabs until my computer becomes unusable.... in this way i become more Powerful than the machine— Kelly Weill (@KELLYWEILL) February 6, 2019
Bro gapped a 9 stair on a lime scooter? pic.twitter.com/r3N52cYUfO— prod. RUSH (@whoisrush) February 5, 2019
when i finally get cancelled, i want it to be at home, in my bedroom, surrounded by friends— Xena Worrier Princess (@marianbull) February 5, 2019