Once had a waitress (not Dutch or Montrealer) say to my wife and me “forgive me but I just love it when my diners are a little bit fat, skinny people are so unhappy” which maybe was her way of manipulating us to give her a big tip? If so it worked. We felt insulted & complimented— Stranger in the Night (@planetJoseph) September 23, 2020
Push ups for RBG pic.twitter.com/IC2pxlx97G— Graham MacGillivray (@GWMacGillivray) September 25, 2020
krypton spent most of its scientific and political resources on building prisons and then wondered why the damn planet exploded— It's TEGAN! (@tegan_oneil5000) September 23, 2020
superman’s birth planet’s greatest achievement was figuring out how to exile criminals to hell forever, maybe they had problems— It's TEGAN! (@tegan_oneil5000) September 23, 2020
Now that reporters can build up a name ID and audience at an outlet and take it to substack, media organizations need to turn it into European soccer where they get a piece of the action when a staffer they’ve trained and incubated gets a big check elsewhere— Matthew Zeitlin (@MattZeitlin) September 23, 2020
i’m attempting to start some discourse in the chat pic.twitter.com/vLYrMKRUDR— SadeVEVO (@fillegrossiere) September 22, 2020
this is like the millennial dirtbag version of Robert DeNiro’s house in HEAT https://t.co/bTb72KoW8O— Matt Pearce 🦅 (@mattdpearce) September 23, 2020
come to think of it, “men really think it’s actually okay to live like this” is literally the plot synopsis for HEAT— Matt Pearce 🦅 (@mattdpearce) September 23, 2020
I read somewhere this phrase— Ricky Bankemper (@RayadaBaba) September 23, 2020
covid numbers in the US are either "these are a bad" or "these are good enough to make bad again'"
Raise your hand if you were the kid who strategically inserted himself between the leads for curtain call 👋 pic.twitter.com/9YmdfLIP2v— Chris Ryan 🏳️🌈 (@HiChrisRyan) September 23, 2020
The virtual Kelly Clarkson Show audience members awkwardly dancing to Vin Diesel's new song is the funniest thing I've seen in weeks. pic.twitter.com/eI0BEuNSPN— Josh Kurp (@JoshKurp) September 25, 2020
During teaching today I was petting my cat and my co-teacher announced it and asked to see the cat. Then no fewer than 60% of the students reached down and pulled THEIR cats up into view of the cameras and suddenly my Zoom squares were all cats and everything was perfect.— Sarah Williams (@misanthropologa) September 23, 2020
*More funny posts.